Lesson #25 Seven Reasons We Get Stuck (2 of 2)

STEP TWELVE

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE AS THE RESULT OF THESE STEPS,
WE TRY TO CARRY THIS MESSAGE TO OTHERS,
AND PRATICE THE PRIINCIPLES IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS

“Brothers and sister, If someone is caught in a sin, you who
Live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.
But watch, or you also may be tempted.” Galatians 6:1

PRINCIPLE EIGHT

YIELD MYSELF TO GOD TO BE USED TO BRING THIS GOOD NEWS
TO OTHERS, BOTH BY MY EXAMPLE AND BY MY WORDS

“Happy are those who are persecuted because
They do what God requires,” Matthew 5:10

LESSON TWENTY-FIVE
SEVEN REASONS WE GET STUCK
PART TWO

One important change that occurs in our journey toward wholeness
- We simply stop being intimidated by the pain that once tormented us
Victim behavior ceases
- We learn over time to taunt our trauma
This means that we
- Boldly face our pain
- Listen attentively to the voice of Holy Spirit inside of us
- Follow the course that God has set before us
Inevitably, we won’t run away
- We focus
- We pray
- We march forward
We don’t let anything deter us
We buy into the vision the prophet Isaiah shared of a time
- When God’s people would be so in tune with His will
  - Nature itself would change

“In that day the wolf and the lamb will live together; the leopard will lie down
With the baby goat. The calf and he yearling will be safe with the lion,
and a little child will lead them all.”
Isaiah 11:6

This passage is powerful good news for those of us who have experienced
our share of
- Emotional upheaval
The radical idea of the predator and the prey lying side by side is not an
invitation for us to become our predator’s club sandwich
This is a prophetic declaration
- God will change us
Even if we are surrounded by evil
- We will not be consumed or overtaken by it
We played the role of a panic-driven person whose character ran in
circles screaming
- “HELP”
Our transformation has given us a new script
We walk straight ahead now, with
- Determination
- Resolve
When we spot trouble
- We slow down and instead say
  - “What can I do to help?”
We are able to help ourselves and to help others
- We are on the mend
We are people who have become whole
- We have learned the secret

TRAUMA IS NO MATCH FO US!

Our trauma is like a snowflake
As people on the mend, we are like a hot oven
Without an environment of
- Worry
- Fear
  - Our trauma falls apart

When we understand how our trauma works
- We can make it fall apart every time as we do the
  opposite of what the voice of trauma instructs us to do
Our trauma has no power over us
- When we learn to be at peace in the presence of our pain
We recognize dangerous
- People
- Situations
  - Now we know how to stay out of harm’s way
We choose NOT to go into a frenzy
- When challenges cross our paths
Instead, we have learned to
- Work through
- Hurdle
  - Our difficulties
We use our past hurts as fertilizer for our growth
We now have the courage to THRIVE

THE OPPOSITE OF BEING IN TRAUMA IS THRIVING!

Thriving is the last stage of Transformation
Thriving begins with the BELIEF
- God has intended all along for us to have His best
This doesn’t mean that we won’t have trials
- Quite the contrary
But, when we align all of the resources in our Father’s hands that He
imparts to us against the travail we experience on earth
- We have more than enough resources to cope
  - We thrive
    - Our cup is over-flowing
Our emotional distress has been a thief
The Bible tells us:

“THE THIEF’S PURPOSE IS TO KILL, STEAL AND DESTROY”
John 10:10

How much sleep has our pain stolen from us
How many opportunities have we lost because
- We were zoning out rather than tuning in
How many relationships have been ripped apart because
- We were reacting to past wounds
Yet Jesus is saying despite the influence of hardship
- Which none of us can escape
  - He is on the scene to usher in life in all of its fullness

We know that we are thriving
- When we handle our life challenges much differently
  than we did before
  - Our thriving is the after shot
  - In it we make a strategic shift from
    - FEAR TO LOVE
The heart of emotional trauma
- Living in fear
- Overreacting to most demands
When we are thriving
- We handle our disappointments
  - DIFFERENTLY

We learn to overpower our challenges with the love of God
- That is inside of us
His love fills us with a vision of how our difficulties are being
used by Him to
- Strengthen our character
- Empower us to help others
  - Who are suffering from similar pain
Before we knew how trauma worked
- It “WORKED US OVER”
When we consistently do the OPPOSITE of what that inner voice
of panic directs us to do
- We get much better

WE THRIVE!

We know that we are thriving
- When we just get tired of being overwhelmed by our hurts
We experience hurts
- We don’t let them have the final word anymore
God’s strength inside us has the final word
Our trauma has been a time of war for us, but as we develop the
courage to thrive, in the ageless words of the eloquent prophet Isaiah
- All the nations “Will hammer their swords into plowing shares
  and their spears into pruning hooks”

We can overcome the turmoil in our lives
- When we thrive, our healing mushrooms
We are not perfect
- Who wants that burden
We are able to make a difference in the world around us
We gratefully enjoy the life God has given us we
- Relax more
- Smile more
- Are more confident
- Don’t allow setbacks to cripple us
- Embrace opportunities to grow

While working these steps, we begin and continue our inner
healing and recovery journey by
- Changing behaviors
- Paying attention to our thoughts
- Dealing with our feelings
We are getting to that miraculous deep healing and change
- That takes place in the very core of our being
We may hurt a little, sometimes a lot, to be healed but
- Our issues and behaviors have hurt a lot, too
Any pain we feel in the process of healing has
- A promise
- A reward at the end of it
We are no longer suffering
- Needlessly
- Endlessly
We are hurting only as much as is needed to finally heal
from our pain
- We feel better than we ever imagined possible

The promise of working these steps is the core healing
we are seeking
- Through a spiritual awakening

While working these steps we become aware
- We no longer have the right to inundate our life with
  - Sabotaging
  - Self-defeating
    - Fears
    - Beliefs
Fears that want to control
- Beliefs that want to destroy our
  - Peace
  - Joy
It is time
- To let go of them
- To heal
We become aware we are not separate from God
We can take His hand and be co-creator
- Allowing Him to take the lead
We are not helpless
We do have choices
We learn to be connected to others
- To look to them for
  - Comfort
  - Compassion
We learn
- Nurturing ourselves is our job
We will be in trouble
- If we expect someone else to do that job for us
We will learn daily to accept ourselves
- All our feelings are valid and important
We learn to take care of
- Our feelings
- Ourselves
We no longer have to become enmeshed in the downward
spiral of
- Trying to control others
- Allowing them to control
  - Us
  - Our lives
  - Our happiness
We will unpack those negative beliefs
- That have been controlling our lives
We may discover
- The biggest pain we have felt and faced in our lives
  - The pain of being us
Inner healing and recovery will
- Unmask
- Heal that pain
  - Many have been (or are) the victims of
    - Recurrent physical or
    - Sexual abuse
The threat of abuse is always present
Whether it stems from abusive incidents or merely from feeling like a
hostage to the
- Angry rantings
- Depressed ruminations
  - Of an out-of-control spouse or parent
    - It lodges in the heart like a thorn
We tend to MINIMIZE
- The amount of violence in our relationships
- The level of stress we live under
We do not see ourselves as victims
- Except in the most extreme cases
  - Even then we frequently take the blame
    - Either we “Caused” the abuse or
    - We “Deserve” to be treated abusively
Our denial system prevents us from viewing the situation
- Realistically
When others are unhappy
- We often see it as a result of our own inadequacy
  - Being abused further lowers our self-esteem
As often happens in hostage situations
- We begin to identify with our aggressors and
  empathize with our aggressors’
  - Frustrations
  - Disappointments
Our own needs take second place, or are not considered at all
- In the end, we stop believing
  - We should be treated with respect
Victims of abuse are usually too embarrassed
- To speak freely about it
Telling the Truth requires them to “Betray” their family
- The resulting sense of guilt may activate the tendency
  to minimize what they have just said
  - It may release a flood of dammed-up feelings
We now know that abuse is cyclical
- Many of its victims grow up to become abusive themselves
Many suffer stress-related illnesses
- Home life is highly stressful
We compound this constant exposure to stress by
- Denying that it exists
- Denying that we are affected by it
We are capable of getting through times that might
- Slow down
- Stop people with less
  - Determination
  - Willpower
- This in itself becomes a source of pride
  - Which serves to offset our chronically low self-esteem
Since the minimization of our behavior or the minimization of ourselves is
- A symptom of our DIS-EASE
  - It is difficult to persuade us to look honestly at our situation
Many of us have remained in a primary relationship with an active
substance abuser for at least two years
- Without seeking outside help
No one wants to expose their family to the scrutiny of others
There is a point at which these reasons become excuses
- The desire to stand on one’s own two feet becomes
  - Martyrdom
When one refuses to seek outside support
- To avoid having their denial system confronted
  - Silence has become Self-Serving
When one is motivated by fear of the chemical dependent
- The situation is no longer HEALTHY
When one is blocked by pride
- Passivity has become dangerously Self-Destructive

Let’s talk about the seven reasons we get “Stuck” in our journey
of inner healing and recovery
(1) YOU HAVE NOT COMPLETELY WORKED THE PREVIOUS PRINCIPLE
- Perhaps you are trying to move through the steps too quickly
- SLOW DOWN
- Give God time to work
- Just moving forward isn’t always progress
- Remember, inner healing and recovery is a
  - Journey not a destination
- Take your time with each Step
- Work it to the best of your ability
- Many people can get lost trying to find an easier route
  for the straight and narrow
- Galatians 5:25 says:

“SINCE WE LIVE BY THE SPIRIT, LET US KEEP IN STEP WITH THE SPIRIT!”

(2) YOU HAVE NOT COMPLETELY SURRENDERED YOUR LIFE AND YOUR WILL
TO THE LORD
- The first thing we needed to do
  - Ask Jesus Christ into our hearts as our Higher Power
- The second
  - Seek to follow His will for our lives in all our decisions
- It is possible you are trying to trust Jesus with the “Big” things but
  - You are still trusting yourself to handle the “Small” things
- Ask yourself:
  - What part of your life are you still holding on to
  - What areas of your life are you withholding from God
  - What don’t you trust Him with
- Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us:

“For good judgment and common sense….Trust in the Lord completely;
Don’t ever trust in yourself. In everything you do, put God first
He will direct and crown your efforts with success”

(3) YOU HAVE NOT ACCEPTED JESUS’ WORK ON THE CROSS FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS
- You may have forgiven others
- But continue to think your sin is too big to be forgiven
- 1 John 1:9 tells us:

“If we confess our sins to God, He can be depended on to forgive us,
And cleanse us from every wrong”

EVERY WRONG
- Not just some of our wrongs
  - ALL of them
- Your sins are not that special
- Aren’t that different from what God has forgiven of others
- Ephesians 1:7 says:

“So overflowing is His kindness towards us that He took away ALL
Our sins through the blood of His Son, by Whom we are saved”

This verse says
- “ALL OUR SINS”
  - Past
  - Present
  - Future
- The question may be
  - “Have you forgiven yourself”
- This is what God wants you to do with the darkness of your past

“’Come now, let us reason together, though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson,
They shall be like wool,’”
Isaiah 1:18

Remember:

“THERE IS NOW NO CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST JESUS!”
Romans 8:1

( 4) YOU HAVE NOT FORGIVEN OTHERS WHO HAVE HARMED YOU
- It is essential for our inner healing and recovery
  - We let go of the pain of past harm and abuse
- Until you are able to release it and forgive it
  - You will continue to be held as its prisoner
- God’s Word promises in 1 Peter 5:10-11:

“After you have suffered a little while, our God, Who is full of kindness
Through Christ, will give you His eternal glory. He personally will pick you up,
And set you firmly in place, and make you stronger than ever”

You may also need to ask forgiveness for blaming God
- Let God off the hook for what others chose to do to you
  - There is God’s will
  - The devil’s will
  - Your free will
    - ALL at work on the earth
- The harm that was done to us was from the free will of others
  - Not God’s will

(5) YOU ARE AFRAID OF THE RISK IN MAKING THE NECESSARY CHANGE
- Some of us put off change
  - Procrastinate as long as they can
- There may be several reasons for delaying positive change

YOU MAY BE PARALYZED BY THE FEAR OF FAILURE
- Remember, falling down doesn’t make you a failure
- It’s staying down that does
YOU MAY RESIST CHANGE (GROWTH) BECAUSE OF FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
- We can all agree that our lives can be “A Mess”
- Working the steps makes it possible for your life to change
- We change all sorts of things, but often don’t think about t
  - The need to change ourselves
- Isaiah 41:10 says:

“Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed…I will strengthen you;
I will help you; I will uphold you with My victorious right hand.”

Hebrews 13:6 tells us We can say without any doubt or fear:

“The Lord is my Helper. I am not afraid of anything
Mere man can do to me”

(6) YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO “OWN” YOUR RESPONSIBLITY
- We are not responsible for all the things that have happened to us
- We are responsible for the way we react to them
- In the case of abuse, in no way is the victim at fault or responsible
  for the abuse
- Psalm 139:23 says:

“Examine me, O God, and know my mind; test me, and discover…
If there is any evil in me, and guide me in the everlasting way”

We increase our
- Ability
- Stability
- Responsibility
  - When we increase our accountability to God

(7) YOU HAVE NOT DEVELOPED AN EFFECTIVE SUPPORT TEAM
- Do you have a sponsor or an accountability partner
- Do you have phone numbers of others in your small group
- Proverbs 13:20 tells us:

“Be with wise men and become wise. Be with evil men and become evil”

“Dear brothers, you have been given freedom:
Not freedom to do wrong,
Freedom to love and serve each other”
Galatians 5:13

“Share each other’s troubles and problems,
And so obey our Lord’s command”
Galatians 6:2

The roots of happiness
- Grow deepest in the soil of Service

“Father, I will thank You and confide in You forever, because
You have done it (delivered me and kept me safe). I will wait on,
Hope in and expect in Your name, in the presence of Your Saints
(Your kind and humble ones), for it is good.
You have made me like a green olive tree in Your house. I will trust in
And confidently rely on Your loving-kindness and mercy
Forever and ever,” Psalm 52:8-9