Lesson #3 Hope (3 of 3) - For God Fore His Glory

STEP TWO

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
WE CAME TO BELIEVE THAT A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES
COULD RESTORE US TO SANITY

“For it is God Who works in you to will and to act according
To His good purpose,” Philippians 2:13

PRINCIPLE THREE

EARNESTLY BELIEVE THAT GOD EXISTS, THAT I MATTER TO HIM
AND THAT HE HAS THE POWER TO HELP ME RECOVER

                  “Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted,” Matthew 5:4
   LESSON THREE
HOPE
  PART THREE

Working this step will help us
- Become aware of our fears
- How they stop us from participating in any CHANGE PROCESS
  - Because of the way they make us feel
While working this step, we will begin to acknowledge
- OUR SELF-PROTECTIVE BEHAVIORS ARE EMOTIONALLY DRIVEN
During this step, we identify our
- Fears
- Vulnerabilities
- Anxieties
- Other emotions
  - That trigger behaviors and keep us from doing something different
While working this step, we realize fear has gotten in our way preventing us from
doing anything other
- Than what is SAFE
While working this step, we will begin to acknowledge our self-protective behaviors
are emotionally driven by
- OUR FAMILIAR, DYSFUNCTIONAL PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR
  - We are simply too afraid to change

Some of us may think it normal
- People endure being alive
  - Continue to schlepp through
    - A miserable form of existence
Some think it is normal to
- Deny and deprive themselves
- Expect perfectionism to be reasonable
Some may look upon victimization as a normal day-to-day event
- A reasonable reaction to most of life’s circumstances
These viewpoints will change as we begin to identify
- Personality deficits
- Past behaviors that are linked to
  - FAULTY BELIEFS
In fact, feeling good
- For some of us that means feeling ALL our emotions
Will eventually help us begin feeling good

Understanding the stages of Inner Healing and Recovery can help us
take the necessary steps in this TRANSFORMATIONAL PROCESS:

SURVIVAL/DENIAL
RE-IDENTIFICATION
CORE ISSUES
REINTEGRATION
GENESIS

SURVIVAL/DENIAL

In this PRE-HEALING/RECOVERY STAGE
- Denial is operating freely
  - We’re using our COPING behaviors to survive
We don’t see things too painful to see
We don’t feel emotions too painful to feel
We don’t realize our coping behaviors are self-defeating – in fact,
- We’re often proud of our gestures
Saying things are fine
- When things AREN’T fine at all
We’ve lost touch with ourselves
- Existing, not living – until something happens
- Maybe a big problem; however what changes is our REACTION
  - We become fed up
  - We run out of willpower
  - We run out of ourselves
We realize on some level our lives have become unmanageable
We know our lives aren’t working
- We become ready to be changed because we have been
  - Enduring life
  - Not living it

RE-IDENTIFICATION

Two important events take place here
- We re-identify ourselves and our behaviors
- We surrender
Instead of taking pride in our coping behaviors
- We begin to see them as self-defeating
We accept our powerlessness over
- Other people
- Their problems
- Our past
- Our messages from the past
- Our circumstances
- Sometimes ourselves and our feelings
We begin to establish “A REALISTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH WILLPOWER”
DISTORTED RELATIONSHIP TO WILLPOWER:
- We have believed that it is possible to control the lives of others by
  - Our sheer force of will
- The end result is isolation
  - From others
  - From our own authentic selves
  - From our spiritual and unconscious resources
- It becomes an either/or situation
  - Either the individual continues to rely totally on willpower or
    - They succumb to utter hopelessness
- There is nothing in between
- It is important we understand the distinction between
  - Willfulness
  - Willingness
- The willful person believes that all manner of things can be controlled if
  one’s willpower is
  - Strong enough
  - Focused enough
- Failure
  - Even failure to control events beyond anyone’s ability to control
    - Leads to a sense of Inadequacy
- The willing person recognizes the value of determination in those areas
  where it is possible to exercise influence or control, while accepting the fact
  that here are some things he or she
  - Simply CAN’T DO ANYTHING

We start feeling many of the feelings we’ve been freezing
- We thaw out
We begin to feel all the sadness and pain we’ve been working so hard to
- AVOID
We begin our grief work
Some of us have more loss to face than others
We begin experimenting with inner healing and recovery concepts like
- Detachment
- Not reacting as much
- Letting go
It is a time for diligent evaluation of those things we cannot control
It is a time for ACCEPTANCE
In this stage, we begin connecting with other people who have been
taking these steps toward their inner healing and recovery

We establish or reestablish, our relationship with our Higher Power
We begin connecting or reconnecting with ourselves
This is a time to remember that
- We are more than our pain
  - Much more than our problems
It’s a time to cling to HOPE
The healing process has begun
Like healing from a physical condition
- It hurts most the day after surgery

CORE ISSUES

In this stage the lights come on
We see and understand more about
- Ourselves
- Our behaviors
We become aware
We feel uncertain about what to do with all this awareness
We look back and see how long we’ve been using our
- SELF-DEFEATING BEHAVIORS
We look around and see how our self-defeating tendencies have
permeated our lives, but
- WE ARE LOOKING AND MOVING FORWARD

We begin to set goals
We begin experimenting with new behaviors
We get better at detachment
We begin finding ways to care for and nurtur ourselves
We begin setting boundaries
We practice new relationships and living skills
We may try something new
- Get scared
- And go back to our old ways for a while
We may end relationships
- Get scared
- Then go back to check those out for a time too
We may stay stuck in a state of awareness
- Knowing we’re doing a particular thing
  - But feeling unable to do much about it

Within a short time span, we may feel
- Scared
- Excited
- Hopeless
- Hopeful
Somedays we wonder if anything is happening
Other days we’re certain too much is happening
However, we wake some of the time knowing
- All is well
In this stage, inner healing and recovery begins to have less
to do with coping with “the other person”

During this step, it becomes a personal affair
- A private journey of finding and building
  - A “self”
  - A life
We may start to dream and hope again, but our hopes usually center on
our own dreams
- NOT someone else’s
Throughout, we are working a program
Experiencing this process of change working within us
This step is a time of
- Experimentation
- Growth
It’s a time of becoming more comfortable with new behaviors
- And less comfortable with old ones
Newly formed beliefs about what we can and cannot change
- Grow STRONGER
It’s a time when we start to figure out what it means to take care of ourselves
We try
- Fail
- Try
- Succeed
- Try some more
- Fail some more
  - Through it all we make a little progress
It’s a time to be PATIENT

RE-INTEGRATION

Since starting this journey we have been struggling with power issues
- Powerlessness
- Rekindling our relationship with our Higher Power
Through POWERLESSNESS AND SURRENDER
- We find our PERSONAL POWER
We become empowered to do the possible
- Live our own lives
Owning our power is as important as learning t
- To accept our POWERLESSNESS
We discover ourselves as
- Complete
- Healthy
- Imperfect but lovable
- Certainly adequate
We become comfortable with ourselves
We learn to respect ourselves
We find ourselves respecting others too, and allowing them to be
loving to us in a healthy way that feels good
We accept the fact that we’re good enough
We are neither running around spewing feelings
- Nor are we repressing them
We’re feeling feelings
- Knowing that’s okay
We make mistakes
- We also know that is okay
  - We try to learn from them as best as we can

Although a tendency to control may still be our instinctive response to
situations
- Detachment becomes a secondary reaction
  - By now, we’re certain we CAN’T control others
We may slip into
- Caretaking
- Shame
- Martyrdom
  - But we get out
We may still feel guilty
- When we say no
- Set a boundary
- Refuse to take care of someone
  - We know the guilt will pass
We gain confidence realizing that taking care of ourselves is in everyone’s
- Best interests
We’ve learned we can take care of ourselves, and what we can’t do
- GOD CAN AND WILL DO FOR US
We accept the premise that problems are an ongoing part of life
- We can’t dwell on this
Our messages from the past haven’t disappeared
- We develop a keener ear for identifying when these messages
  - Are trying to SABOTAGE us

While working through these steps, our relationships have improved
- Intimacy is becoming a reality
We have become more comfortable with applying the four Inner Healing
and Recovery Power Concepts

ACCEPTING POWERLESSNESS
FINDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR HIGHER POWER
OWNING OUR PERSONAL POWER
LEARNING TO SHARE THE POWER BY PARTICIPATING IN RELATIONSHIPS

We still feel frightened sometimes, we still have gray days
- They are gray, not black
  - We know they will pass
Life becomes more than to be endured – it’s still tough
- Sometimes It’s downright peaceful
- Other times it’s an adventure
- We’re living it
  - ALL OF IT
Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living
- WE BECOME GRATEFUL
We still need to ask for help sometimes
We still need
- Understanding
- Acceptance
  - THE HEALING PROCESS IS WELL UNDER WAY

GENESIS

This is the beginning
- NOT the end
We’re no longer carry around “Imprisoned” selves
Nor are we indulging in all our
- Whims
- Desires
DISCIPLINE has found its place in our lives
We are surrendered to our loving, caring Higher Power

This recovery and inner healing process is a FLUID PROCESS
- With carry-overs and crossovers to the different stages
There isn’t a fixed time frame for moving through these stages
It begins through the grace of God, and continues in the same manner
- Assisted by our COMMITMENT to the process
Renewal and recovery is many things a
- Gradual process
- Healing process
- Predictable process
  - It’s also a spiritual process

Our part is to:

Attend meetings such as Celebrate Recovery or appropriate
support groups
Apply the steps and other renewal and recovery concepts in our lives
Work with a therapist if appropriate
Attend seminars and workshops
Maintain an attitude of
- Honesty
- Openness
- Willingness to try
Struggle through the
- Frustration
- Awkwardness
- Discomfort of change
Connect with other people whose desire is to experience
- A Newness to Life
Read the Bible, meditation books and other helpful literature
Continue to Surrender
Continue to work at becoming more God-dependent rather then remaining
crippled by
- Codependency
- Emotional trauma
- People pleasing…

Our part means having the courage to
- Feel what we need to feel
- Do what we need to do
Our part is doing our own healing and recovery work
If we cooperate with this process doing the best of our ability
- We’ll know what to do and when to do that

Renewal and recovery isn’t something we do perfectly or at once
- Neither concept applies here
Struggling is okay
Back-stepping is okay
Small bits of progress are not only okay
- THEY’RE ADMIRABLE

Step Two: “We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could
restore us to sanity.”

In order to relate to a Higher Power in a healthy way that leads to our renewal
and recovery
- You must be able to view yourself as being
  - “Perfectly Imperfect” and
  - Still value and esteem yourself
Problems concerning spirituality and a relationship to a Higher Power come up
immediately in step two
The goal of this step is to correct any SKEWED THINKING you may have about

Whether there is a Higher Power
How He will respond to you if you turn to Him
Whether you need to be restored to Sanity

This is the process of coming to believe that a Power greater than yourself (and
greater then anyone)
- Can restore you to sanity

I keep asking the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father,
To give you the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation, so that you may know Him better.
I pray also, that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you
May know the HOPE to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance
In the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe that power
Is like the working of His mighty strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised
Jesus from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly realms,
Far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given,
Not only in the present age, but also in the one to come. God placed all things
Under the feet of Jesus, and appointed Him to be Head over everything for the Church,
Which is His body the fullness of Him, Who fills everything in every way.
Ephesians 1:17-23