Lesson #22 Gratitude (2 of 2)


STEP ELEVEN

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
WE SOUGHT THROUGH PRAYER AND MEDITATION TO IMPROVE
OUR CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH GOD, PRAYING ONLY
FOR KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WIILL AND POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT

“Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly,” Colossians 3:16

PRINCIPLE SEVEN

RESERVE A DAILY TIME WITH GOD FOR SELF-EXAMINATION,
BIBLE READING, AND PRAYER IN ORDER TO KNOW GOD AND HIS WILL
FOR MY LIFE AND TO GAIN THE POWER TO FOLLOW HIS WILL.

Happy are the peacemakers,” Matthew 5:9

LESSON TWENTY-TWO
GRATITUDE 
PART TW0

  • Working this step means we need to relax
    • Open our conscious and subconscious minds to God
  • While working this step, we discover
    • Prayer and meditation are powerful healing and recovery
      behaviors that work
      • We need to be patient
        • The answer is coming
  • We discover prayer is how we become transformed
    • Meditation is how we become renewed
      • They are beneficial to our well-being
      • They help us stay on track
                                                                                                               
  • We acknowledge
    • Worrying
    • Fretting
    • Being envious
    • Angry
      • Is NEEDLESS
        • Praying for God’s will
        • Praying to be empowered to carry that out
          • SIMPLIFIES our lives             
  • If we are meant to do something
    • We will be given the power and ability to do it

  • IF IT IS NOT OURS TO DO
    • WE DON’T HAVE TO DO IT
                                                                  
  • We realize we can trust God
    • Be empowered to do that which
      • We need to do
        • We shall receive the
          • Insights
          • Help
          • Ability
          • Growth
          • Guidance
            • WHEN IT IS TIME
  • If we can’t do it yet
    • It is not time
      • We can quietly go about the course of our life
                                                                                                                        
  • We discover asking for knowledge of God’s will for us and
    the power to carry it out
    • Is a prayer that will ALWAYS be answered
      • “YES”                       
  • We receive assurance
    • There is a path for our lives
  • A path that means
    • Waiting
    • Giving
    • Feeling
    • Healing
    • Receiving
    • Saying yes
    • Saying no

  • Something is always happening
  • Something good is being worked out
    • In and around us
  • Something important
    • WE ARE LEARNING OUR LESSONS
  • Working these steps helps us
    • Acknowledge
    • Believe
    • Trust
      • God has not gone away
        • Even on those darkest, hardest days
          • When we feel everything but
            • Connected to Him
  • We continue to be reminded
    • We don’t have to punish ourselves when times are hard
      • There will certainly be hard times during our journey of inner
        healing and recovery  
  • We acknowledge, we don’t have to punish ourselves for our
    • Feelings
    • Doubts
    • Concerns
    • Mistakes
      • We don’t have to punish God          
                                            
  • We realize the need to
    • Relax
    • Go through each day
      • Even when there are days that bring
        • Hurt
        • Upset
      • When we’re not certain where it’s leading us      
                    
  • We must encourage ourselves, and remember
    • The hard times will NOT last forever
  • The confusion will NOT last forever
    • Clarity will come
    • The answer will come
    • The darkness of our soul will leave
      • Daylight will come     
                             
  • We will most likely discover
    • The hardest part of our prayers and meditation is
      dealing with our
      • Impatience
        • Especially if we want change NOW                                  
  • We learn to
    • Lean on God
    • Trust Him
    • Keep our faith in Him and His will

  • We pray
    • We talk to God
      • We let go and let go some more
  • The answer will come
    • When we let go of our fear                                                                    
  • We learn to trust these behaviors of prayer and meditation
    • Even when life is as chaotic when we are finished
      • As when we began                 
                                                 
  • We learn to keep practicing these behaviors of prayer
    and meditation
    • Thinking nothing is happening
      • THAT’S AN ILLUSION
        • SOMETHING IS HAPPENING
  • We are developing spiritual muscles of
    • Faith
    • Trust
    • Belief in God
  • This is the GO-WITH-THE-FLOW-OF-EACH-DAY Step
    • Even when we have to overcome
      • Obstacles
      • Face challenges
    • Though we have to put up a fight for what we want
      • We will be EMPOWERED
      • We will be given the help we need to
        • Break through those barriers
  • While working this step, we discover by talking and listening
    to God we can
    • Relax
    • Let go
    • Allow life to happen
  • We discover by asking for knowledge of God’s will for us and the
    power to carry it out we can trust
    • What is happening
    • What has happened before
    • What will happen tomorrow
  • We can trust our part in God’s plan and will             
  • We discover and accept we are safe now
  • We are cared for
  • We are protected        
  • We are free now to live our lives and respect ourselves
  • This Step gives us permission
    • To let go of our need to control
    • Our efforts to control others and our lives
  • This Step helps us understand we can do our part by: 
    • Setting goals                                                                                                  
    • Using affirmations                                                                                           
    • Practicing our basic healing and recovery behaviors      
                                         
  • We can do our part by
    • Praying
    • Meditating                                                  
  • We can let go
    • Allow ourselves to be guided into
      • Truth
      • Health
      • Healing
      • Happiness
      • Joy
      • Freedom
      • Love
  • This step helps us understand
    • We can trust what is happening
      • Even when it doesn’t
        • Look like we can
        • Feel like we can

  • This step helps us understand
    • ALL our days count
      • We need to FEEL our feelings
    • Respect and nurture ourselves as many times as we
      need to throughout our days                                                                                           
    • Say thank you to everything
      • There is wisdom and knowledge to be gained
        • In our LIFE Lessons                                                             
    • Ask for what we need and want                                                                                  
      • End the process with telling God
        • Your will be done                                                        
          • Trust what happens
  • This step will help us navigate
    • Through the best and worst of times
    • Through difficult and pleasant feelings
  • If we work these steps
    • Admitting and accepting our powerlessness
    • Turning our will and lives over to God for house cleaning
      • We will co-labor with Him to be a clean vessel
        • WILLING
        • TEACHABLE
          • One that is easily GUIDED

  • While working these steps we learn to listen
    • Listen to God
    • Listen to ourselves
      • Trust what we hear
  • We may have to let go of many false beliefs
    • Like following God’s will for us means following a rigid
      • Set of rules
      • Instructions
      • Prohibitions
      • We need to be perfect

  • We realize there may be times we find ourselves
    • Making mistakes
    • Doing foolish things
    • Thinking we are doing God’s will
      • That’s OKAY
  • We keep moving forward in this direction anyway
    • Let it go
    • Keep listening
    • Trusting God and ourselves 
  • Working this step will keep us become
    • Centered
    • Grounded
    • Balanced
  • We learn to
    • Be still
    • Be quiet
    • Ask for guidance
      • Then allow ourselves to move forward with
        • CONFIDENCE                                                                          
    • What do I need to do to take care of myself
      • Listen
      • Trust the answer
  • We learn
    • When confused or in doubt
      • We stop and ask
  • This step tells us we have a path
    • NO ONE can interfere with it
  • We don’t have to hold on so TIGHTLY
  • Others do not hold the key to our happiness
    • Nor do they hold the key to our lives

  • This step tells us that no one, NOT ONE PERSON, can stop
    or interfere
    • With the good
    • The love that is coming to us
      • Others do not hold that in their hands
        • This is between us and God
  • We can accept God’s unconditional love for us
    • We can choose to love UNCONDITIONALLY
  • We are free and empowered to do what it is we need to do
    to take care of ourselves with
    • Faith
    • Confidence
  • Nurturing, self-care behaviors will move us forward on our
    journey
  • This is the step where we say
    • “SHOW ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO THAN HELP ME DO IT”
  • This is the step where we
    • Talk to God
    • Let God talk to us

  • We ask God to help us take responsibility for ourselves
  • We believe we are in good hands now
  • This step tells us
    • The moment we open ourselves to spiritual consciousness
      • We have started a positive chain of events
        • That will benefit us
        • Our lives
        • Our relationships
  • When our conscious contact with God improves
    • Our connection with ourselves and others will also
                                                                                                              
  • Pray and meditate
  • Don’t criticize yourself for not doing it well enough
  • Let go of your fears about whether or not God hears and cares
  • GOD IS THERE      
        
  • When we don’t know what to do next
    • GOD DOES
  • Each day we are exactly
    • Where we need to be
    • Where we are meant to be         
  • Trust God
    • He will never, never ask us to do anything that He
      will not equip and supply us to do

  • If we are to do something
    • God will EMPOWER us   
  • We never have to do more than we CAN
  • We never have to do anything we CAN’T   
  • We never have to do anything before it’s TIME
    • When it’s time
    • We will do it
  • Remember, many of us have maintained an excessive reliance on DENIAL:
    • A selective inattention to internal and external realities                                             
    • Denial lies largely outside the direct control of a person’s conscious                   
      awareness                                                                                                            
    • Denial results from a deep UNWILLINGNESS to experience feelings that
      would ensue
      • If those forbidden realities were ACKNOWLEDGED                                                
    • An unwillingness so deep the mind blocks any awareness
      • That would lead to dangerous emotions                                                 
    • Denial may be seen as an IMPAIRED strategy for
      • Achieving security in the face of a threat
    • Narrowing one’s awareness can create
      • The appearance of safety 
    • Frequently we see the breakdown of our denial system as a sign of our
      own personal inadequacy
      • Much as chemical dependents view their growing lack of control
        over their using as a sign of personal weakness                
        • Each typically attempts to regain control through renewed
          applications of willpower                                                      
      • Denial is rarely
        • Acknowledged
        • Relinquished
          • Until the pain and emptiness of our ever narrower and more
            isolated life becomes too much to bear 
  • Many of us suffer from a CONSTRICTION of emotions
  • Some of us may even view emotions as
    • Enemies
    • Weapons
  • The emotions worked at hardest to restrict are those normally
    considered too
    • Immature
    • Dangerous
    • Uncomfortable
    • Just plain bad:  
      • Anger
      • Fear
      • Sadness              
      • Rage
      • Embarrassment
      • Bitterness
      • Loneliness

  • It is impossible to put a lid on such “Negative” feelings without also
    IMPEDING the expression of more positive ones
    • Such as happiness
  • This effort to control one’s feelings is precisely the behavior targeted 
    by the second half of the First Step
    • “We admitted…that our lives had become unmanageable
  • Many of us have been deeply dedicated to “Managing” our lives
    • A dedication that stems from the same
      • Pride
      • Self-Confidence
      • Arrogance
    • That leads humans to feel they can improve on nature by
      • Exterminating dangerous beasts
      • Throwing poison on fields to eliminate “Bad” insects

  • In a desperate attempt to survive
    • In other words, not to feel
      • Some people have chosen to
        • “Close Down”
        • “Shut Down”
        • “Phase Out”
  • This results in a quality of being more present in body
    • Than in mind
  • Numbness gives the illusion of
    • Safety
    • Control
  • Some of us may also exhibit symptoms which
    • Appear to directly contradict the constriction of feelings:
      • The dramatic outburst
      • The compulsive display of feelings
  • When unexpected feelings have built up over time
    • The most minor incident can trigger an explosion
      • Causing that individual to feel “Crazy” and “Bad”
  • The essence of codependence is to minimize the anxiety and
    ambiguity of allowing feelings to run their natural course by
    • Damming them up
    • Expelling them as quickly as possible
  • Many of us have suffered from:
    • Depression 
    • Anger turned inward
    • Unresolved grief
    • The chronic restraint of feelings
    • Being identified more with one’s false self than one’s true self

  • Many of us have plenty of reason to be depressed
  • We view our depression as evidence of
    • Inadequacy
    • The failure to stay in control
      • For this reason we usually deny its presence
  • To acknowledge depression is to acknowledge loss
    • Which challenges the family’s shared denial
      • Focusing attention on one’s own feelings
  • We may often cite the pressures of
    • Children
    • Work
    • Home life
      • As justification for not indulging in our personal feelings
  • Admitting that one is depressed means
    • Admitting that one has needs
  • Codependents by definition, always place the needs of others above
    their own in importance

  • Many of us are coping with Hyper-Vigilance
  • Our environments have been
    • Unpredictable
    • Basically incomprehensible
    • Highly stressful
  • The only way some of us survived was by being ultra-sensitive to the
    subtle shift of the behaviors and moods of others
  • Such hyper-vigilance is a recognized symptom of PTSD
    • Which is most typically seen in combat veterans
  • Unfortunately, there is seldom an “Off” switch
  • Once a person starts scanning the environment for signs of impending 
    disaster
    • A state of free-floating anxiety can be established
  • Hyper-vigilance is also a natural byproduct of investing one’s self-esteem in
    • Another person’s behavior
  • For many of us to feel good about ourselves
    • We must first attend to everyone else’s happiness
  • The merest hint of dissatisfaction in another signals
    • One’s own behavior needs to be modified
  • Hypervigilance requires great expenditures of energy
  • When the strain becomes too much to bear, that individual may suddenly feel
    • Overwhelmed
    • Demoralized
  • If an individual is overly reliant on the opinions and feelings of others for their own
    self-esteem, and is always watching for the slightest change in facial expressions
    or tones of voice
    • They will be in a constant state of TENSION
  • Many of us struggle with compulsions
  • Compulsivity is a primary DEFENSE PROCESS
  • The internal dynamic
    • A struggle between two poles
      • One “Inside”
      • One “Outside”

  • The person’s identity is connected to resisting the impulse
    • While the impulse itself is experienced as an alien force
  • The resulting high drama distracts the person from unwanted feelings
    • Which usually have little or nothing to do with whatever compulsion
      is currently occupying center stage
  • Codependents can only remain active in their disease by
    • Disregarding the pain that it brings
  • The compulsion may be to
    • Eat
    • Work
    • Be religious
    • Gamble
    • Watch TV
    • Read
    • Seek sex….

  • Many can describe in detail the subjective experience of sliding gradually
    • Into the whirlpool of their compulsivity
  • There is a surge of adrenaline
  • An intense buildup of emotions specific to the compulsion occurs
    • “I’ve got to stop eating”
      • While more threatening emotions are eclipsed
        • “I feel empty in this marriage”
  • A feeling of inevitability takes over
  • Eventually they stop resisting the compulsion
    • This is followed by a temporary sense of relief
  • In most cases, the emotions that are being avoided
    • Are unavailable for the duration of the compulsion
  • In order for the emotions
    • To surface
    • Be identified
    • Be experienced
      • One must abstain from the compulsion
  • To heal and recover
    • They must choose abstinence
  • Many of us are struggling with anxiety 
  • When a person’s self-worth must continually be validated by someone else
    • There is an ever-present risk that their identity will be thrown into limbo,
      should the relationship come to an end
  • Codependents are by nature
    • Chameleons
  • They become whatever their partners want and need them to be
  • Mirroring the actions and emotions of others means
    • Abandoning one’s true self in favor of a façade
      • A false self is adopted
        • This false self must shift
        • Change according to the needs of others
  • Gradually, the true self becomes less and less substantial
    • Until the anxiety that is being felt becomes anxiety
      • About their very existence 
  • Some of us have struggled with substance abuse 
  • Denial is necessary to avoid being overwhelmed by feelings
    • Substance abuse serves as a biochemical “Booster” for
      one’s crumbling denial
  • Substance abuse is consistent with the personality structure of
    the codependent

  • Codependents exhibit a wide range of compulsions
    • The use of alcohol or drugs falls into this category
  • Once chemical dependence has been broken
    • The codependence remains                        
  • Codependence left untreated
    • Acts as a BARRIER to long-term sobriety

Dear God, help me set aside all the hassles and noise of the world to focus
And listen just to You for the next few minutes. Help me get to know You better.
Help me to better understand Your plan, Your purpose for my life.
Father, help me live within today, seeking Your will, and living this day as You
Would have me – realizing, “Whatever may be Your task, work at it heartily
(From the soul), as (being done) for the Lord and NOT for men;
Knowing (with all certainty) that it is from the Lord (and not from men)
That I will receive the inheritance which is Your (real) reward. (The One Whom)
I am actually serving (working with is) The Lord Christ (our Messiah),
For Your glory, Father.”
Colossians 3:23-24     

It is my prayer, Father, to have others see me as Yours;
Not just in my words; but, more importantly, in my actions. Thank you
For Your love, Your grace, Your perfect forgiveness. Thank You
For all those You have placed in my life, for my program, my inner healing
And recovery, and my church family. Your will be done, not mine. 
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.