Lesson #24 Yes (2 of 2)

STEP TWELVE

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE AS THE RESULT OF THESE STEPS,
WE TRY TO CARRY THIS MESSAGE TO OTHERS, AND PRACTICE
THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS

“Brothers and sister, if someone Is caught in a sin, you who
Live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.
But watch, or you also may be tempted.” Galatians 6:1

PRINCIPLE EIGHT

YIELD MYSELF TO GOD TO BE USED TO BRING THIS GOOD NEWS
TO OTHERS, BOTH BY MY EXAMPLE AND BY MY WORDS

“Happy are those who are persecuted because they
Do what God requires,” Matthew 5:10

LESSON TWENTY-FOUR
YES
PART TWO

  • This Step tells us to “Practice these principles in all our affairs”
    • Which means we SURRENDER to and
      • ACCEPT healing in ALL parts of our lives
  • Everyone enters this journey of inner healing and recovery
    • With their own purposes and thoughts in mind
  • Something in our life is
    • Unmanageable
  • After a while we begin to see that we’re seeking a solution for
    • ALL aspects of our lives

  • This step reassures we have begun a journey
    • A spiritual journey
      • Seeking healing and health in all areas of our lives
  • This step tells us this whole-life healing process
    • Happens in ONE area at a time
  • We work the steps and tackle one portion of our lives at a time
  • These steps work in all areas of our lives
    • However we choose to compartmentalize these areas
  • These steps will restore manageability to all areas of our lives
  • They will bring
    • Healing
    • Peace
    • Love
    • Freedom
      • To ALL areas of our lives

  • These steps assure our healing and recovery
    • Is not about other people
    • But truly is about
      • Ourselves
      • Our journey
  • These steps assure the problems of others is not our fault
    • These steps are a “Selfish” program of
      • TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES
    • They set us on a spiritual journey that is
      • Gradual
      • Progressive
      • Healing
    • As we heal we achieve higher levels of respect for
      • Ourselves
      • Others
    • They help us to discover a life of our own
      • New ways of living that work
    • We learn to live life on a spiritual plane
      • A life that then becomes reflected on the physical plane
  • These steps assure this journey will take us places
    • We never planned or expected to go
  • Experiences will come that will help us resolve important issues

  • During these steps we will find ourselves experiencing a range of
    emotions from
    • Joy to despair
      • We will be drawn to the people and circumstances
        • We need in order to help us learn
      • We will discover that many of the experiences that come to us
        • Will not be what we asked for or wanted
      • Eventually we’ll learn that each holds an important lesson
        • One that was critical to molding and shaping who we are
          • Who we will become
      • We discover
        • We learn to surrender to our present circumstances
        • We also learn to trust that whatever comes
          • Will work out in our best interests
      • We will see good things being worked out in our lives
        • Better than we could have planned or imagined
      • We realize good does not always come easily or without struggle
        • GOOD WILL COME
      • We will become
        • Aware of
        • Healed from our past
  • While working these steps, self-defeating behaviors we have relied on
    most of our lives will be
    • Taken from us
    • Replaced by new, more effective behaviors
      • We make the decision to be done with self-pity
  • The need to be perfect will be replaced by a sense of
    • Accepting
    • Respecting ourselves
      • By peace and trust in
        • God
        • Ourselves
        • Our lives

  • Martyrdom will be replaced by
    • A desire to be kind and good to ourselves
  • Guilt will be taken from us
    • We will learn what it means to take care of ourselves
  • The fears that have haunted us will be replaced
  • We will know we are not alone
  • That sense of being disconnected will be replaced by
    • A strong sense of connection to
      • God
      • Ourselves
      • Others
  • We will know we are
    • Being led
    • Being guided by a loving God
  • We will discover the need to
    • Control others
    • Circumstances
    • Ourselves
      • Will gradually be lifted from us

  • We will see our past relationships in a new light, and become
    grateful for ALL of them
    • Even the most troublesome and painful
      • As we see the good worked out in us from each
  • Our most troublesome character defects
    • Will become illuminated in a new light
  • Many will be transformed into assets
  • Others we will come to accept as our
    • Humanity
    • Uniqueness
  • We will discover other issues that need to be addressed
  • We will become aware of them and deal with them
    • When the time is right
  • Shame and self-hatred will become replaced by
    • Self-Acceptance
    • Self-Respect
  • Self-respect will become real
    • Will transform our relationships with ourselves and others

  • We will be healed from the impact of abuse
  • We will go through a range of emotions including
    • Denial
    • Rage
    • Sadness
      • We will achieve forgiveness for others
  • We learn to forgive ourselves
  • Our heart and emotions will become healed and open
  • We will be done with inferiority and superiority

THE STAGES OF RECOVERY

  1. SURVIVAL STAGE
  2. RE-IDENTIFICATION STAGE
  3. THE CORE ISSUES STAGE
  4. THE RE-INTEGRATION STAGE
  • THE SURVIVAL STAGE
    • The only path to inner healing and recovery
      • Lies in confronting the core Denial
    • The belief that one can control behavior and limit one’s intake
      • Whether or while under the influence of alcohol or drugs
    • The most effective tool with which to confront this denial is an awareness
      of the pain that stems from addiction (whatever that addiction may be)
      • The pain one feels
      • The pain one causes

    • For many of us our addictions are
      • PEOPLE
    • Like chemical dependents, many of us have placed a premium
      on maintaining that our behavior is voluntary
    • While this appears to be in direct contradiction to the compulsivity
      which runs our lives
      • It makes sense if it is perceived as a denial of limitations
    • We have taken pride in believing
      • We can always draw on our willpower to tolerate one more
        disappointment
    • This belief creates the illusion that we are in control
      • While everything around us is out of control
    • The only avenue toward inner healing and recovery requires
      • A LEAP OF FAITH LONG BEFORE ANYONE FEELS READY FOR IT
  • THE RE-IDENTIFICATION STAGE
    • The core of the denial system can be shaken
    • We can somehow become (or be made) aware of the increasing
      amount of pain in our lives
    • One way this happens is through unexpected groupings of crises
      • When things go wrong (and cause pain) at the same time
    • Another way it happens is if the person finally “Hits Bottom”
      • Loses everything
      • Tragedy strikes
    • Regardless of the means, the result is a crack in the denial system
      through which the person glimpses their true self
      • A Re-Identification
    • There are two critically important facets to this stage
      • The acceptance of a label
      • The acceptance of limitations
  1. ACCEPTING A LABEL
    • Prior to entering this stage, the chemical dependent is committed
      to being “Normal”
    • Upon re-identification they become willing to accept being labeled
      • An alcoholic
      • A drug addict
      • Compulsive behaviors
      • Codependent…
    • Acknowledging one’s dependence on chemicals or processes
      • Yields three positive returns
        • It is a relief to be able to take a more objective
          view of one’s life
        • A new framework for reinterpreting one’s past
          becomes available
        • One can actually start looking forward to the future
          • There is a realistic basis for hope
    • Accepting a label isn’t easy
    • For codependents it means forsaking the role of
      • Noble Martyr or
      • Righteous Persecutor
    • It becomes much harder to see oneself as a victim
      • When the label of codependent requires
        • You take responsibility for your own
          • Dysfunctional behavior

  2. THE ACCEPTANCE OF LIMITATIONS
    • Illana Estelle posted this blog article “Accepting our Limitations”
      on The CP Diary:
      • When we come to accept our limitations
        • The areas that do not come naturally to us 
      • We will learn to let go of our limitations
        • Begin to find and
        • Concentrate on our strengths instead
      • In letting go of who we think we need to be
        • We allow ourselves to embrace who we truly are
      • When we can begin to accept, and understand our limitations
        • Without seeing those limitations as a sign of defeat
          • We will see our limitations as a sign of COURAGE instead
      • We will also have the courage to recognize and let go of the things
        we know aren’t for us
        • So we concentrate on the things that we know are
      • When we can’t do something
        • It doesn’t mean we’ve failed
        • It just means we’ve found another way to do it better
  • THE CORE ISSUES STAGE
    • There is a paradox of wining through losing
      • Which is another way of saying that chemical dependents and
        codependents can only move ahead by
        • STEPPING BACK
    • They must abstain from those strategies of willpower
      • Which have compounded the problems they were supposed
        to solve
    • In particular, recovering people must eventually face the fact
      • Relationships in general CANNOT be managed by
        • A FORCE OF WILL
    • Instead, successful relationships require ach partner be accepting
      of self and their spouse
      • So they can become interdependent with one another
        • Instead of dependent on or
        • Domineering of them

    • For many of us, this idea goes against the grain
    • It takes a real leap of faith to detach in a healthy way from
      people with whom you are trying to be intimate
    • Most human emotions fall outside the range of one’s influence
    • Not only is it impossible to control other people’s emotions
      • It is downright difficult to control your own
    • You cannot predict how you will feel about a particular event on a
      particular day
      • Neither can you direct yourself to feel a certain way
        when it happens
    • The most you can do is to respond honestly to your feelings from
      one moment to the next and
      • Choose to respond with healthy and appropriate behaviors
    • The core issue stage is
      • One of DETACHING oneself from the STRUGGLES of one’s life
    • Struggles which exist because of prideful and willful efforts to
      • Control those things which are beyond our power of control
  • THE RE-INTEGRATION STAGE
    • During this stage defeat is turned into surrender and
      • Blind willpower into
        • Open willingness and
        • Acceptance
    • Our goal is to reclaim the personal power
      • We DO POSSESS
    • THIS IS NECESSARY WORK

    • During this stage we will weave a belief system
      • Which supports self-acceptance
    • We come to realize self-worth stops being something that
      must be earned, moment-by-moment
      • Through one’s accomplishments
      • Through relationship with others
    • Instead, self-worth becomes a result of maintaining INTEGRITY
      in our lives
    • How does one achieve integrity
      • With awareness, not denial
      • With honesty, not secrecy
      • With a conscious connection to our spiritual Higher Power,
        not pride and arrogance
        • All of which can be progressively cultivated

  • We return to being in control but
    • What a difference healing and recovery makes
  • Control now stems from DISCIPLINE
    • Rather than LICENSE
      • Unrestraint
      • Excess
  • Those who have made great progress along this path
    • Give testimony to their internal sense of
      • “Lightness”
      • Freedom
      • Self-Acceptance

  • What is important for us to realize
    • There seems to be no essential difference in the healing and
      recovery from chemical dependence and the healing and recovery
      from codependence
  • Treatment for the survival stage has three primary goals
    • Dismantling denial systems
    • Focusing attention on the importance of
      • Self-Care and Self-Respect
    • Recognizing and acknowledging feelings
  • During this stage, feelings that were effectively “Buried Alive”
    will surface
    • They may emerge intensely
  • We need not be fearful
    • This too is a sign of emotional health
  • Feelings that are still alive can be healed
    • Talking about them is a first step toward healing
  • Our goal is to be able to identify these feelings
    • So they can be recognized as they occur
  • When we reach this goal
    • This level of awareness concerning feelings we had buried
      • We can begin to realize the presence of a compulsion
        reveals
        • The opportunity for us to make
          • A CHOICE

  • We can choose to experience our feelings
    • Which includes those feelings
      • We had previously avoided or
      • We can give into the compulsion
  • With God’s help during this process
    • We are in a position to decide whether to deprive ourselves of
      the immediate but temporary gratification that results from
      • Giving in to our compulsions or to
      • Deprive ourselves of the feelings that will be masked
        • If we allow the compulsion to take over
  • This “Reframing” of our thinking permits only two responses:
  • One decision would be to abstain from compulsions
    • Thereby releasing buried emotions
  • Or not to abstain from compulsions
    • A decision which brings us face-to-face with our own reluctance
      to experience feelings that have
      • Habitually been avoided

  • We discover how difficult (and frightening) it is to abstain from
    something as familiar as our compulsions
  • It is not a comfortable position to be in
  • It is never comfortable to be aware of how we resist Truth
  • However, such awareness is a necessary
    • A vital precursor to change
  • In order to defeat our compulsions
    • There must be a willingness to unlock those
      • Avoided feelings

  • With God’s help we can discover the POWER we possess
    • Gain the willingness to “REFRAME” the thinking that
      prevents us from abstaining from compulsions
      • We have used as a gauge to determine
        • Our UNWILLINGNESS to FEEL

  • Willingness, by definition
    • Can never be forced or controlled by one’s willpower
    • It can only be invited in
      • Which is all that can be done with emotions we are
        • Trying to reclaim
  • This is our time
    • To stop strangling life in an effort to stay “Safe”
    • To start making friends with some of the unpredictability
      that real life involves
  • In order for us to defeat those self-defeating tendencies and/or
    compulsions it is necessary for us:
    • To obtain a concrete understanding of denial
    • An appreciation for the value of letting our buried feelings emerge
    • A realistic view of willpower
      • All of which are very useful tools
  • We need to understand that these behaviors reflect
    • Habitual
    • Unconscious patterns
      • Being distrustful
      • Controlling our feelings
      • Sacrificing our own needs to ensure
        • Others are taken care of
      • Revealing only carefully chosen parts of ourselves
      • Covering our feelings with politeness….

  • The urges we get to continue to use our self-protective behaviors
    • Stem from an old strategy of grasping tightly to any feeling of
      • Relief
      • Self-Worth
  • Use this rule of thumb:
    • When we are really ready to overcome our
      • Denial
      • Avoidance
    • We will recognize these defenses we have been using provided
      a means for us to resist experiencing the emotions that
      • Yielding to or
      • Putting a stop to our unhealthy behaviors would produce

  • With God’s help, during these steps of inner healing and recovery
    • We can gain the willingness to become conscious of ALL our feelings

             YES:

                           Y – YIELD MYSELF TO GOD

                           E – EXAMPLE IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT

                           S – SERVE OTHERS AS JESUS CHRIST DID

  • YIELD OURSELVES TO GOD
    • We need to give God the latitude
      • He needs to use us a He sees fit
    • We do this by presenting everything we have
      • Our time
      • Talents
      • Treasures
        • To Him
    • We hold loosely to what we own
      • Recognizing it all comes from God’s hand
    • When we yield to God
      • He can make us to be His instruments to carry the
        Message to others in word and action

“If a Christian is overcome by some sin…humbly help them back onto the right path,
Remembering the next time it might be one of you who is in the wrong.
Share each other’s troubles and problems, and so obey our Lord’s command”
Galatians 6:1-2

  • EXAMPLE IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT
    • Our walk needs to match our talk
    • Talk is cheap
      • The supply always exceeds the demand
    • We need to ask ourselves if our lifestyle reflects
      • What we believe
    • Are we expressing the patterns of the world
      • Selfishness
      • Pride
      • Lust – or are we reflecting
        • Love
        • Humility
        • Service of Jesus Christ

“Arouse the love that comes from a pure heart,
A clear conscience and a genuine faith”
1 Timothy 1:5

  • SERVE OTHERS AS JESUS DID
  • Jesus said:

“And since I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet,
You ought to wash each other’s feet,”
John 13:14

  • You can say “Yes” by
    • Sharing your testimony
    • Being an accountability partner
    • Being a sponsor
    • Offering to volunteer at support meetings
    • Offering to volunteer at church
    • Inviting someone to church
  • The world is full of two kinds of people
    • Givers and takers
  • The takers eat well
    • The givers sleep well
  • The road to inner healing and recovery leads to SERVICE

The prayer [that is] of faith will save those who are sick, and the Lord
Will restore them; and if they have committed sins, they will be forgiven.
Confess to one another: therefore, your faults (your slips, your false steps,
Your offenses, your sins), and pray [also] for one another, that you may be
Healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart].
The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous person makes
Tremendous POWER available [dynamic in its working].”
James 5:15-16

Whatever our individual situation might be, may God give us the wisdom
And the courage to keep on saying “YES” to Him –
Today, tomorrow, and always. May we continually hear His voice,
May we trust and obey. May we always be filled with God’s joy and peace,
Ever growing in our love for God and in our love for others.
In Jesus name I pray! Amen.