Lesson #14 Ready (2 of 3) - For God Fore His Glory

STEP SIX

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
WE WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE
ALL OUR CHARACTER DEFECTS

“Humble yourselves before the Lord,
And He will lift you up,” James 4:10

PRINCIPLE FIVE

VOLUNTARILY TO EVERY CHANGE GOD WANTS
TO MAKE IN MY LIFE AND HUMBLY ASK HIM TO REMOVE
MY CHARACTER DEFECTS

“Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires!”
Matthew 5:6

LESSON FOURTEEN
READY
PART TWO

While working this step we become willing to let go of:
- What we want
- Don’t want
- Need
- Want to change
- Feel
- Our plans
- Agendas
- Hopes,
- Dreams
- Goals
- And timing
- People
- Relationships
- Projects
  - We give them to God
    - If not we will find ourselves trying to control them
      - Controlling doesn’t work
  - Letting GO is the opposite of fear

While working this step, we realize this is how the process works
to identify a
- Need
- Want
- Feeling
  - Then we let go
    - Trust God so we can receive the
      - Victory
      - Healing
      - Joy in overcoming
        It is in letting go
        
        GIVING TO GOD THAT WE RECEIVE

And unfortunately sometimes, when your life has been “through the wringer”
- Your thoughts start to develop a mind of their own as a way of making
  sense out of the pain
Intrusive thoughts are utterly
- Overwhelming
What makes these thoughts that pop into your mind so stressful both
- Their volume
- Their content
They are huge distractions that
- Keep you on-the-edge
- Make you feel ill at ease

Rather than focusing on the task at hand in the here and now, those pesky
intrusive thoughts
- Refocus your attention to past hurts
- Cause you to re-experience the pain
Often these unwelcome thoughts bring something to your consciousness that
- Horrifies
- Offends you
Beyond being painful and stressful
- Intrusive thoughts are upsetting because they may plant in your mind
  - Ideas of harming a loved one
  - Acting out in rage
  - Imagining you are being inappropriate with someone sexually
Without the proper intervention, these intrusive thoughts gain momentum
- Can eventually take over your thinking
  - Like an avalanche cascading down a mountainside

The devil was persistent hounding Jesus with opportunities for sin
- Jesus redirected him to God with the Word of Truth
  - Every time
Though the thoughts increased in their intensity Jesus diminished the
devil’s power by
- Rejecting his agenda
  - Kill
  - Steal
  - Destroy
- Replacing it with God’s agenda
  - Love
  - Power
  - A Sound Mind
  - Self-Discipline
When intrusive thoughts invade your mind
- You can choose to be like Jesus
  - Redirect your thoughts toward the reassuring and comforting
    - Word of God

The number one challenge when facing intrusive thoughts
- The enormous shame people feel about the ideas that flood their minds
They feel guilty and often panic that something is wrong with them for even
thinking the thoughts that are invading their minds
When the devil attacked Jesus in the wilderness, Jesus forced him to back up by
- Countering the intrusive thoughts with words of Scripture
We can do the same

If unwanted thoughts pop into your mind
- “THERE IS HOPE”
Remember:
- Intrusive thoughts are like ice cubes
- If they don’t have the right environment
  - They will melt
- Since intrusive thoughts need an environment of fear to thrive
  - Create an environment of love and faith in your mind instead
When an unwanted thought comes to your mind
- Try not to be
  - Shocked
  - Offended
- Remember these thoughts are an aspect of your trauma that is merely
  trying to
  - Grab your attention
  - Let you know you are in a lot of pain
    - The medicine for this pain
      - A good dose of healthy thinking
    - So, when those undesirable thoughts come in
      - Just tell them that you understand why they popped up
    - They are there to remind you of how you need to respond:
      - With confidence
      - With clarity
    - Intrusive thoughts were sent to help you work through the pain
Meditate on the Scriptures and affirmations when your thoughts are
- Shocking
- Offensive:

The Bell

I KNOW WHO I AM

I am God’s child ( John 1:12)
I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15)
I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price (1 Cor. 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt. 5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation (Rom.8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil.3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor.5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom.8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor. 1:21-22)
I am assured all things work together for good ( Rom. 8: 28)
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit ( John 15:16)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God’s temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)

I am God’s co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God’s workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil. 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14). I’ve been adopted as God’s child (Eph 1:5)
I belong to God
Do you know who you are!?

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing —
Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right
What is pure, and lovely, and admirable.
Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise
Philippians 4:8

Lord, You know that sometimes I worry a lot. You know that sometimes
The strangest thoughts pop into my head. They’re frightening and upsetting.
Please help me to replace destructive thoughts with ones that bring me peace.
Help me to reflect on Your goodness rather than imagining everything
That could possibly go wrong. Keep my mind and my heart from needless worry.

I acknowledge You as the Source of my healing. Only You, Lord, can make me whole.
Only You can give me the power to resist the temptation to worry my way through
A problem rather praying my way through it. Please help me to place my deepest fears
In Your strong hands, and to allow You to transform my mind
Into a place of peace and joy. Amen.

While working this step, we realize there is no behavior too large or too small to be
worked on
- When we become entirely ready to have God remove our protective
  devices
  - We’re on the way to becoming changed
We realize the struggle in this process of inner healing and recovery
- When we become AWARE
  - The devices we have used to protect ourselves have become
    - SELF-DEFEATING
- It can be frustrating
- Difficult
- Even grueling to become willing
- READY to let go
We may see over and over again issues of
- Control
- Manipulation

During this step, we begin to realize
- We have spent years behaving in a certain way without having any
  awareness of, or experiencing noticeable consequences from
  - Our self-protective behaviors
We become aware of our behavior
- Bumping into it over and over again
- We feel the pain from that behavior the
  - Helplessness
  - Hopelessness
  - Our own inability to change
- We wonder how things will or can ever by different

It is during these steps when we remind ourselves
- We are changing
  - Right now
- We are in the process of becoming changed
  - This is how the process of inner healing and recovery works

While working this step, we become READY
- We get pelleted, sometimes bombed, by
  - Awareness
  - Acceptance
  - Change
- Our part is to become ready to let go
- Become ready to trust God to protect us
- Have Him take it from us
We may notice the closer we come to being healed of a certain
defect or issue the
- Harder it becomes to live with
  - Ourselves
  - The issue
    - This is the time to say Thank You
    - Thank You for who I am
    - Thank You, God, for who You are
    - Thank You for this mission you have set me on
      - The process that says I don’t have to do it alone
    - Thank You that I am right where I am supposed to be
    - Thank You for this defect
    - Thank You that I can’t change it
    - Thank You Lord, that You can
    - Thank You that all I have to do is become ready to let go
    - Thank You that right now I’m becoming changed

While working these steps, we realize
- CHANGE is a gift
- As is the readiness to LET GO
  - We don’t need to struggle too hard to become READY
We discover what we believe to be hard work to change is
- Our worrying and fussing about what we are or aren’t doing
- Along with our complaining and whining about some defect
  we are facing
We discover all we need to do is get READY to let go of it
- Move on to the next step
- Let God do the rest
  - We can stop working so hard on ourselves
    - Spend more time enjoying life
We discover we don’t have to obsess and worry about our healing
and recovery
- We are learning we can identify what we want to let go of
- Work toward the readiness to let it go
- Allow ourselves to become
  - Changed

We discover the readiness to let go
- Will be worked out in us and for us

We discover it is a normal reaction to
- Be reluctant
- Have our protective devices or character defects removed
- Be afraid of what will be left
  - Whether we will have enough within us to take care
    of ourselves
Our protective devices
- May have saved our lives
- May have been all we had that kept us from being
  - Crushed

Working this step will help us differentiate
- Which defects need our attention
- Which ones are just a part of our personality
  - Nothing will be taken from us that we need
  - Whatever is taken from us will be replaced by something
    - BETTER
While working this step, we recognize how dear our defects
have become
- They have been with us for so long
  - Not feeling feelings helped us cope with unbearable
    situations
  - Negativity protected us from disappointment
  - Caretaking gave us some esteem
    - A purpose in life
  - Controlling felt like our survival and our job

We realize running from our past may seem imperative
- Not looking back
- Not facing our past
  - It is frightening and forbidden to us
- We have relied on our behaviors as trusted friends
  - BUT, they have turned on us
- What once protected us may now be our UNDOING

During these steps we begin to learn a BETTER a way
- A MORE EXCELLENT WAY

We can ask God to help us become willing and ready
- Even when we don’t feel ready and willing to let go of
  - Our defects
  - Any person
  - Anything
We become aware of Truth:
- God knows the emotional pain that triggers
  - Our behaviors
- Our fear –
  - We will stay stuck in our feelings forever
- How we look outside ourselves to stop the pain
- How we manipulate people and events to our liking
  - Hoping that this would make us feel better

We become willing to ask God to help us become ready
to let go of the
- Fear
- Pain
- Panic
- Lack of trust
- All the rest that we have become enmeshed in
We become willing to
- Let go of what we need
- Let go of
  - Instead of trying to make other people STOP IT
We become willing to change how we feel
Because of our working these steps we become willing to:
- Trust God
- Trust He hears our prayers
- Trust we will feel better
- Trust we will become changed
  - We discover our trust is not misplaced

While working this step, we discover this is not a
- Do-it-ourselves process
  - We are learning to trust God
  - Trust the process
  - Trust ourselves
  - Trust we will receive the
    - Power
    - Help
    - Ability to Change
  - For now our part is BECOMING READY to let go
We discover that lessons don’t go away
- They keep repeating until we learn
We realize when it’s time to change
- It becomes harder to stay the same than it does to change

Working this step gives us permission to
- Relax
- Trust
- Become willing
Working this step gives us permission to
- Be who we are
- Let this process of change happen to us

This step is the Letting-Go Step
- THE BEGINNING OF TRANSFORMATION

This step begins the process of receiving what we want and need from God
- We become ready to let go
  - Of ALL that stands in our way
  - Of all that
    - Bothers
    - Troubles
    - Defeats
      - Perplexes us
  - Of ALL that we cannot control
  - ALL that we don’t want any more
    - What we truly desire

Following are descriptions of several typical character defect many of us
who lean on, trust in and depend on others develop
- Along with a discussion of how each defect Sabotages our lives
  - When we try to relate to others using these shortcomings
This is not an all-inclusive list
- Nor is it meant to say you struggle with them all
Read each description, then consider how any may apply to you before
proceeding to the next one

PEOPLE-PLEASING
- Is DISHONEST
- Can provoke unnecessary arguments
- Can produce resentment toward others
- The following is a brief description of three sabotaging effects
- 1. DISHONESTY
  - You give up what you really want todo
    - What someone else wants
  - Your doing so pleases that person
  - You avoid saying what you mean
  - You believe saying something else
    - Would please that person more
  - You make commitments to people for things
    - You do not want to do
    - Cannot do without a lot of trouble
    - Even things you don’t know how to do
  - You have to go through a learning process before you can
    accomplish the thing you have agreed to do
  - You deceive the other person into thinking:
    - You like to do these things because you commit to
      do them
    - The things you say represent your true feelings
      - Your true self
  - You do and say these things
    - They enhance your own life
    - Make you happy in and of themselves
- How this sabotages your life:
  - The other person cannot relate to the real person you are
    - You have hidden yourself from them
- 2. UNNECESSARY ARGUMENTS
  - When you are people-pleasing
    - You are embroiled in
      - Commitments
      - Activities
        That do not enhance your life or bring you joy
  - You tell yourself you are willing to do them to
    - Please the other person
      - That person’s pleasure enhances your life
  - The problem with this is
    - If the person doesn’t exhibit the pleasure you think they should
      or doesn’t express gratitude for your participation in the activity
      - Your life is not enhanced you feel
        Anger
        
        Fear
        
        Pain
  - The purpose of putting yourself through these undesirable behaviors
    and commitments has
    - BACKFIRED
      - Instead of enhancement you feel diminished by your
        Fear
        
        Anger
        
        Pain
  - You are very likely to hold the other person responsible for your
    diminishment
    - Since you deceived the other person into thinking you chose
      these commitments and behaviors
      - Expressing your anger sounds bizarre to the other person
      - The other person’s response is something like
        “But I thought you wanted to eat at this restaurant”
  - Your deception causes an automatic deadlock in the communication
  - How this sabotages your life:
    - The other person is
      - Deceived
      - Baffled
      - Defensive
    - You have subjected that person to unnecessary arguments and attacks
      growing out of your misdirected anger at the person for things
      - They have NO awareness of
- 3. RESENTMENT
  - When you engage in people-pleasing
    - You often assume that a non-spoken agreement exists between you
      and the other person
      - They will treat you in a similar people-pleasing manner
  - After you’ve given up what you want to do in favor of pleasing the other
    person, a time comes when you expect
    - The same “courtesy” from the other person
  - When the person, who has no idea that this non-spoken agreement is in your
    mind, does not reciprocate
    - RESENTMENT BUILDS
    - You subject the other person to your “retaliation”
      - Whether it be aggressive and outright anger or
      - Passive retaliation on a more subtle level
  - I’m not talking about when you make a clear choice to compromise and for
    example
    - Go with the other person to a certain movie
      - As long as the reason for your choice is clear to the other person
  - The situation becomes people-pleasing
    - When you pretend to prefer a comedy, and withhold from the other
      person the honest reason you are going to that movie
      - Then, later, when you bring up the spy mystery movie and the
        other person’s response is lukewarm or negative
        Resentment pops up
  - You think, “That’s not fair”
    - I cheerfully went to the comedy with them
      - Now it’s their turn
  - You turn sour and sullen, distancing yourself
    - The other person has no idea what is going on with you
  - How this sabotages your life:
    - The other person is subjected to your unexpected “retaliation”
      methods when your resentment comes up about something
      - They did NOT have information about
PERFECTIONISM
- That compulsive drive to do things perfectly
  - Leaving no detail imperfect
- Since no one can perform this way all the time in the real world
  - PERFECTIONISM LEADS TO DISHONEST COVER-UPS
- When a cover-up is impossible, unnecessary pain and agony result
  - When your mistakes are revealed
- You also can shut others out of your life with Perfectionism
- Perfectionism can be used as a wall of protection from relationships
  in which you are uncomfortable
  - Because of the pain of being in the less-than position
- Here’s a brief description of how each of these sabotaging processes operates:
- 1. DISHONEST COVER-UPS
  - Since making a mistake is so painful, you often construct massive cover-ups
    to prevent others from knowing about your mistakes
  - When you are confronted with a mistake, but engage in long explanations
    and justifications about why your error wasn’t really an error
    - Or how it was somebody else’s fault
      - You are engaging in a Dishonest Cover-Up
  - How this sabotages your life:
    - Living with a person who never seems to make a mistake or cannot
      admit it when the mistake comes to light
      - Is painful for other people in relationship with you
- 2. UNNECESSARY PAIN AND EMBARRASSMENT
  - Sometimes it is inevitable that your mistakes will catch up to you and be
    known by others and yourself
    - With no way to hide them
    - And no one to blame them on
  - Reacting to such mistakes with painful agony
  - Crying and/or anger implies that you think you should have been perfect
    - And not made any mistake
  - How this sabotages your life:
    - With this attitude toward mistakes, you are subjecting the people in
      your life to unnecessary anguish
    - They must deal with you while you are in the midst of your (unnecessary
      and inappropriate) pain and anger
- 3. SHUTTING OUT OTHERS
  - Becoming absorbed in a task to the degree it takes to do it “perfectly” is very
    likely to remove you physically and emotionally from the other people in your life
    - It takes more time
    - Your level of concentration is very deep
    - You are not as emotionally available to others as you could be
  - IF you could lighten up as I have learned
    - “Some things are worth doing, but worth doing poorly”
  - That translates to me in certain circumstances like this
    - “Go on and get it over with and move on with life and relationships that
      are more important than how I did some routine task perfectly, or prepared
      for an informal party in my home as if it were a wedding reception for the
      governor and his wife”
  - How this sabotages your life:
    - Other people may often feel shut out
    - Afraid to interrupt you even with a legitimate need
    - Just because they want to spend time with you
LACK OF PASSION
- If you cannot identify your feelings at all
  - You can be perceived as
    - Cold
    - Non-affectionate
    - Impassionate
    - Bland
    - Unexciting
      - Which deprives others of a warm, intimate relationship
  - If you cannot express an opinion or exhibit any feelings
    - Including love and joy
    - As well as the negative emotions
      - You are not in touch with what your thoughts or feelings really are
- How this sabotages your life:
  - You can be perceived as boring in conversation
    - You never offer an opinion
    - Risk disagreement
EXPRESSING FEELINGS EXPLOSIVELY
- At the other extreme
  - The inability to own your feelings directly leads to
    - Occasional experiences of explosive feelings
- After months of being “nice” and not angry
  - You may explode in rage over something that would ordinarily
    - Be only irritating
- You may sink into deep depression or suicidal thoughts after trying to
  - Avoid owning your own pain
- You may experience panic attacks as a result of not directly
  - Owning your fear
- How this sabotages your life:
  - When your feelings erupt with great accumulated force at unexpected
    times, the people with whom you are in relationship are
    - Wounded
    - Startled
      - Making life with you a very uneasy
      - Even a frightening process
CONTROLLING THE REALITY OF OTHERS
- When you cannot accept that your thinking is inaccurate
  - You cannot tolerate anyone who indicates that this might be so
- If someone challenges a statement you have made, or merely expresses the
  fact that they don’t agree
  - You begin to explain to the disputer
    - Why they are wrong
    - Why you are right
      - Which is telling this person what to think
        A form of controlling their reality
- How this sabotages your life:
  - The person who disagrees with you suffers from
    - Being misjudged
    - Falsely accused
    - Attacked for non-offensive expressions of their honest
      feelings or thoughts
      - Because of your inability to examine and own the
        possible
        Inaccuracy of your own thinking
LYING, DISHONESTY, UNTRUSTWORTHINESS
- When you cannot own what you have done or not done
  - You invent stories about your behavior
  - Tell them to the people you relate to
- For example, if you forget to mail a letter on the way to work, when asked about it
  you may either say you did mail it (when you didn’t) or say “I don’t remember”
- Also, lying can be the result of distorting the reality of any situation
  - To get what you want without having to say directly what it is
- For example, you may have a mild headache, but claim your head is “splitting” to
  get your spouse to wash the dishes
- How this sabotages your life:
  - Your lying subjects other people to
    - Confusion
    - Doubt
    - Mistrust of you in the relationship
  - When confronted directly
    - You are apt to lie or say
      - “I don’t remember”
        To cover up reality
HELPLESSNESS (OVERWHELMING OTHERS WITH YOUR NEEDS AND WANTS)
- If you are in the position of being too needy and dependent
  - You place a huge and inappropriate burden on other people in your life
    to meet your needs
    - A responsibility that does not legitimately belong to others
- How this sabotages your life
  - This may create one or several more difficulties for other people
    - They may experience inadequacy and guilt at not being able to
      meet your needs
    - They may need to back off and escape such a huge responsibility
      - Which means they cannot be in an intimate relationship with
        you because of the need to keep distance for
        Protection
    - They may experience pain when you react with resentment because
      they are not meeting all your needs

Dear God, thank You for taking me this far in this
Inner Healing and Recovery journey You have set me on.
Now I pray for Your help in making Me be entirely ready to change
All my shortcomings. Give me the strength to deal with all of my
Character defects, which I have turned over to You.
Allow me to accept all the changes that You want to Make in me.
Help me be the person that You want me to be.
In Your Son’s name I pray, Amen.