I would like to welcome you to For God, Fore His Glory, and invite you to join me on the road to Emmaus. Of course, this is a spiritual journey but one uniquely designed with you in mind. It doesn’t matter what road you are walking the Lord will accompany you. Information has been made available for you to read and determine what is of interest and applies to you. This information is not meant to overwhelm; quite the opposite, it is meant to enlighten and empower as it has done for me.
My purpose for sharing has a threefold intent: (1) That God’s love would radically impact lives, (2) That eyes and ears, hearts and hands would open so ALL that God desires to personally bestow would be received, and (3) That knowing God and His Word and His loving-kindness would result in negativity just naturally losing ground/control in our lives because strongholds would be broken by the resurrection power of the Spirit of the Lord.
It makes no difference who you are, what your personal beliefs or where you call home we are all functioning in some fashion in the error deception causes. And of course, if we knew we’ve been deceived then it wouldn’t be deception. With this in mind, there is no way we could possess the “IN-TO-ME-SEE” knowledge that only the Spirit of Truth can reveal about ourselves and God and our human condition. There are so many things to learn like feelings and beliefs are not facts. Please don’t let offense sway you, for what is generated by offense: Discomfort, upset, anger, insult, sin, shame, disapproval…rises from deep within us and works against us.
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My heart’s desire is to share knowledge of God and His Word, Christ Jesus, so you too can find rest for your soul. Our thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behaviors and beliefs have been affected by negativity – Fear, pride, anger, rejection, rebellion, bitterness…the list is long and can prove debilitating.
Revelation 12:11 says, “We overcome the forces of evil by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony.” Now a testimony can offer encouragement and hope, but it cannot provide what’s absolutely essential a profound personal impact. Nor can a personal impact bring about lasting change, for that can only be accredited to a miraculous metamorphous: Spiritual Transformation. For the Lord has surely said: “Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit.” Zechariah 4:7.
If anger, fear, unforgiveness, resentment…are present, then true compassion, kindness, respect…for self and others will in some measure be lacking. This life-changing transformation is not about plastic surgery or weight loss. Outward appearance is what people look at, but God sees the appearance of our heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
We possess a very special knack for making what is wrong seem right. Not before, not during but afterwards, when the heat of onus (reproach, admonishment) occurs, the heart responds though the flushing of shame and guilt and embarrassment may not. How the heart manipulates thought and feeling to do what it desires. But, what can’t be manipulated; instead, only obscured by denying, rationalizing, justifying, comparisons…the crimson stains sin places on our soul.
A life-changing transformation is accomplished when God and His Word and Holy Spirit recreate (restore, renew, revive) our spiritual being! Their work won’t be seen or felt it will become evident when we’re thinking, behaving, believing somewhat differently.
FINE – Favorable, Illuminating, Noteworthy, Effectual
Adjustments are made, for God imparts spiritual gifts – Faith, truth, wisdom, knowledge, prophecy, healing, counsel, fear of the Lord, joy, peace, discernment of spirits….Gifts that change us from the inside out so we can: Arise and shine when heaven’s Light comes and the glory
of the Lord rises upon us (Isaiah 60:1).
How can what injures so personally be overcome if a different perspective cannot be viewed? Paul explains this better than I can: I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. I have discovered this principle of life – That when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong (Romans 7:15,19,21). Now there are so many who have been abused unjustly, and I’m sorry. You did nothing to do deserve such mistreatment.
But, there are answers. There is hope. What has holistic harmful effects – Anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, hatred…from the bondage of such powerful forces we can be released. Psalm 146:3 says: Blessed are those who seek God’s help, whose hope and trust is in the Lord their God. Why? No mortal man can save, when their spirit departs, they return to the ground. On that very day their plans come to nothing. But a child of God will overcome them, because the One Who is in them, Holy Spirit, is greater than the one who is in the world (1 John 4:4).
God’s plan, His purpose spans throughout time and eternity! There is much to discuss with this being the motivator – Knowledge is power. A power we need because there is much that comes against us. And though you may not be very familiar with the Lord, Jesus Christ, God’s Word will strengthen you (Isaiah 45:5-7). So you too can hear Him say, “Friend, move up to a better place,” (Luke 14:10). So you too can be among those who come to know Him with a deep, instinctive, personal affection as for a close friend (John 21:17 Amp).
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Truly, we could all use such a Friend who is faithful, and works to strengthen and protect us not only from the evil one so we won’t be outwitted, but also as I have learned despite ourselves, for we’re unaware of the devil’s schemes (2 Corinthians 2:11). Jesus is a friend we can have confidence in. Acts 10:38 tells us Jesus of Nazareth went around doing good and healing ALL who were under the power of the devil because God was with Him. God anointed Jesus with the power of Holy Spirit. He offered the kindness of a friend to everyone.
God has given us His Word, and Jesus has revealed His Father’s great compassion for mankind. The problem, which is made quite apparent just by turning on the news, knowledge of Gods’ loving-kindness may be lacking for all sorts of reasons: but, what’s absent is personal experience, and this is what this journey offers.
How can we come to know the One Who directs our heart into God’s love and His perseverance (2 Thessalians 3:3)? How would we come to believe it is the hand of God that sustains us (Psalm 89:21)? How can we pass through those gates to walk the Way God has prepared and chosen for the people (Isaiah 62:10) without knowing the thoughts and feelings the Word of Truth, Christ Jesus, shares?
If you invest in this precious commodity God has given us – Time, then most definitely interest will grow! Come along! Embark on a personal journey on the road to Emmaus, which means a warm spring and mule. Luke 24:13 tells of two men who had left Jerusalem, which includes this meaning: To flow as water, to point out, to teach, which was about seven miles from their destination – Emmaus.
Along the way they were discussing everything that had happened that day. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus Himself came up and walked with them; but they were kept from recognizing Him. When asked what they were discussing, they stood still, their faces downcast and said: “Do you not know the things that have happened these days in Jerusalem?”
“About Jesus of Nazareth, He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. He was crucified. We had hoped He was the One Who was going to redeem Israel. In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning, but didn’t find His body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said Jesus was alive. Some of our companions went to the tomb, and found it was just as the women had said, they did not see Him.”
The Man walking with them said, “How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter His glory?” Then, beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, He explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning Himself.
They strongly urged the stranger to stay with them for the day was almost over, so He went in to stay with them. The Man sat with them at the table, took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them, when their eyes were opened and they recognized Jesus, Who disappeared from their sight. They asked each other: “Were not our hearts burning within us while He talked to us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” They got up and returned to Jerusalem to find the eleven and those with them saying: “It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon?”
While they were still talking about this, Jesus Himself stood among them and said:
“Peace be with you!”
This is what God wants us to have peace of heart and mind, which His Word freely bestows. Jesus appeared to the one who denied Him not once but three times – Peter. How many times have we behaved in ways that have caused us to feel ashamed? All that is said about this time that Jesus spent with Peter is exactly what those men said: “It is true the Lord has appeared to Simon.” Why? We each need His personal attention. We desperately need His individual and compassionate care. Anger, denial, rejection in words cannot prevent Jesus from coming to us. It’s a heart filled with anger and deception and wantonness that places distance between the Lord and ourselves.
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Jesus may be a complete stranger to you, or He may be as those two men thought a Prophet, but it wasn’t until they became familiar with God’s Word that Truth was able to emerge and Christ, the Anointed One, was truly recognized.
Time flows like a spring of water, but a mule cannot be led to drink. And, like the sands through an hourglass, so are the days of our lives. We can’t change the past or what tomorrow will bring, but we don’t have to be stuck or stymied by stubbornness or rejection or fear.
Jesus invites us to walk with Him in miraculous realms. This may stir your spirit, but there is much about us that robs us of experiencing its reality. Quite possibly, there’s a mountain of obstacles that must be moved, but God is the only One Who can help us overcome our ordinary life perspectives so extraordinary accomplishments can be realized and achieved.
Only God can accomplish what is impossible for us, and this is the mission He sets us on – Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery, and there is so much to discover. For God has designed a process that promises transformation will just naturally occur:
ASK —– SEEK —– KNOCK
For this is God’s promise: Ask it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; those who seek shall find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened (Matthew 7:7-8).
Know, there are multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision (Joel 3:14) so I ask what is your decision? Are you willing to seek a friendship with Jesus? In Isaiah 26:7 the Message Bible identified the Lord as the Leveler, Who stops us at the crossroads so we can look around
(Jeremiah 6:16) and give thought. Consider well your decision, to develop a friendship with the One Whose righteousness levels and evens a path in this fallen world with Truth and Grace so we can linger, for it is sign-posted with His decisions (Isaiah 26:7 The Message).
Praise God! The Lord desires to show us a more excellent way!
1 Corinthians 12:31
God’s Word reveals the One, Who offers Peace instead of confusion; Truth instead of our patterns of denial; Understanding instead of ignorance; Wisdom instead of foolishness; Righteousness instead of error; the Way to an abundant Life. Where fear is overcome by Love, for God is love! And His desire is to fill us with His Word so we not only come to know, but receive all the benefits that result from knowing the only One Who is Good (Matthew 19:17). For we are surely very familiar with the drawbacks and disadvantages of knowing evil!
The information I share has not been gained by just reading books, though the knowledge I received from them was essential. I also share what is based on experience. A lifetime of experiences has been woven together by the only One Who could accomplish such a miraculous life-changing feat – Supplanting (usurping, displacing, cutting out) fear with Love and Power and the Soundness of Mind that God’s Word of Truth bestows.
Our will, our words, our emotions are powerful for how we think and feel generates action. However, what cannot be disputed there are only ever two choices: Good or Evil, Life or Death, Peace or Discord, Right or Wrong…and two wrongs will never make things right. And, unfortunately our heart and the ways of this world keep us bound to self-interest, and many lessons are being learned the hard way.
If there was interest in the image God created us to be, then it would be possible for the likeness of the Lord to be seen. For then, we’d better understand how our prideful nature really does set us up for failure. For the first Adam became for us a living soul; however, the second Adam, Christ Jesus, became for us a Life-Giving Spirit (1 Corinthians 15:45).
So much interest has been invested in the standards of this world, and as a result, moral and ethical, social and work-related decorum (civility, correctness) is not only being trampled, the techniques-of-deceptions are readily being used. Yes, the white-washing of denial: Rationalizing, justifying, minimizing, accusing, blaming, excusing… is being applied in attempts to cover wrong-doing. Prayer was removed from schools and metal detectors are being installed. What is being gained? What is being lost? What really matters?
OUR SPIRITUAL LIVES MATTER!
Every person born on earth is automatically enrolled in the world’s school of hard knocks. However, a choice must be made to enroll in Holy Spirit’s Academy “Transformational Life.” He shows Love and saves – Not by bow, sword or battle by horses and soldiers, but by the Lord God (Hosea 1:7), by the power and authority of God’s Word. Jesus brings us victory over any enemy (anger, addiction, fear, shame, guilt, hatred, offense, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness…)! He will put these adversaries of ours to shame (Psalm 44:6).
Along with Knowledge, Understanding and Insight, Holy Spirit gives us everything we may need to overcome and rise above those things that come against us. No matter our circumstances and whatever our differences God’s Word will always help us.
A banner has been set up for those who fear and worshipfully revere God; a standard displayed because of the Truth (Psalm 60:4). Twenty-five lessons are being offered that to date have evolved from a 30-year process of growing and gaining knowledge of God’s Word of Truth, Christ Jesus. During those early years, my mouth was filled with empty talk since insight and discernment were simply not a concern. Too much time was devoted to earning approval, seeking acceptance and validation in order to feel valued, in order to feel loved.
Countless attempts were made to protect and defend against all the regrets, disappointments and failures of my yesterdays, while at the same time being hindered, even impeded by the fear I projected into my tomorrows. Working to earn the love and respect of others; however, going about it with character deficits and learned behaviors that caused people to be put off. Unable to recognize the Truth of our human condition, so surely not realizing how flawed my efforts and how unrealistic my expectations.
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I was being frightened and made off-balanced by my own doings: Critical, disrespectful, judgmental and self-righteous opinions and attitudes that absolutely affected, while also infecting my soul, my spirit, my way of thinking with diseases such as codependency, people-pleasing, the confusion and fear and deep-rooted anger that emotional traumas generate.
So much fear and confusion amassed since childhood wanting to please and be accepted, to be valued and loved. Trying to cope; yet, deluged over and over by the uncertainties of life. How difficult to remain even-keeled, when feelings specific to self-interest are unpredictable and fragile, and so easily injured by the teeter-tottering of emotion.
I was made aware of God’s process for transformation while going through the upset and emotional trauma adversity causes. I would not wish such adversity on anyone, but I have personally experienced, like so many of us have, the turmoil and pain that stubbornness and trusting my ways were better causes.
Hurting people hurt people intentionally and not so intentionally, we still get hurt. There’s an insanity involved in all of this when we’re doing the same things over and over yet expecting, hoping, praying for a different result. God can’t snap His fingers so our learned behaviors could be removed. The result would be like suffering a form of amnesia, with this essential component unrecognizable: What we really, truly believe. But God, He is very aware of the purpose and potential He has placed in us, and He is very willing to birth new Life within us!
If your interest has been peaked, I pray you consider taking part in these lessons and receive whatever God is waiting to impart. Each lesson has the title given to it by Pastor John Baker, so steps can be taken, twelve, that will take us further than we could have hoped or imagined. Like Jacob who wrestled with the Angel of the Lord, and afterwards received the new name Israel, which represents his change of character; we too can experience miraculous changes when the strength and power of God’s Word is known.
Yes! These steps have been established so we can walk into realms of understanding with Holy Spirit as our Guide, as we set off on this journey of Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery. There are principles Pastor Rick Warren established, eight in all, that will provide support and protection, as spiritual guardrails, during this process of our becoming more God-dependent rather than codependent. For then, we can truly experience what it means to celebrate Renewal, to Celebrate Recovery, to celebrate friendship with God, Who seats us in heavenly realms (Ephesians 2:6) and does immeasurably more for us than what we could ever think or ask (Ephesians 3:20).
The first key is to maintain an honest view of the spiritual reality God wants us to know. Begin by not only considering circumstances and events as substantial, but by becoming aware of the substance of Truth – the Life, the Alpha and Omega, the heart and spirit as we work on taking steps of faith remembering, proclaiming:
God exists and I matter to Him
That God could and would if He were sought
Admitting I am powerless
If God is your co-pilot, switch seats
Acknowledging in certain areas my life became unmanageable
Sorrow shared is halved; Joy shared is doubled
Believing God will restore me with Love, a Sound Mind and Power
Success means getting your BUT out of the way
Believing God will help me stay committed to this decision to put
All of who I am into His possession and safekeeping
There is no magic in this process of renewal and recovery only miracles
Believing the Word of God will encourage, support and strengthen me
As I make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself
There is pain in this process. Misery is optional
Because of God’s loving-kindness I have become willing to admit to God,
To myself and another person the exact nature of my wrongs
The road to resentment is paved with expectation
With Truth as my solid foundation, I have become entirely ready to have God
Remove all my defects of character
Courage is faith that has said its prayers
Having received faith and hope and love for the Surety God has given
I humbly ask Him to remove my shortcomings
F.A.I.T.H. = Fantastic Adventure In Trusting Him
Having gained knowledge and insight and understanding I have become willing
To make a list of anyone I have harmed, and to make an amends to them all
Just for today I will try to live through this day only,
And not tackle my whole life problems at once
Having gained confidence and trust in God’s refuge I have become willing
To step out with the mindset I am doing this with God and for His glory to make
My amends whenever possible unless to do so would cause injury to others
Remembering nothing is going to happen today that you and God can’t handle
I embrace my covenant relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit by continuing
To take a personal moral inventory, and when I am wrong being prompt to admit it
We are not human beings having spiritual experiences;
We are spiritual beings having human experiences
I invest in my relationship with God by communicating through prayer and meditation,
To improve my conscious contact with Him seeking knowledge of His will
And the power of grace to carry that out
If God seems far away, who moved?
I seek Revival, Restoration and Reconciliation, a spiritual awakening, as a result
Of taking steps to carry God’s message to others and to practice
These principles in all my affairs
Worry is a conversation you have with yourself about things you cannot change.
Prayer is conversation with God about things He can change!
Within each lesson information from the following sources has been included:
- Co-Dependent No More Melody Beatty
- Beyond Co-Dependency Melody Beatty
- Codependents Guide to the Twelve Steps Melody Beatty
- The Trauma Zone R. Dandridge Collins, PH.D
- Breaking Free Pia Mellody & Andrea W. Miller
- Celebrate Recovery Leader’s Guide John Baker
Denial is the first of 25 lessons incorporated into our journey of Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery, an undertaking that will make you ride high and soar above what disillusions and shames. You’ll be free to enjoy God (Isaiah 58:14 Message)! Honoring the Lord in what we do, not following our own desires and pleasures, not talking idly. Then the Lord will be our delight! He will see to it we each receive our full share of blessings as God’s will is being done to Refresh, Replenish and Revive – a spiritual Rebirth – as His purpose is given definition: Rebirth. The English Language Learners helps us to better understand:
1. The act or process of becoming healthy after an illness or injury; the act or
process of recovering
INNER HEALING
2. The act or process of returning to a normal state after a period of difficulty
DELIVERANCE
3. The return of something that has been lost, stolen, etc.
SALVATION
- Denial has been defined as:
- A false system of beliefs that are not based on reality
- And a self-protecting behavior that keeps us from honestly facing the Truth
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The Psalms have been my prayers, and I asked: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting,” Psalm 139:23-2. For surely Lord, “You desire truth in the inner parts; therefore, teach me Your wisdom in the inmost place,” Psalm 51:6.
The Lord answered and sent me on this journey of inner healing and recovery, and it’s my pleasure to share the discoveries I have made with you. Within each section the amassed information emanates its own distinct findings and encouragement; however, when worked and melded together, like a kaleidoscope, they offer radiant portrayals of God’s love and concern for our overall well-being. For this quest is one designed with the support of God’s Word, which provides a solid foundation one not swayed by opinion or emotion for this sole purpose: Life changing breakthroughs would be experienced!
The Message Bible tells us not to shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of us. Look up and be alert to what is going on around Christ (Colossians 3:2)
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Yes, the Son of God has come and offers us knowledge, insight and understanding, so that we may know Him Who is True (1 John 5:20)
“I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear, to be in awe and wonder of Me, so that they will never turn away from Me. I will rejoice in doing them good with all My heart and soul. I will betroth you to Me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness and you will acknowledge the Lord,”
Jeremiah 32:40.
This is God’s testimony: He gives us eternal life, and this life is in His Son (1 John 5:11). And this is eternal life: That they may know the Father, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, Whom He has sent (John 17:3).
Praise God! It took time but I received this Good News, and now I know that Jesus, God’s Word of Truth and Life and Grace, continues to walk on earth accomplishing the miraculous so we can open our eyes and see, open our mouths and taste how good God truly is (Psalm 34:8).
The Lord doesn’t leave us lame, He becomes our Righteousness making us upright, putting us in right standing with God (1 Corinthians 1:30), for He desires the upright to see His face (Psalm 11:7), and share in His glory (2 Thessalians 2:14). This is why He says:
“Come now, let us reason together.”
Are you aware of the exchanges God was able to make for you through His Son?
- Jesus was condemned that you might be forgiven
- Jesus was wounded that you might be healed
- Jesus was made sin for your sinfulness, that you might be made upright by His
righteousness - Jesus tasted death for you that you might receive everlasting life
- Jesus was made a curse that you might receive an abundance of blessings
- Jesus endured poverty that you might prosper and be in health even as your soul
prospers - Jesus bore your shame that you might receive His glory
- Jesus endured rejection that you might know God’s acceptance
- Jesus was cut off that you might be united with your heavenly Father
- Jesus laid His life down so you could be made alive in Him
This is why I have prayed over this outreach – For God, Fore His Glory – that it would be as a beacon that signals safe refuge in the arms of Jesus, while holding out to all – the Word of Life (Philippians 2:15 TLB); which is a Beacon for sound advice; a Light that emanates good
teaching; a Life path of moral and corrective discipline (Proverbs 6:23).
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There is much that has been lost, given away and taken from us. This time is God-given for you to recover from the abuse and trouble and harsh (codependent) servitude you have endured (Isaiah 14:3 The Message). This time is God-given for you to discover tools, keys and truths that will work to free you from the chains of injustice and the cords of that yoke (cruel and abusive exploitations of this world). To set free those who are oppressed (dominated, coerced, belittled, demeaned); and break every yoke (anger, hatred, prejudice, lust, greed…). (Isaiah 58:6-9).
All that’s needed is a willingness to say Jesus,
“Here I am! I’d like to be Your friend.”
This is the God-given time to be edified so any falsehood in which you have been living can be identified, and those things weighing you down can be removed. Along this course of Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery, I saw myself walking down a very brightly lit white corridor, and as I navigated through each and every step, following principles, receiving what these lessons imparted, I saw myself setting things down – emotional baggage. Ridding myself of self-blame and shame and guilt. I was learning the difference between accountability and responsibility what was mine and what was not. I was learning to be patient, respectful and kind to myself, to take care of my side of the street, to live one day at a time.
There is a lot of information; however, remember to keep in mind this material is meant to work in your behalf to release you from character deficits and self-destructive behaviors that are harm-filled one step at a time; one day at time (a process). And, if assistance is needed for one moment, one hour at a time, God’s Word will always be there to support and empower. That you might recover cheerfulness and encouraging strength and know gladness (Psalm 39:13) and wonderful times of refreshment that God sends from heaven, the presence of the Lord
(Acts 3:19 TLB).
This information is life changing! For you will grow in knowledge and confidence knowing, trusting, believing – God loves you; and it is God Who will help you remain confident in His love for you as He helps you to apply what pertains to you and your life at this present time. God will help you reclaim your power from the likes of fear or anger or issues of control that we have empowered for such a long, long time. And what’s so very sad, the empowerment we provide the forces of negativity is being used to inflict harm against ourselves and others.
So I encourage you, no matter how simple or complex the circumstance you face – keep in mind there are only two choices – two directions in which to go. My prayer, my hope is you choose daily to continue on God’s mission of Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery. Come, travel its paths and find rest for your soul (Jeremiah 6:16). Discover God is a fountain of Truth (John 3:33). Discover His words and live, really live; body and soul, you’ll burst with health (Proverbs 4:22) as this discovery is made – Who you really are, and your place in God’s family (Matthew 5:9).
STEP ONE
(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER OUR ADDICTIONS
AND COMPULSIVE BEHAVIORS AND THAT OUR LIVES
HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE
“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful
Nature, for I have the desire to do what is good,
But I cannot carry it out,” Romans 7:18
PRINCIPLE ONE
REALIZE I’M NOT GOD, I ADMIT THAT I AM POWERLESS
TO CONTROL MY TENDENCY TO DO THE WRONG THING
AND THAT MY LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE
“Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor,” Matthew 5:3
LESSON ONE
DENIAL
PART ONE
- Denial has been defined as
- “A false system of beliefs that are not based on reality,” and
- “A self-protecting behavior that keeps us from honestly facing the Truth”
- As children we learned different coping skills to deal with
- Pain
- Fear
- These coping systems worked for a time, but as the years passed
- They confused and clouded our view of the Truth
- As we grew, our perception of
- Ourselves
- Our expectations
- Of all those around us also grew
- This occurs because we retain our childish methods of coping
- Causing our perceptions of reality to become increasingly more
- Unrealistic
- Distorted
- Causing our perceptions of reality to become increasingly more
- Denial has turned to shame and guilt for some
- Denial is the “Pink Elephant” sitting in the middle of the living room
- No one in the family talks about it or
- Acknowledges it in any way
- Talking about it only makes it worse
- If we don’t talk about it
- It will go away
- Let’s pretend that it didn’t really happen
- If I tell the other person what they said hurt me
- I’m afraid they will leave me
- They really don’t drink that much
- I eat because you make me so mad
- If you didn’t nag me all the time, I wouldn’t….
THIS IS DENIAL
- During our first step we face and deal with our denial
- According to BOB CARTY LCSW, CADC, CCJP
- Denial is also an unconscious, psychological defense that activates
certain thoughts and behaviors
- Denial is also an unconscious, psychological defense that activates
- Psychological defenses are activated automatically when a person feels
- Threatened
- Experiences certain emotions especially
- FEAR
- GUILT
- SHAME
- Frequently, these reactions are triggered in the brain by the mere anticipation
of a threat- Not an actual threat
- Several words related to denial:
- Disbelief
- Distortions
- Deception
- Distractions
- Discrepancies
- Delusion
- Greater denial is needed to block out greater devastation caused
by circumstances- Lost jobs
- Divorces
- Incarcerations, etc.
- The more life seems out of control
- The more the need to “PROVE” to ourselves and others
- Everything is OK
- Everything is OK
- The more the need to “PROVE” to ourselves and others
- The following are different patterns of denial — developed by Terence Gorski
N.C.A.C II, C.S.A.C and the CENAPS Corporation with regard to Denial
Management Counseling- They are self-destructive patterns that have the power to hurt
- Especially when we feel
- Helpless
- Vulnerable
- Frightened
- Shamed by it all
- Especially when we feel
- AVOIDANCE
- MINIMIZING – Problem is less serious
- RATIONALIZING – Finding ways to justify problem
- BLAMING – Refusing to accept responsibility
- COMPARING – Other people have the same problem
- MANIPULATING – Forcing others to act as rescuers to solve your problem
- SCARING SELF INTO RECOVERY – Fear of consequences
- COMPLIANCE – say anything – Leave me alone
- FLIGHT INTO HEALTH – Feeling better means I’m better
- STRATEGIC HOPELESSNESS –Nothing works don’t try
- DEMOCRATIC DISEASE STATE – Right to do as I please – live my life
- ABSOLUTE DENIAL – Refusing to admit
- They are self-destructive patterns that have the power to hurt
- Healing occurs when confronting replaces
- Avoidance
- Avoidance is a hallmark of the anxiety disorders
- It seems natural to avoid pain and suffering; however, without awareness,
- Integration does not occur
- When we avoid
- We never learn that we can triumph over our fears
- When we avoid
- We never learn new coping skills
- We remain controlled by the past
- We never learn new coping skills
- We can learn to confront in a safe and orderly way
- This process of inner healing and recovery means
- Dealing with the entire package of our
- Self-defeating
- Compulsive behaviors
- Any other problems that may have emerged
- Dealing with the entire package of our
- We don’t deal with these behaviors or problems by thinking
- We’re bad for having them
- We address ourselves and our renewal (inner healing) and recovery
- With a sense of forgiveness, by expressing a certain
- Gentleness
- Kindness toward ourselves
- With a sense of forgiveness, by expressing a certain
- We begin to understand the behaviors we’ve used were survival tools
- We’ve been coping
- Doing the best we could
- Protecting ourselves
- It has been suggested these behaviors may have
- Saved our lives
- Saved our lives
- Whether it’s a compulsion to
- Care-take
- Control
- Work
- Eat
- Compulsive behaviors initially are about stopping the pain
- Although they are only temporary
- They create more pain that may take on a habitual and
problematic life of their own
- We don’t change perfectly or completely
- During this process of healing and recovery
- We still protect ourselves with survival behaviors
- We still give to people
- We continue to care about people, but
- We learn we are responsible for our behaviors
- Our behaviors have consequences
- We learn we are responsible for our behaviors
- During this process of healing and recovery
- We learn we are accountable to God, to ourselves and to others
- For the decisions and choices we make
- We learn some behaviors are self-defeating,ave r
- Have resulted in our making unhealthy and at times
- Harm-filled choices
- Have resulted in our making unhealthy and at times
- Therefore, it is necessary we acquire a deeper understanding of Codependency –
leaning on, trusting in and relying on ourselves and others- Instead of truly leaning on and relying on and trusting God
- God-Dependent
- Instead of truly leaning on and relying on and trusting God
DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA FOR CO-DEPENDENT PERSONALITY DISORDER
- Continued investment in the ability to control both oneself and others
- In the face of serious adverse consequences
- Assumption of responsibility for meeting others’ needs to the
- Exclusion of acknowledging one’s own
- Anxiety and boundary distortions relating to
- Intimacy
- Separation
- Enmeshment in relationships with
- Personality disordered
- Chemically dependent
- Other co-dependent and/or
- Impulse disordered individuals
- Which includes three or more of the following:
- Constriction of emotions
- With or without dramatic outbursts
- Depression
- Hyper-vigilance
- Compulsions
- Anxiety
- Substance abuse
- Has been (or is) the victim of recurrent
- Physical
- Sexual abuse
- Stress-related medical illnesses
- Has remained in a primary relationship with an active
substance abuser for at least two years- Without seeking outside help
- Excessive reliance on Denial
- Constriction of emotions
- Codependency is primarily a reactionary process
- Overreaction to
- Problems
- Pain
- Lives
- Behaviors of others
- Overreaction to
- Because we lean on, trust in and depend on others, their behavior will
naturally affect us- We naturally attempt to control that individual’s behavior so as to
make it pleasing to us (or as we often justify) better for them- This is Codependency
- Sound familiar
- Sound familiar
- This is Codependency
- We naturally attempt to control that individual’s behavior so as to
- It is necessary for us to learn how
- Not to react
- To act in healthier ways
- Which taking these steps will help us accomplish because they point
us toward God - Who guides us and comforts us throughout our life’s journey of inner
healing and recovery
- Which taking these steps will help us accomplish because they point
- The heart of the definition of codependency, our inner healing and recovery
- Lies in OURSELVES
- Not in other people
- In the ways we have let another’s behavior affect us
- In the ways we try to affect them:
- The obsessing
- The controlling
- The obsessive “Helping”
- Care-taking
- Low self-esteem bordering on self-hatred
- Self-repression
- Abundance of anger and guilt
- Peculiar dependency on peculiar people
- Attraction to and tolerance for the bizarre
- Other-centeredness that results in abandonment of self
- Communication problems
- Intimacy problem
- Lies in OURSELVES
Father, I don’t always know Your will, especially in times like now, when I’m desperately
Seeking Your face. I offer You no promises, no bargains, no deals in exchange for my inner
Healing and my health. I simply bow my heart before You to tell You the desire of my heart:
That I want to spend as many years as I can loving You here, loving others and wanting to
become more like You. However, what You choose to accomplish that is up to You
And okay with me. If You use doctors to provide healing,
Give them wisdom to know what to do.
Regardless of how You accomplish it, the healing You give is always miraculous.
And You deserve all the praise. But, If Your answer is no, or not now, I know
Your grace is sufficient for me. Ultimately, I want Your will to be my will. I look forward
To spending an eternity with You. But Lord, if You have planned still more for me to do
Here on this earth, I not only need and want Your physical healing, Lord, but a thorough,
Deep-down cleansing and strengthening — a whole-hearted renewal of all that I am.
Because all that I am is Your’s! Strengthen me from a “what-if” faith
To a “No-matter-what” faith. And no matter what, I choose to honor You
And give You glory. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
Rebecca Barlow Jordan