Lesson #12 Confess (2 of 2) - For God Fore His Glory

STEP FIVE

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
WE ADMITTED TO GOD, TO OURSELVES AND TO ANOTHER
HUMAN BEING THE EXACT NATURE OF OUR WRONGS

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray
For others so that you may be healed,” James 5:1

PRINCIPLE FOUR

OPENLY EXAMINE AND CONFESS MY FAULTS
TO MYSELF, TO GOD AND TO SOMEONE I TRUST

“Happy are the pure in heart,” Matthew 5:8

LESSON TWELVE
CONFESS
PART TWO

As you approach and while you are doing Step Five
- Try to keep God in your consciousness
  - A caring, nonjudgmental Power greater then
    - You
    - Your parents
    - The person who is listening to your admission
As you tell another person the exact nature of your wrongs
- It is important to also be especially aware yourself
  - What you are saying
The process is more like admitting to
- Ourselves and
- God
  - Whom we are keeping in our consciousness
    - The other person is just there listening
In other words, doing Step Five is more than quickly reading off your lists of
offenses toward others from your workbook
- Without really hearing yourself
Describing the characteristics of someone who would be a good person to
do your Step Five with is difficult

Someone whom you trust to keep this information confidential
Someone who is the same sex
Someone who does not demand to be your higher power by attempting to
create your reality for you
- Telling you what you should feel or think or do
This person needs to have the capacity to be with you as you share your
- Thoughts
- Feelings
- Letting you have them
  - Without trying to interrupt
  - Change anything
  - Interfere in any way
This person just supports you by listening
- Letting you be right where you are
The Fifth Step says
- You can only grow so far alone

You reach the point that continued growth and healing are going
to require assistance from someone else
While working Step Five, we are revealing ourselves honestly
- Being vulnerable by opening up to another human being
  and to God
  - Then facing ourselves with an attitude of
    - Acceptance
    - Nurturance
    - Forgiveness
Working this step begins the integral process of
- Unearthing
- Releasing
- Getting rid of
- Being done with
  - Shame
  - Fear
  - Guilt
  - Secrets
  - Anything else inside us that bothers us
Working this step requires
- We open our mouths
- Get out everything that causes us to
  - Feel less than
  - Weighted down by
  - Burdened by
  - Bad about ourselves
We work this step by telling the Truth about ourselves to
- Ourselves
- Another person
- God in an attitude of
  - Accountability
  - Self-responsibility
  - Acceptance
  - Forgiveness
  - Grace
We work this step after doing our inventory
- Which has started to shake up our souls
- Loosening those things that have been blocking us from
  living the life we want

During this step we sit down with another person, and begin
talking about what we have discovered while doing our inventory
- Going to the core
  - The heart, of what’s bothering us
While working this step, we make our best effort
- The best we can do at that time
While working this step, we may feel foggy about ourselves, and
discover there are
- Issues
- Secrets
- Shames
- Guilts
  - We don’t even recognize at first
Take this step with someone who can assist and lead you through
the process
- Who will lead you into
  - Forgiveness
  - Compassion for self
  - Self-acceptance
While working this Step, you may find the most troublesome things
don’t seem so bad
- Once you get them into the Light
While working this step, we discover when something bothers us
- We need to get it out into the Light to be healed from it
We need to talk about it because
- The more it bothers us
  - The more shame and self-hatred it causes
- The more it controls us and our lives
  - The more important it is to bring it out

Working this step means that whatever it is you are most afraid or
ashamed to discuss is what
- We most need to talk honestly about to be healed
While working this step, we open up about the
- Secrets
- Guilt
- Fear
- Anger
- Pain that has been plaguing us for years
  - Especially the wrongs we have done
  - The walls that we have built
    - They need to be pulled down
By working this step, we discover the need to talk to others, and show
that side of ourselves we’d rather not show
- The part that’s weak
- Feels frightened
- Has needs
- That gets angry
- Has feelings
- Isn’t all “Together”
- Isn’t perfect
  - So we can stay healthy

Most of us have come from families that were
- Troubled
- Repressed
- Dysfunctional
Some of us have been victims of
- Sexual
- Physical
- Emotional abuse
  - Neglect
  - Abandonment
  - Alcoholism
  - Addictions…
We have struggled with emotional trauma, and understand the concept
- “TRAUMA CAN’T TELL TIME”
That’s what makes this aspect/portion of healing from past hurts
- So unnerving

Trauma is a “Three-Headed Monster”
- Flashbacks
- Nightmares
- Intrusive Thoughts

Flashbacks
- Take you back to that place of pain
The Bible tells us we are e
- Fearfully
- Wonderfully made
God created our bodies and our minds with an intricate blueprint
This is good to know because our suffering often convinces us
- We are a mistake
  - An accident
On the contrary, Scripture affirms
- We are NOT an accident
- We are a DIVINE “ON PURPOSE”

Your mind in particular was created in such a way, when it is overwhelmed
- It can function much like instant replay
In a sporting event, if a play is controversial, the replay cameras will show
the play in question from every available angle
Something similar happens with flashbacks
When you have an emotional experience that overwhelms you, the mind can use
flashbacks to help you repeatedly look at something from different angles to see
if you can master it through further examination

What happens, the sense replay in your mind is not a sense of mastery, but a
sick feeling in your gut that leaves you with a gnawing sensation
- You are trapped in a time warp with no way out

It is your unconscious mind’s effort to create an instant replay of your trauma

Flashbacks are intense memories that can surface in various ways
- An Image
- Smell
- Touch
- Taste
- Sound
- Feelings
- Numbness
The flashback is reviewing your pain so that you can get a healthy grip on
what transpired
In a strange way, your flashbacks are an attempt to help you
- Reconcile
- Exit the trauma
  - By facing your pain
    - So go with it

It is important to process the information in the flashback
It is important to proceed at a comfortable pace
Traumatic memories, especially flashbacks, are extremely powerful
- You can take your power back

One of the best ways to take the charge out of your memories
- Get grounded
Emotional grounding is connecting with the present in a way that feels
- Comfortable
- Safe
When you feel safe in the moment
- Process the flashbacks
  - Remembering they are just memories
If your mind brings it up
- You can look at the memory/s and not panic
  - You realize they can’t hurt you

Take time to:
- Accept the flashback
  - Allow your mind to recall and understand the traumatic event
- Control the flashback
  - Interrupt the memory
  - Replace it with comforting thoughts to calm the
    stressfulness of the memory/s
- Escape the flashback
  - Postpone when you deal with the memory
    - This can be done if the flashback is still too
      overwhelming

Remember, the flashback will continue
- Until you master its content
During this journey of inner healing and recovery the need to
process and understand the difference between
- Being Accountable
- Being Responsible
  - IS ESSENTIAL

The definition of Accountable
- Subject to giving an account
  - ANSWERABLE
    - She was held accountable for the damage
- Capable of being explained
  - EXPLAINABLE
The definition of Responsible
- Liable to be called on to answer
- Being the cause or explanation
- Able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations
- Able to choose for oneself between right and wrong
- Marked by or involving Responsibility or Accountability
The definition for Responsibility
- The quality or state of being responsible: such as,
  - Moral
  - Legal
  - Mental accountability
  - Reliability
  - Trustworthiness
- Something for which one is responsible
  - Burden which has been neglected
The definition of Accountability
- The quality or state of being accountable especially
  - An obligation or willingness to accept responsibility
  - To account for one’s actions
- Bad things happen to
  - Kind
  - Generous
  - Thoughtful
  - Caring people
- The Bible is full of people who experienced trouble
  - Some at the hands of others
  - Some caused because of their own
    - Harmful
    - Self-destructive desires
- Like most people, David experienced both forms of trouble. In Psalm 34.
  He shares his heart with us:

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.
The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them,”
Psalm 34:4-7 NASU

David was justified by faith, and found peace with God through the Angel
of the Lord, through Jesus

“Jesus Christ, through Whom we also have access by faith into the grace of God,
In which we stand and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that,
But we also glory in tribulations (troubles), knowing that tribulation produces
Perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not
Disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by Holy Spirit
Who was given to us. For when we were still without strength, in due time
Christ died for the ungodly”
Romans 5:1-7.

Jesus died for us, the ungodly, so we too could learn to believe and proclaim the
Power of God’s Word when troubles occur

“I trust in the Lord. I will rejoice and be glad in His lovingkindness,
Because He has seen my affliction; He has known the troubles of my soul,
He is my strength. The God of Truth (Who strengthens me with every word He speaks).
He has ransomed my life”
Psalm 31:4-8 NASU

While working this step, we discover the need to be perfect has made us hide
that imperfect side of ourselves from others and from ourselves
We face those
- Feelings
- Painful memories
- Flashbacks we may suffer
  - That we have tried to dodge
  - And certainly have not shared with others
God wants our spirits, our souls to heal
- So remember the purpose of a flashback
  - To bring healing from an event/s that overwhelmed you
God doesn’t want you to be anxious about anything
- Instead, cast all your anxiety on Him
- He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7)
  - So you can learn to relax your mind
  - Consider flashbacks as an instant replay
    - Not a horror movie

The Message Bible gives the Word of God a contemporary voice to encourage us:

“Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God
Isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced.
This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner”
1 Peter 4:12-13

God is on the job working in our behalf
- All the time

As a matter of fact, Psalm 139:17-18 assures us that God’s thoughts of
you and me are vast in sum
- More than the sand
  - Can you imagine

God wants our thoughts to be peaceful, and with His help
- We can process those undesirable memories
  - Go ahead reflect on what you can learn from what happened
  - Think of it in terms of the measures you need to take to move forward
    - Measures that will keep you safe
    - That will help you move beyond the experience that has been so
      upsetting for you

Father, You have taught me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
You created me to be healthy in body, mind and spirit. When I have a flashback,
It is Your way of saying, “My child, it’s time to put these memories to rest.”
So, I will ground myself in the safety of Your love, and face the memories that once
Tormented me, knowing that as long as I am connected with Your strong right arm,
I don’t have to fear anything — not evil, not flashbacks, or enemies

Thank you, Lord, for sending Your comforting presence. You empower me to face
Anything, whether it is outside me or inside my own mind. The replay
In my own mind is inviting me to reflect on my painful memories so that I can
Make sense out of them. I take that invitation today. I am safe in Your love and
I am at peace. Amen

While working this step we will begin to
- Recognize and identify our needs
- Take responsibility for them
- Bring them to people
We discover the need to bring ourselves — the real us — to people
- Openly
- Honestly
  - This will not be easy
  - Certainly not comfortable
    - We may have been the one others reacted to

We discover it is good for the soul to learn to reach out when we need
to do that
- We aren’t a bother
- We’re not a burden
We tell God and ourselves
- Who we are
- What we want
- What we have done
- Our wrongs
- Our secrets
- What we are really feeling
- What we fear
  - We can break through our denial
We need to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge our self-destructive
tendencies to:
- Blame ourselves for everything
- Pick on ourselves for everything
  - Including the way we
    - Think
    - Feel
    - Look
    - Act
    - Behave
- When others blame and criticize we
  - Get angry
  - Self-righteous
  - Indignant
    - Something we regularly do to ourselves
Yes, we need to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge our
self-destructive tendencies to:
- Reject compliments or praise
- Get depressed from a lack of compliments and praise
  - Stroke deprivation
- Feel different from the rest of the world
- Think we’re not quite good enough
- Feel guilty about spending money on ourselves, or doing
  unnecessary fun things for ourselves
- Fear rejection
- Take things personally
- Feel like victims
- Feel we can’t do anything right
- We’re afraid of making mistakes
- Have difficulty accepting criticism
- Wonder why we have a tough time making decisions
- Expect ourselves to do everything perfectly
- Wonder why we can’t get anything done to our satisfaction
- Have a lot of “Shoulds”
- Feel a lot of guilt
- Feel ashamed of who we are
- Think our lives aren’t worth living
- Try to help other people live their lives instead
- Get artificial feelings of self-worth from helping others
- Get strong feelings of
  - Low self-worth
  - Embarrassment
  - Failure, etc..
    - From other people’s failures and problems
- Wish good things would happen to us
- Believe good things never will happen
- Believe we don’t deserve good things and happiness
- Wish other people would like and love us
- Believe other people couldn’t possibly like and love us
- Try to prove we’re good enough for other people
- Settle for being needed

Detachment is the goal of most inner healing and recovery programs
It is not detaching from the person whom we care about
- It is detaching from the agony of involvement
It is something we do so we can begin to do the necessary work on
ourselves, so we can
- Live our own lives
- Feel our own feelings
- Solve our own problems
  - Until we have detached from the object of our obsession
Some of us are attached to the people and problems in our environments

Attachment is becoming overly-involved
- Sometimes hopelessly entangled

Attachment can take several forms:
- Our mental energy is attached because
  - We become excessively worried about
  - Preoccupied with a problem or person
- Our mental, physical and emotional energy is directed at the object of
  our obsession because
  - We become obsessed with and controlling of the people and
    problems in our environment
- Our mental, emotional and physical energy is attached since
  - We become reactionaries, instead of acting authentically
    - Of our volition
- We become really attached
  - We may have become emotionally dependent on the people around us
- We are firmly attaching ourselves to their need for us
  - We have become
    - Caretakers
    - Rescuers
    - Enablers to the people around us
While working this Step we:

C – CONFESS OUR SHORTCOMINGS, RESENTMENTS, SINS

O – OBEY GOD’S DIRECTIONS

N – NO MORE GUILT

F – FACE THE TRUTH

E – EASE THE PAIN

S – STOP THE BLAME

S – START ACCEPTING GOD AND HIS WORD

CONFESS
- Shortcomings
- Resentments
- Sins
God wants us to come clean,
- Admit WRONG IS WRONG
  - We’re “Guilty As Charged”
We need to “OWN UP” to the sins we discovered in our inventory
For the person who confesses
- Shame is over
- Realities have begun
Proverbs 28:13 tells us:

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper,
But whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

Confession is necessary for fellowship
Our sins have built a barrier between us and God

OBEY GOD’S DIRECTIONS
- Confession restores our fellowship
- James 5:16 instructs us to, “Confess your sins to each other,
  and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”
- Confession means we agree with God regarding our sins
- Romans 14:11-12 tells us:

“As surely as I am the living God, says the Lord, everyone will
kneel before Me, and everyone will confess that I am God.
Every one of us will have to give an account of ourselves to God.”

NO MORE GUILT
- During this step we can restore
  - Our confidence
  - Our relationships
  - Allow ourselves to move on from our “Rear View Mirror” way of living
    - That keeps us looking back
    - Second-guessing ourselves and others
- Romans 8:1 assures us:

“There is no condemnation now for those who live in union
With Christ Jesus.”

“All have sinned;…yet God declares us ‘not guilty’….
If we trust in Jesus Christ, Who freely takes away our sins,” |
Romans 3:23-24.

The “C-O-N” is over
- We have followed God’s directions on how to confess our wrongs
- We “FESS” up and
  - Experience four positive changes in our lives

We are able to FACE the Truth
- Inner Healing and Recovery requires HONESTY
- Jesus said:

“I am the Light of the World.
Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness,
But will have the Light of Life”
John 8:12

Confession brings EASE TO THE PAIN
- A person who speaks the Truth is always at ease
- We are only as sick as our secrets
- When we share our deepest secrets
  - We begin to divide the
    - Pain
    - Shame
- A healthy self-worth develops
  - One that is no longer based on the world’s standards
  - Instead based on the Truth of Jesus Christ
- Pain is inevitable for all of us
  - Misery is optional

“There was a time when I wouldn’t admit what a sinner I was.
But my dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days
With frustration. My strength evaporated like water on a sunny day
Until I finally admitted all my sins to You, and stopped trying to hide them.
I said to myself, ‘I will confess them to the Lord.’ And You forgave me!
All my guilt is gone!”
Psalm 32:3-5

We STOP THE BLAME
- It has been said people who can smile, when something goes wrong,
  probably just thought of somebody they can blame it on
- The truth is, we cannot find peace and serenity
  - If we continue to blame ourselves or others
- Our secrets have isolated us from each other
  - Long enough
- They have prevented intimacy in all our important relationships
- Jesus tells us:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye,
And fail to see the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother,
Let me get the speck out of your eye,’ when there is a plank in your own?
Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you can see clearly enough
To remove your brother’s speck of dust”
Matthew 7:3

We START ACCEPTING GOD’S FORGIVENESS
- Once we accept God’s forgiveness
  - We are able to look others in the eye
- We see ourselves and our actions in a new light
- We are ready to find the humility to exchange our short comings

“For God was in Christ, restoring the world to Himself,
No longer counting our sins against us, but blotting them out”
2 Corinthians 5:19

In confession, we open our lives to the
- Healing
- Reconciling
- Restoring
- Uplifting grace of Jesus Christ
  - Who loves us in spite of ourselves
1 John 1:9 reminds us:

“If we confess our sins, He will forgive our sins, because we can trust God
To do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done.”

Dear God, thank You for Your promise that if we confess, You will hear us
And cleanse us, easing our pain and guilt. Thank You that You always do what is right.
In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.