Lesson #22 Gratitude (2 of 2) - For God Fore His Glory

STEP ELEVEN

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
WE SOUGHT THROUGH PRAYER AND MEDITATION TO IMPROVE
OUR CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH GOD, PRAYING ONLY
FOR KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WIILL AND POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT

“Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly,” Colossians 3:16

PRINCIPLE SEVEN

RESERVE A DAILY TIME WITH GOD FOR SELF-EXAMINATION,
BIBLE READING, AND PRAYER IN ORDER TO KNOW GOD AND HIS WILL
FOR MY LIFE AND TO GAIN THE POWER TO FOLLOW HIS WILL.

“Happy are the peacemakers,” Matthew 5:9

LESSON TWENTY-TWO
GRATITUDE
PART TW0

Working this step means we need to relax
- Open our conscious and subconscious minds to God
While working this step, we discover
- Prayer and meditation are powerful healing and recovery
  behaviors that work
  - We need to be patient
    - The answer is coming

We discover prayer is how we become transformed
- Meditation is how we become renewed
  - They are beneficial to our well-being
  - They help us stay on track
We acknowledge
- Worrying
- Fretting
- Being envious
- Angry
  - Is NEEDLESS
    - Praying for God’s will
    - Praying to be empowered to carry that out
      - SIMPLIFIES our lives
If we are meant to do something
- We will be given the power and ability to do it
IF IT IS NOT OURS TO DO
- WE DON’T HAVE TO DO IT
We realize we can trust God
- Be empowered to do that which
  - We need to do
    - We shall receive the
      - Insights
      - Help
      - Ability
      - Growth
      - Guidance
        WHEN IT IS TIME
If we can’t do it yet
- It is not time
  - We can quietly go about the course of our life
We discover asking for knowledge of God’s will for us and
the power to carry it out
- Is a prayer that will ALWAYS be answered
  - “YES”
We receive assurance
- There is a path for our lives
A path that means
- Waiting
- Giving
- Feeling
- Healing
- Receiving
- Saying yes
- Saying no
Something is always happening
Something good is being worked out
- In and around us
Something important
- WE ARE LEARNING OUR LESSONS

Working these steps helps us
- Acknowledge
- Believe
- Trust
  - God has not gone away
    - Even on those darkest, hardest days
      - When we feel everything but
        Connected to Him

We continue to be reminded
- We don’t have to punish ourselves when times are hard
  - There will certainly be hard times during our journey of inner
    healing and recovery
We acknowledge, we don’t have to punish ourselves for our
- Feelings
- Doubts
- Concerns
- Mistakes
  - We don’t have to punish God
We realize the need to
- Relax
- Go through each day
  - Even when there are days that bring
    - Hurt
    - Upset
  - When we’re not certain where it’s leading us
We must encourage ourselves, and remember
- The hard times will NOT last forever
The confusion will NOT last forever
- Clarity will come
- The answer will come
- The darkness of our soul will leave
  - Daylight will come
We will most likely discover
- The hardest part of our prayers and meditation is
  dealing with our
  - Impatience
    - Especially if we want change NOW
We learn to
- Lean on God
- Trust Him
- Keep our faith in Him and His will
We pray
- We talk to God
  - We let go and let go some more
The answer will come
- When we let go of our fear
We learn to trust these behaviors of prayer and meditation
- Even when life is as chaotic when we are finished
  - As when we began
We learn to keep practicing these behaviors of prayer
and meditation
- Thinking nothing is happening
  - THAT’S AN ILLUSION
    - SOMETHING IS HAPPENING
We are developing spiritual muscles of
- Faith
- Trust
- Belief in God

This is the GO-WITH-THE-FLOW-OF-EACH-DAY Step
- Even when we have to overcome
  - Obstacles
  - Face challenges
- Though we have to put up a fight for what we want
  - We will be EMPOWERED
  - We will be given the help we need to
    - Break through those barriers

While working this step, we discover by talking and listening
to God we can
- Relax
- Let go
- Allow life to happen

We discover by asking for knowledge of God’s will for us and the
power to carry it out we can trust
- What is happening
- What has happened before
- What will happen tomorrow
We can trust our part in God’s plan and will
We discover and accept we are safe now
We are cared for
We are protected
We are free now to live our lives and respect ourselves

This Step gives us permission
- To let go of our need to control
- Our efforts to control others and our lives
This Step helps us understand we can do our part by:
- Setting goals
- Using affirmations
- Practicing our basic healing and recovery behaviors
We can do our part by
- Praying
- Meditating
We can let go
- Allow ourselves to be guided into
  - Truth
  - Health
  - Healing
  - Happiness
  - Joy
  - Freedom
  - Love

This step helps us understand
- We can trust what is happening
  - Even when it doesn’t
    - Look like we can
    - Feel like we can
This step helps us understand
- ALL our days count
  - We need to FEEL our feelings
- Respect and nurture ourselves as many times as we
  need to throughout our days
- Say thank you to everything
  - There is wisdom and knowledge to be gained
    - In our LIFE Lessons
- Ask for what we need and want
  - End the process with telling God
    - Your will be done
      - Trust what happens

This step will help us navigate
- Through the best and worst of times
- Through difficult and pleasant feelings
If we work these steps
- Admitting and accepting our powerlessness
- Turning our will and lives over to God for house cleaning
  - We will co-labor with Him to be a clean vessel
    - WILLING
    - TEACHABLE
      - One that is easily GUIDED
While working these steps we learn to listen
- Listen to God
- Listen to ourselves
  - Trust what we hear

We may have to let go of many false beliefs
- Like following God’s will for us means following a rigid
  - Set of rules
  - Instructions
  - Prohibitions
  - We need to be perfect
We realize there may be times we find ourselves
- Making mistakes
- Doing foolish things
- Thinking we are doing God’s will
  - That’s OKAY
We keep moving forward in this direction anyway
- Let it go
- Keep listening
- Trusting God and ourselves

Working this step will keep us become
- Centered
- Grounded
- Balanced

We learn to
- Be still
- Be quiet
- Ask for guidance
  - Then allow ourselves to move forward with
    - CONFIDENCE
- What do I need to do to take care of myself
  - Listen
  - Trust the answer
We learn
- When confused or in doubt
  - We stop and ask

This step tells us we have a path
- NO ONE can interfere with it
We don’t have to hold on so TIGHTLY
Others do not hold the key to our happiness
- Nor do they hold the key to our lives
This step tells us that no one, NOT ONE PERSON, can stop
or interfere
- With the good
- The love that is coming to us
  - Others do not hold that in their hands
    - This is between us and God

We can accept God’s unconditional love for us
- We can choose to love UNCONDITIONALLY
We are free and empowered to do what it is we need to do
to take care of ourselves with
- Faith
- Confidence
Nurturing, self-care behaviors will move us forward on our
journey

This is the step where we say
- “SHOW ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO THAN HELP ME DO IT”
This is the step where we
- Talk to God
- Let God talk to us
We ask God to help us take responsibility for ourselves
We believe we are in good hands now
This step tells us
- The moment we open ourselves to spiritual consciousness
  - We have started a positive chain of events
    - That will benefit us
    - Our lives
    - Our relationships

When our conscious contact with God improves
- Our connection with ourselves and others will also
Pray and meditate
Don’t criticize yourself for not doing it well enough
Let go of your fears about whether or not God hears and cares
GOD IS THERE
When we don’t know what to do next
- GOD DOES
Each day we are exactly
- Where we need to be
- Where we are meant to be
Trust God
- He will never, never ask us to do anything that He
  will not equip and supply us to do
If we are to do something
- God will EMPOWER us
We never have to do more than we CAN
We never have to do anything we CAN’T
We never have to do anything before it’s TIME
- When it’s time
- We will do it

Remember, many of us have maintained an excessive reliance on DENIAL:
- A selective inattention to internal and external realities
- Denial lies largely outside the direct control of a person’s conscious
  awareness
- Denial results from a deep UNWILLINGNESS to experience feelings that
  would ensue
  - If those forbidden realities were ACKNOWLEDGED
- An unwillingness so deep the mind blocks any awareness
  - That would lead to dangerous emotions
- Denial may be seen as an IMPAIRED strategy for
  - Achieving security in the face of a threat
- Narrowing one’s awareness can create
  - The appearance of safety
- Frequently we see the breakdown of our denial system as a sign of our
  own personal inadequacy
  - Much as chemical dependents view their growing lack of control
    over their using as a sign of personal weakness
    - Each typically attempts to regain control through renewed
      applications of willpower
  - Denial is rarely
    - Acknowledged
    - Relinquished
      - Until the pain and emptiness of our ever narrower and more
        isolated life becomes too much to bear

Many of us suffer from a CONSTRICTION of emotions
Some of us may even view emotions as
- Enemies
- Weapons
The emotions worked at hardest to restrict are those normally
considered too
- Immature
- Dangerous
- Uncomfortable
- Just plain bad:
  - Anger
  - Fear
  - Sadness
  - Rage
  - Embarrassment
  - Bitterness
  - Loneliness
It is impossible to put a lid on such “Negative” feelings without also
IMPEDING the expression of more positive ones
- Such as happiness
This effort to control one’s feelings is precisely the behavior targeted
by the second half of the First Step
- “We admitted…that our lives had become unmanageable

Many of us have been deeply dedicated to “Managing” our lives
- A dedication that stems from the same
  - Pride
  - Self-Confidence
  - Arrogance
- That leads humans to feel they can improve on nature by
  - Exterminating dangerous beasts
  - Throwing poison on fields to eliminate “Bad” insects
In a desperate attempt to survive
- In other words, not to feel
  - Some people have chosen to
    - “Close Down”
    - “Shut Down”
    - “Phase Out”
This results in a quality of being more present in body
- Than in mind
Numbness gives the illusion of
- Safety
- Control

Some of us may also exhibit symptoms which
- Appear to directly contradict the constriction of feelings:
  - The dramatic outburst
  - The compulsive display of feelings
When unexpected feelings have built up over time
- The most minor incident can trigger an explosion
  - Causing that individual to feel “Crazy” and “Bad”
The essence of codependence is to minimize the anxiety and
ambiguity of allowing feelings to run their natural course by
- Damming them up
- Expelling them as quickly as possible

Many of us have suffered from:
- Depression
- Anger turned inward
- Unresolved grief
- The chronic restraint of feelings
- Being identified more with one’s false self than one’s true self
Many of us have plenty of reason to be depressed
We view our depression as evidence of
- Inadequacy
- The failure to stay in control
  - For this reason we usually deny its presence
To acknowledge depression is to acknowledge loss
- Which challenges the family’s shared denial
  - Focusing attention on one’s own feelings

We may often cite the pressures of
- Children
- Work
- Home life
  - As justification for not indulging in our personal feelings
Admitting that one is depressed means
- Admitting that one has needs
Codependents by definition, always place the needs of others above
their own in importance
Many of us are coping with Hyper-Vigilance
Our environments have been
- Unpredictable
- Basically incomprehensible
- Highly stressful
The only way some of us survived was by being ultra-sensitive to the
subtle shift of the behaviors and moods of others
Such hyper-vigilance is a recognized symptom of PTSD
- Which is most typically seen in combat veterans

Unfortunately, there is seldom an “Off” switch
Once a person starts scanning the environment for signs of impending
disaster
- A state of free-floating anxiety can be established
Hyper-vigilance is also a natural byproduct of investing one’s self-esteem in
- Another person’s behavior

For many of us to feel good about ourselves
- We must first attend to everyone else’s happiness
The merest hint of dissatisfaction in another signals
- One’s own behavior needs to be modified
Hypervigilance requires great expenditures of energy

When the strain becomes too much to bear, that individual may suddenly feel
- Overwhelmed
- Demoralized
If an individual is overly reliant on the opinions and feelings of others for their own
self-esteem, and is always watching for the slightest change in facial expressions
or tones of voice
- They will be in a constant state of TENSION

Many of us struggle with compulsions
Compulsivity is a primary DEFENSE PROCESS
The internal dynamic
- A struggle between two poles
  - One “Inside”
  - One “Outside”
The person’s identity is connected to resisting the impulse
- While the impulse itself is experienced as an alien force
The resulting high drama distracts the person from unwanted feelings
- Which usually have little or nothing to do with whatever compulsion
  is currently occupying center stage

Codependents can only remain active in their disease by
- Disregarding the pain that it brings
The compulsion may be to
- Eat
- Work
- Be religious
- Gamble
- Watch TV
- Read
- Seek sex….
Many can describe in detail the subjective experience of sliding gradually
- Into the whirlpool of their compulsivity
There is a surge of adrenaline
An intense buildup of emotions specific to the compulsion occurs
- “I’ve got to stop eating”
  - While more threatening emotions are eclipsed
    - “I feel empty in this marriage”
A feeling of inevitability takes over

Eventually they stop resisting the compulsion
- This is followed by a temporary sense of relief
In most cases, the emotions that are being avoided
- Are unavailable for the duration of the compulsion
In order for the emotions
- To surface
- Be identified
- Be experienced
  - One must abstain from the compulsion
To heal and recover
- They must choose abstinence

Many of us are struggling with anxiety
When a person’s self-worth must continually be validated by someone else
- There is an ever-present risk that their identity will be thrown into limbo,
  should the relationship come to an end
Codependents are by nature
- Chameleons
They become whatever their partners want and need them to be
Mirroring the actions and emotions of others means
- Abandoning one’s true self in favor of a façade
  - A false self is adopted
    - This false self must shift
    - Change according to the needs of others

Gradually, the true self becomes less and less substantial
- Until the anxiety that is being felt becomes anxiety
  - About their very existence

Some of us have struggled with substance abuse
Denial is necessary to avoid being overwhelmed by feelings
- Substance abuse serves as a biochemical “Booster” for
  one’s crumbling denial
Substance abuse is consistent with the personality structure of
the codependent
Codependents exhibit a wide range of compulsions
- The use of alcohol or drugs falls into this category
Once chemical dependence has been broken
- The codependence remains
Codependence left untreated
- Acts as a BARRIER to long-term sobriety

Dear God, help me set aside all the hassles and noise of the world to focus
And listen just to You for the next few minutes. Help me get to know You better.
Help me to better understand Your plan, Your purpose for my life.
Father, help me live within today, seeking Your will, and living this day as You
Would have me – realizing, “Whatever may be Your task, work at it heartily
(From the soul), as (being done) for the Lord and NOT for men;
Knowing (with all certainty) that it is from the Lord (and not from men)
That I will receive the inheritance which is Your (real) reward. (The One Whom)
I am actually serving (working with is) The Lord Christ (our Messiah),
For Your glory, Father.”
Colossians 3:23-24

It is my prayer, Father, to have others see me as Yours;
Not just in my words; but, more importantly, in my actions. Thank you
For Your love, Your grace, Your perfect forgiveness. Thank You
For all those You have placed in my life, for my program, my inner healing
And recovery, and my church family. Your will be done, not mine.
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.