Lesson #23 Give (2 of 2) - For God Fore His Glory

STEP TWELVE

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE AS THE RESULT OF THESE STEPS,
WE TRY TO CARRY THIS MESSAGE TO OTHERS, AND
PRACTICE THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS

“Brothers and sister, If someone is caught in a sin, you who
Live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.
But watch, or you to may be tempted.” Galatians 6:1

PRINCIPLE EIGHT

YIELD MYSELF TO GOD TO BE USED TO BRING THIS GOOD NEWS
TO OTHERS, BOTH BY MY EXAMPLE AND BY MY WORDS

“Happy are those who are persecuted because they
Do what God requires,” Matthew 5:10

LESSON TWENTY-THREE
GIVE
PART TWO

This step is a step of physical actions as well as
- Mental
- Emotional
- Spiritual ones
The purpose for journaling
- To help you recognize instances in which you carry the message
- Practice the principles of this program in some part of your life
Such recognition helps you
- BREAK FREE from denial regarding your inner healing and recovery
Carrying the message of codependence involves confronting the disease
in other people by
- Sharing the evidence of the disease in ourselves

You can do this at meetings or support groups by
- Sharing what is going on with you
- Identifying at a deeper level
It can also be done when someone you know brings up issues of codependence
in a conversation
You can point out your personal understanding of how codependence operates
Not as it relates to other people’s reality by trying to make them agree
- They have problems with codependence
- They need help

One of the ongoing ways to help carry the message is to participate in
support groups
Being willing to speak up about what is going on with you
- Even when you are in a position of awareness of your imperfection
  - This is part of carrying the message

PRACTICING THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS
- Practicing these principles in all your affairs means
  - You try to stay aware that you
    - Are a codependent
    - Are struggling with some traits of codependency
      - You are PERFECTLY IMPERFECT
- Codependency is a Chronic Condition
- A person is only in remission from codependence
  - When they are practicing the principles that apply to their
    inner healing and recovery
- To practice these principles in all your affairs
  - You also must stay aware of the preceding steps
  - How they specifically relate to this disease
- Keep following all these steps in your daily living
  - As appropriate
- By applying these steps
  - Your spirituality will develop
- Journal and describe instances when you have carried the message
  - By sharing how codependence operates for you

THIS STEP ENCOURAGES US TO PUT OUR FAITH INTO ACTION

“FAITH by itself, if it is not ACCOMPANIED by ACTION, is DEAD“
James 2:17

ACTIVE FAITH IS IMPORTANT TO GOD

Remember it is not about our works
- They will not save us
  - Jesus does that for those who do the will of God

“Those who believe in His Son, Jesus Christ
Who trust in, cleave to and rely on Him
They shall have eternal life,
Jesus will raise them up (from the dead) at the last day,”
John 6:40 AMP

Through our actions
- We demonstrate the commitment we have to our faith
  - In Jesus Christ
The Lord does not want us to give into unhealthy ways
- Ways that would hurt us or
- Cause us to relapse into our old self-defeating patterns
  of behavior such as:

THE MARTYR
- Martyrs operate primarily on false pride
- They take great pleasure from their capacity to put up with
  - Inconvenience
  - Disappointment
  - Even pain
- Martyrs derive their self-worth from being able to fight the battle
  as much as from winning or losing
- Martyrs deem it more important to be “RIGHT”
  - Than to be EFFECTIVE
- They feel their noble behavior is deserving of others’ respect
  - In fact, their family members and friends do tend to perceive
    them as
    - Tolerant
    - Long-Suffering
    - Generous (sometimes to a fault)
- Behind this impressive front lies some unwelcome truths
- Martyrs feel they live as they do because
  - They have no choice
- The alternatives are too frightening to consider:
  - Leaving and being on their own
  - Confronting the situation and being left on their own
- Martyrs feel empty inside
  - They are usually so busy being martyrs they have little or no
    time to experience that emptiness
    - What it means
THE PERSECUTOR
Harbors much of the rage and bitterness martyrs cannot allow
themselves to feel
Although their own behavior often seems out of control
- They focus on what everyone else is doing wrong
- Rather than dealing with their unhappiness
  - They externalize it and blame it on the actions of others
While martyrs take full responsibility for feeling miserable
- Persecutors take no responsibility for theirs
- The martyr keeps trying to manipulate others by being good; the persecutor
  keeps trying to manipulate others with anger and guilt
- While martyrs push themselves to work harder to feel better
  - Persecutors push others to provide them with security and peace of mind
UNHEALTHY TENDENCIES AND BEHAVIORS
- An action that is overly WILLFUL
- Acts of kindness that are performed out of a sense of obligation
  - Especially if this sense of obligation is a cause for Resentment
- Is the act being done out of choice
  - Or the compulsion to earn someone’s approval
- Behaviors that appear utterly selfless
  - Can signal trouble When a person feels bound to be kind in order
    to keep others happy and avoid the risk of being abandoned
- Pride refers to one’s WILLFULNESS
- Shame refers to feelings about one’s own NEEDS
- Doubt refers to uncertainty about who one is
  - When apart from others
- Vacillating between pride and shame is both confusing and frustrating
  for those around them
  - When a deep concern is placed on how others see them
  - When a great importance is placed on how they appear
  - When a façade has been developed and used to deal
    - With the outside world and
    - With those they are most intimate with
- Because this façade is pleasing to others
  - It must be protected and maintained at all costs
- Eventually they will begin to identify emotionally
  - With the façade
    - Confusion (their own and others) escalates
      - Because the false self “Replaces” the true self
- The false self continues to be shaped by the needs and wishes of others
  - While the true self becomes the origin for unwanted and unmet
    personal needs
    - Consequently, a source of SHAME
- The individual’s experience becomes one of keeping up a front of always
  being in control underneath
  - However, their life is a shambles
- It is important to understand that specific behaviors may be either helpful or
  unhealthy
  - Based on the underlying motivations
    - By evaluating if the motivator is
      - Pride
      - Shame
      - Doubt
    - We can gain insight into the personal meaning of any action
- When a child grows up around parents who have no concept of the
  proper boundaries between individuals
  - They continue to perceive identity as something that is shared
- Independence is to be avoided, since it leads to feelings of
  - Abandonment
  - Betrayal
    - Difficult burdens for any child to bear
Some of us have struggled with the presence of PTSD
- Individuals struggling with PTSD fear they cannot allow themselves to
  become aware of their emotions
  - Without running the risk of being overwhelmed
- The initial goal of inner healing and recovery
  - To help a person move more freely into their feelings
    - With the ASSURANCE
  - They can find distance from them again
    - If they begin to be overwhelmed

During this Step we learn what it means to truly GIVE:

G – GOD FIRST

I – BECOMES WE

V – VICTORIES SHARED

E – EXAMPLE OF YOUR ACTIONS

GOD FIRST
- With God first you begin to realize that everything you have is
  a gift from Him
- You realize that your inner healing and recovery is not dependent
  or based on material things
  - It is built upon your faith
  - Your desire to follow Jesus’ direction
- We are never more like God
  - Than when we give
    - Not just money or things
    - Our very selves
- This is what Jesus did for us
  - He gave us the greatest gift of all
    - Himself
- Matthew 10:8 sums it up nicely

“FREELY YOU HAVE RECEIVED, FREELY GIVE”

“God did not even keep His own Son, but offered Him for us ALL!
He gave us His Son – will He not also freely give us ALL things.”
Romans 8:32

I BECOMES WE
- The road to inner healing and recovery is not meant to be
  - Traveled alone
- This is not a program to be worked alone
- Jesus said:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul
And with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the
Aecond is like it: ‘Love your neighbor (others) as yourself.’”

VICTORIES SHARED
- God never
  - Never ever wastes a hurt
- He will take our hurts and use them to help others
- This step encourages us to take the opportunities that arise to share
  - Our experiences
  - Victories and
  - Hopes with another
- God calls us according to His plans, and when we answer God’s call
  - We stand as an example that He works all things for good according
    to His purpose

While working this step, we begin to understand:

“All that happens to us is working for our good,
If we love God, and are fitting into His plans”
Romans 8:28

You too may decide to continue doing the work of inner healing and recovery
- Which is not really work at all
  - It’s service
    - A service of JOY
2 Corinthians 1:3 encourages us to:

“Give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ,
The merciful Father, the God from Whom all help comes!
He helps us in all our troubles, so we are able to help others
Who have all kinds of troubles, using the same help
We ourselves have received from Him.”

EXAMPLE OF YOUR ACTION
- Your actions speak louder than your words
- Good intentions die
  - Unless they are executed
- James 1:22 exhorts us to be
  - “Doers of the Word”
- In order to be of help to another
  - We are to “Bring the Good News to others”
- WORKS – ACTIONS
  - NOT WORDS
    - Are proof of your love for God and another person

FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS LIKE A CAR WITHOUT GASOLINE

“My children, love must not be a matter of words or talk;
It must be genuine, and show itself in action”
1 John 3:18

Giving and serving is like a thermometer
- That gauge your love
A person can give without loving
A person can give with the concepts and beliefs about love
- Which serve only as a basis for codependent relationships
A person can give
- Out of obligation
- Self-Promotion
A person can give without loving
- They can’t LOVE, without GIVING
Jesus answered them:

“IT IS NOT THE HEALTHY WHO NEED A DOCTOR, BUT THE SICK.
I HAVE NOT COME TO CALL THE RIGHTEOUS, BUT SINNERS TO REPENTANCE!”
Luke 5:31-32

“We have not stopped praying for you, and asking God to fill you with
Knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.
We pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord,
And may please Him in every way:
Bearing fruit in every good work,
Growing in the knowledge of God,
Being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might,
So you may have great endurance and patience,
Joyfully giving thanks to the Father, Who has qualified you to share
In the inheritance of the saints in the Kingdom of Light. He has rescued us
From the dominion of darkness and brought us into the Kingdom of the Son He loves,
In Whom we have redemption, the Forgiveness of sins,”
Colossians 1:9-14