Lesson #4 Sanity (2 of 2)

STEP TWO

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS) 
WE CAME TO BELIEVE THAT A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES
COULD RESTORE US TO SANITY

“For it is God Who works in you to will and to act according
To His good purpose,” Philippians 2:13

PRINCIPLE TWO

EARNESTLY BELIEVE THAT GOD EXISTS, THAT I MATTER TO HIM
AND THAT HE HAS THE POWER TO HELP ME RECOVER

“Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted,” Matthew 5:4

LESSON FOUR
SANITY
PART TWO

• Working this step thinking about a Power greater than ourselves makes it
  possible for us to
  • BECOME READY
  • ACCEPT
  • ADMIT THE TRUTH: 

WE ARE POWERLESS

• To work this step we are asked to have FAITH
  • To believe all will be well because a Power greater than ourselves is
    working good for us
  • To help us develop a sane spiritual approach to any life situation
• Work this step with faith in a Higher Power
  • Learn to resolve conflicts not avoid them so insane and objectionable
    behavior in those around us or in ourselves
    • Can be addressed
• We work this step with faith in a Higher Power Who can and will help us to
  get through
  • Unpleasant
  • Painful situations
• We work this step with faith in a Power greater than ourselves
  • We receive help to deal with
    • Loss
    • Change

• During the First Step, we face and admit the
  • Unmanageability
  • Pain
  • Loss in our lives that felt
    • Dark
    • Hopeless
• The Second Step takes us out of the darkness, and into the Light of
  • Hope
  • Promise

• Codependency (leaning on, trusting in and relying on people instead of
  God) brings 
  • Dis- ease
  • A progressive process
    • One of reaction
    • Inaction
    • Malefaction 
      • Immorality
      • Corruption
      • Crime
      • Offense
      • Violence
      • Sin…

• One thing leads to another
  • Things get worse
• Recovery and renewal (inner healing) is also a progressive process of
  • ACTION
• If we take certain steps
  • We get better
  • So do things
• Codependency takes on a life of its own
  • So does our inner healing and recovery

• Our renewal (inner healing) and recovery is a process
  • We can trust that process in spite of its
    • Ups and downs
    • Back and forths
    • Blind spots
      • IT WORKS

• We can do our part then
  • Let go
  • Let ourselves grow
• We can do our part
  • Stop feeling like a perpetual victim
• We learn we are not crazy
• Those with alcohol and chemical dependencies or addictive tendencies to
  • Lie
  • Gamble
  • Seek sex
  • Intimidate
  • Avoid…
    • Will discover they have been affected by this disease of
      Codependency in ways so powerful and baffling
      • It will take years to fully understand
        
        
• We can start getting honest
• We can start crying
  • We may not get the program of these steps
    • It will get you
• We can start to accept our powerlessness
  • Over other people’s addictions
  • Over other people
  • Over the entire mess our life may have become
• We begin to recognize
  • The unmanageability in our life

• These steps can do that for us by working the program
  • We can be restored to sanity
    • If we are seeking restoration and inner healing
• Many do not start out believing a Power greater than ourselves can
  restore us to sanity
  • They work into it
  • They grow into their belief
  • They come to believe
    
    
• It’s okay if you don’t believe, if you fake it
  • Just keep working the steps along your journey
    • Until you do believe
    • Until the restoration begins
• For many seeing is believing
  • Seeing other people with problems similar to ours restored to sanity
    as a result of working through these steps

• We can learn how to let go by watching others who were dealing with the
  same type of problems
  • Noticing that they look okay
• We can draw strength from their strength
  • It is obvious they are doing something positive to deal with messes they
    have made in their lives to
    • Do BETTER
    • Not to be BITTER
• We come to believe this process of renewal and recovery will work for us
  • We see changes in other people then
    • We believe
      • We begin to see small changes in ourselves

• SURRENDER
  • Wave the white flag

• We each have our own ideas of what it means to be restored to sanity
  • These ideas may change as we change
• Insanity has been defined as “Doing the same thing over and over again,
  expecting a different result each time
• Allowing others to treat us badly, living life as victims
  • Is insane
• Living in denial, telling ourselves other people are fine
  • People who are abusing us
  • Treating us poorly
    • Telling ourselves that there is something wrong with us
      for not liking this abuse
      • Is insane
• Believing that we deserve so little from life
  • Is insane

• Being restored to sanity means
  • Learning to become balanced emotionally
  • Discovering the ability to extend grace to someone who cannot express
    their anger appropriately without becoming either
    • Enraged
    • Passive
• Being restored to sanity means allowing others to be themselves without our
  attempts to
  • Change
  • Alter
  • Fix them or their problems
• Being restored to Sanity means becoming
  • “Un-Enmeshed”
  • “Disentangled”
  • From those areas in our lives where we wear ourselves out in power
    struggles to control
    • We have been trying to do the impossible
      • We are “Out of Control”

• When crazy things happen, and they will
  • We can learn to respond sanely
    • “I’m sorry you feel that way”
• Being restored to sanity for some may mean
  • We stop chasing after people trying to fix and control them
    • Sanity is learning to live our own lives
• Some of us may need to be restored from continual self-neglect to learning
  to pay kind attention to
  • Ourselves
  • Our needs
• Some may need to be restored from believing they had to, and could,
  control others
  • To a place of letting go of others and allow life to unfold

• Sanity has been defined as “Wholeness of mine
  • Making decisions based on the Truth”
• Jesus is the only Higher Power Who offers
  • The Truth
  • The Power
  • The Way to Everlasting Life

                          SANITY GIVES US:

    S – STRENGTH

• With Jesus as our Higher Power
  • We receive strength to face the fears that, in the past,
    have caused us to
    • Fight
    • Flee
    • Freeze
• Now we can say:

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. 
Therefore, we will not fear”
Psalm 46:1

“My mind and my body may grow weak, but God is my strength;
He is all I ever need”
Psalm 73:26

• Relying on our own power, our own strength is what got us here in
  the first place
• We were disconnected from our true power source – God
  • We believed we didn’t need
    • His help
    • His strength
    • His Power
• Choosing to allow my life to finally run on God’s power – not my own
  • Limited power
  • Weakness
  • Helplessness
  • Sense of inferiority
    • Has turned out to be my greatest strength
• God comes in where our helplessness begins

   A – ACCEPTANCE

• We learn to have realistic expectations of ourselves and others
• We learn not to relate to others in the same old way
  • Expecting a different response or result than they have given us
    time and time again
• We begin to find the sanity we have been searching for
• We remember to pray, and ask God “To give us the courage to change the
  things we can, and to accept the things we cannot change”
• As our faith grows, and we get to know our Higher Power better, it becomes 
  easier for us to accept others as they really are
  • Not as we would have them be
• WITH ACCEPTANCE
  • COMES RESPONSIBLITY
• We stop placing all the blame on others for our past actions and hurts

“Accept one another, then, for the glory of God,
As Christ has accepted you”
Romans 15:7

   N – NEW LIFE

• In the pit of our hurts and habits we were at our very bottom
• We know the feelings expressed in 2 Corinthians 1:8-9:

“We were really crushed and overwhelmed, and feared we would
Never live through it. We felt we were doomed to die, and saw how powerless
We were to help ourselves; but that was good, for then we put everything
Into the hands of God”

• God…alone CAN save us….
  • We expect Him to do it again and again
• The penalty for our sins was paid in full by Jesus on the cross
• The Hope of a new life is Freedom from our bondage

“When someone becomes a Christian they become a new person inside.
They are not the same anymore. A new life has begun!”
2 Corinthians 5:17

   I – INTEGRITY

• We gain integrity as we begin to follow through on our promises
• Others start trusting what we say
• The Apostle John placed great value on integrity

“Nothing brings me greater joy than hearing that
My children are living in the Truth”
3 John 4

• Remember, a half-truth is a whole lie
  • A lie is the result of weakness and fear
• Truth fears nothing
  • Nothing but concealment
• The Truth often hurts
• It’s the lie that leaves the scar
• A person of integrity and courage is not afraid to tell the Truth
• That courage comes from a Power greater than ourselves for me – Jesus Christ
  • The Way
  • The Truth
  • The Life

   T – TRUST

• We begin to trust in our relationships with others and our Higher Power
• As we “Let go and let God”
  • Admit that our lives are unmanageable
  • We are powerless to do anything about it
    • We learn to trust ourselves and others
• We begin to make real friends during our journey of renewal (inner healing)
  and recovery

“It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you,
But if you trust the Lord, you are safe”
Proverbs 29:25

   Y – YOUR HIGHER POWER

• Jesus Christ loves you just the way you are
• No matter what comes your way
  • TOGETHER YOU AND GOD CAN HANDLE IT
• 1 Corinthians 10:13 assures us:

“God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.
But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out”

“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, Who daily bears our burdens”
Psalm 68:19

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”
Romans 5:8

• Inner healing and recovery is a daily program
  • We need a Power greater than ourselves
    • A Higher Power Who will provide us with the
      • Strength
      • Acceptance
      • New life
      • Integrity
      • Trust
        • To allow us to make sane decisions based on
          His Word of Truth

• While working these steps we will learn how to
  • REALLY CARE FOR
  • REALLY RESPECT OURSELVES
• We will recognize and identify those many ways we spent
  • Sabotaging intimacy
  • Relationships
  • Ourselves
• We will change our behaviors
• We will change our rules
  • The powerful messages from the past that control
    what we do or don’t do
    • TODAY
• We will begin to really work with affirmations
  • Those promises found in the Word of God

• We will deal with the host of ways we have been affected by other people
  and their problems
  • This may mean at times bowing to the simple acceptance of what is
• We will become changed

• Renewal (inner healing) and recovery is a process we can trust
  • We can trust where we are at in that process

• Renewal (inner healing) and recovery is a healing and spiritual process
• Renewal (inner healing) and recovery is a journey
  • Not a destination
• We travel a path from self-neglect into
  • Self-responsibility
  • Accountability
  • Self-care 
  • Self-respect
• It is a forward moving journey
  • Like any journey there may be
    • Detours
    • Back-tracking
    • Getting lost
    • Finding the way again
    • Occasionally stopping to rest

• Unlike other journeys, this one of inner healing and recovery
  can’t be traveled by forcing the next foot forward
  • It’s a gentle journey
    • Traveled by discipline
    • Acceptance
    • Celebrating where we are in that journey
      • Today
        
        
• Where we are today is where we’re meant to be
  • It’s where we need to be to get where we’re going
    • Tomorrow
• And that place we’re going tomorrow will be better than any we’ve been before
• In spite of best efforts to stay on track, sometimes we find ourselves reverting
  to old ways of
  • Thinking
  • Feeling
  • Behaving
    • Even when we know better

• The sanity to which we must be restored is the knowledge that
  • We are perfectly imperfect
  • We can only do certain things about that
  • IMPERFECTION is the normal human condition
• Three basic stances toward a Higher Power seem to be set up by the
  experience of growing up in a dysfunctional family
• Some people have a blend of two or all three of them:
  

1. THERE IS NO HIGHER POWER; I AM MY OWN HIGHER POWER

• Two experiences a child can have in a dysfunctional family can set this up
• The first is when parents abandon the child and never confront or correct
  the child’s imperfection
• The child gets the message that anything they want to do or say is acceptable
• There is no Higher Power to guide and correct such a child in these matters
• On becoming an adult, the person doesn’t really understand they have any
  imperfection
• Therefore, there is no place for a Higher Power in the adult person’s life
  • The person is their own higher power
• Further, such a person doesn’t feel a need to be restored to sanity because the
  person doesn’t know that they have any insanity

• The second experience that can create this attitude toward the Higher Power is
  when parents enmesh with the child and manipulate them into taking care of them
  or their responsibilities, instead of taking care of the child and leaving them free
  to be a child
• The message from the parent is the child is the higher power of the parent, of the
  family and of themselves
• Therefore, on becoming an adult this person has great difficulty grasping at an
  operational level the idea that there is a Higher Power, having BEEN the higher power
  of others and themselves since childhood

2. A HIGHER POWER EXISTS BUT ISN’T THERE FOR ME

• This attitude is usually that of the child who was ignored in childhood
• The parent was minimally involved with the child concerning a few dependency needs
  and wants, but not enough to teach the child how to acknowledge or take care of
  these needs and wants
• This child, on becoming an adult and considering the concept of a Higher Power,
  believes that a Higher Power exists but won’t restore them to sanity
• The person cannot turn to a Higher Power for help or strength in any real sense
  because they expect to be ignored

3. THE HIGHER POWER IS HARSH, PUNITIVE AND CRITICAL

• The process of being restored to sanity will be shaming, painful
  and miserable
• This is usually the attitude of the child who was attacked with criticism and 
  punishment when they were imperfect
• In adulthood this person might believe that there’s a power greater then
  themselves that will restore the person to sanity, but doesn’t believe that it’s
  going to be comfortable or that life will be any better
• The person has a negative relationship with a Higher Power and cannot
  embrace or  share any issues of their own imperfection
• To avoid being attacked, this person has great difficulty talking about their 
  imperfections to anybody or admitting their imperfections to a Higher Power

• This reaction can sometimes lead to actually denying that a Higher Power
  even exists so the whole issue of being attacked and punished can be avoided
• If this happens, the person can also become their own higher power
• Our relationship to our father influences our ideas about a Higher Power
• This fact is hardly ever conscious, and even religious professionals often don’t  
  realize that although their theology is impeccable, their actual trust level  
  regarding a Higher Power is very low because of long-forgotten abuse issues
  
  
• A person’s first experience of a Higher Power in this culture is their experience  
  with dad (sometimes mom, but mainly dad)
• The way dad treated you becomes at some level how you think a Higher Power  
  is going to treat you
• If dad abandoned you, you become your own higher power, believing that you
  can accomplish your own recovery. You have difficulty believing in a Higher
  Power outside yourself
• If dad enmeshed with you and used you for his own needs (to take care of him
  or his responsibilities in the family), you also may become your own higher power
  and be unable to believe a Higher Power exists outside yourself
• If dad neglected you, you may believe a Higher Power exists, but you may not think  
  a Higher Power will help you or restore you to sanity
• If dad attacked you, you may believe a Higher Power exists and might restore you 
  to sanity, but the process will be painful and shaming because you think of a Higher  
  Power as harsh and punishing

SCRIPTURES

“Remember that in the past you were without Christ. You were not citizens of Israel,  
and you had no part in the agreements with the promise that God made to His people.  
You had no hope, and you did not know God. But now in Christ Jesus, you who were
far away from God are brought near through the blood of Christ’s death,” Ephesians 2:12-13.

“But this precious treasure – the Light and Power that now shine within us – is held in
a perishable container, that is, in our weak bodies. Everyone can see the glorious power  
within must be from God and is not our own. We are pressed on every side by 
troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why 
things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit,” 2 Corinthians 4:7-8.

“And this is the secret: that Christ in your heart is your only hope of glory,” Colossians 1:27.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person  
with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from your own  
experience how His ways will really satisfy you,” Romans 12:2.

“He will not break the bruised reed, nor quench the dimly burning flame. He will  
encourage the fainthearted, those tempted to despair. He will see full justice given       
to all who have been wronged,” Isaiah 42:3.

Precious Father, I marvel at the way You love me from immaturity to maturity,
From brokenness to wholeness. You don’t berate me for my blunders
Or belittle me for my weaknesses. You meet me in those places and make me strong.
You bind up my wounds so they can heal. You give rest to my heart so it can
Beat strong again. You are with me. You are God Most High.
Do a miracle in and through me, Lord!
Heal my soul and make me whole. Make me a Kingdom child.
Help me to live a life totally disproportionate to who I am.
May others pursue You when they see what You do through me!
In Jesus’ Name, I pray. Amen. – Susie Larson