Lesson #2 Powerless (2 of 3) - For God Fore His Glory

STEP ONE

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER OUR ADDICTIONS
AND COMPULSIVE BEHAVIORS AND THAT OUR LIVES
HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE

“For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the
Desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out,” Romans 7:18

PRINCIPLE ONE

REALIZE I’M NOT GOD. I ADMIT THAT I AM POWERLESS TO
CONTROL MY TENDENCY TO DO THE WRONG THING AND
THAT LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE

“Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor,” Matthew 5:3

LESSON TWO
POWERLESS
PART TWO

This is the first step in our journey of renewal (inner healing) and recovery
- However, we can take it again and again as needed:
  - Whenever we believe that things are out of control
    - Our lives are a mistake
  - When we find ourselves taking care of others
    - Wondering if we have a right to take care of ourselves
  - When we start ignoring our feelings
  - When we start
    - Obsessing about others
    - Worrying about our future
    - The future of another
  - When we believe others control our happiness
  - When we neglect ourselves
  - When we get stuck
  - When we don’t know what to do next

Think about this step “We admitted we were powerless over others —
- That our lives had become unmanageable”
  - Let it sink in
  - Let it heal
  - Help
  - Comfort
This step will always bring us knowledge about
- Ourselves
- Reality
- The spiritual lesson in our current circumstances
The first word in this first step is “We”
- Self-acceptance, based on this simple definition of ourselves
  - This feels good
- We are not alone
  - Not anymore
- There are many applying and practicing this step daily
“We” are not unique in
- Our pain
- Our dilemma
Neither are we isolated in our solution
- There is power in the community of those seeking inner healing
  and recovery
- There is Power to be found in taking this step

This step takes us out of that dark place of not taking care of ourselves
with people
- We are afraid to do so
This step will help us remember:
- Who we are
- That we can’t control others
- That we get crazy when we try to control them
- We don’t have control over others
- We don’t have to take care of them
- We don’t have to control life or situations
  - For life to work

During this step we begin accepting
- Our limitations:
  - Recognizing that our life has in some area
    - Become unmanageable
  - When we accept our limitations
    - We can stop attributing this unmanageability to personal
      - Inadequacy
      - Insufficient willpower
      - That, too, is a relief
      - That, too, absolves us of the past
        Giving us hope for the future

As Step One moves us forward along our journey of inner healing and recovery,
it requires
- We acknowledge the distorted relationship we have had to willpower
  - Which has been guiding our lives
Only then can we begin investigating the realistic role willpower can play, and
acknowledge where it can have no effect whatsoever
Like any tool
- WILLPOWER IS ONLY GOOD FOR CERTAIN THINGS

DISTORTED RELATIONSHIP TO WILLPOWER:
- Many of us believe that it is possible to control our lives by
  - Sheer force of will
- It is important to understand the distinction between
  - Willfulness
  - Willingness
- The willful person believes that all manner of things can be controlled if
  one’s willpower is
  - Strong enough
  - Focused enough
- Failure (even failure to control events beyond anyone’s ability to control)
  - Leads to a sense of inadequacy
- The willing person recognizes the value of determination in those areas where
  it is possible to exercise influence or control, while accepting the fact
  - There are some things we simply can’t do anything about

Trying not to be chemically dependent or dependent on any harmful process
- Overeating
- Gambling
- Sex
- Spending money…
  - To make someone else happy by sheer force of will
    - It’s like trying to pound a nail in with a saw
Similarly, willpower is handy for influencing such things as one’s own behavior
- It is totally ineffectual when it comes to influencing
  - Another person’s emotional world
  - One’s intrinsic and genetic susceptibility to addiction
As long as a person remains in the active phase of their disease
- They continue to behave as if all manner of things can be controlled
  through the sheer exercise of will, when reality proves resistant
  - They automatically redouble their efforts

In contrast, this process of inner healing and recovery is heralded by the
willingness to
- Explore what is really under human control
- Seek the willingness to accept
  - Much of the universe lies forever outside our ability
    to influence it by
    - Force-of-will

This step begins our journey of inner healing and recovery
- It helps us to begin feeling instead of running from our emotions
This step helps us to identify how we have neglected ourselves
- We can be kinder to ourselves in any circumstance
This first step sets us in the direction toward removing ourselves as victims of
- Others
- Ourselves
- Life

The first step
- Admitting we are POWERLESS
  - The DETACHMENT Step

This step is about boundaries
- We learn the limits and extent of
  - Ourselves
  - Our abilities
  - Our accountability
  - Our responsibilities
- We learn to identify what we can and cannot do
- We learn to identify when we’re trying to do the impossible
  - Trying to do that which is not our job
This step helps us
- To stop focusing on the impossible
- To focus our attention on what is possible
  - Living our own lives
  - Taking care of ourselves
  - Feeling
  - Responding appropriately to our feelings

“EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE FOR GOD”
Mark 14:36

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with men is possible with God”
Luke 18:27

“Because of the Lord’s great mercy and loving-kindness
We are not consumed!
Because His tender compassions fail not!
They are new every morning!
Great and abundant is His stability and faithfulness!”
Lamentations 3:22-23

This step – admitting we are POWERLESS
- Helps us to care about ourselves and others without feeling the
  overwhelming need to control and manipulate them and their situations
  - To our LIKING

This step often puts us in touch with our feelings – feelings of
- Fear
- Hurt
- Shame
- Grief
This step may feel dark and frightening
- It doesn’t have to because
- It’s purpose is to render us powerless over what we cannot control
  - We can become EMPOWERED
This step helps us to accept whatever loss or area of powerlessness we’re facing
- We become free to feel and deal with our feelings
- We can move forward with life

This step will take the burden of controlling and feeling so responsible for others
off our backs IF
- WE LET IT
If we let it, we can begin to experience the
- Peace
- Relief
- Comfort of this step, which
  - Enables us to detach from fear
  - Detach from the need to control and focus on ourselves
    - TO LET OURSELVES BE
- We can stop
  - Trying so hard
  - Doing so much
    - When doing so much DOESN’T work

This step will help us to be
- Kind to ourselves
- Accept ourselves
  - No matter what our present circumstances
- We can begin to trust the answer will come
  - The solution will come but
    - NOT from trying so hard
In this step we discover the answer will come from detachment
- When we accept we are powerless over others
- Our lives have become unmanageable
  - When we accept for now
    - ALL WE NEED TO BE IS WHO WE ARE
      - THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH

“Let your eyes look right on [with fixed purpose], and let your gaze
Be straight before you. Consider well the path of your feet,
And let all your ways be established and ordered aright.
Turn not aside to the right hand or to the left;
Remove your foot from evil”
Proverbs 4:25-27

This step will help us to become sensitive to feelings of powerlessness and
unmanageability
- Sensitive to what it feels like
This step helps us begin to believe
- It is safe to trust
- It is safe now to detach
We can accept ourselves
- Our problems
- Our current situation
- All our UNMANGEABILITY
We can detach, because holding on so tightly DOESN’T work
- We can relax
- Just learn to be ourselves
We can be
- Kind
- Accept
- Take care of ourselves
This step will help you understand with all your heart that
- YOU CANNOT CONTROL ANOTHER
  - This will bring FREEDOM
    - The gift of DETACHMENT
This step will bring relief
- The ability to begin tending to the affairs of
  - Our own lives
This step gives us permission to be
- Who we are
This is the step is when
- We accept ourselves
- Our powerlessness
- Our present circumstances in
  - Peace
  - Grace
  - Trust
    - ALL IS, AND WILL BE WELL
- We admit God EXISTS and we MATTER to Him

In this step we SURRENDER
- We watch as MANAGEABILITY sets in

This step takes us to
- A safe place
- A comfortable place
  - If we let ourselves go there
We can trade in lives based on
- Fear
- Control
- Shame
- Low self-esteem
  - For lives that are Manageable
With the first step the work, the inner healing begins

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand,
That He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him
Because He cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert your enemy the devil
Prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Resist him!
Stand firm in the faith!
Because you know that your brethren throughout the world
Are undergoing the same kind of trials and sufferings”
1 Peter 5:6-9

The unmanageability in our lives occurs because our controlling and care-taking
behaviors don’t work
- It makes us crazy
- It makes us feel like people and circumstances are driving us crazy
- We can’t see clearly while this is going on
  - Like we’re in a fog
This unmanageability can be
- External
- Internal
- Or both

We become so enmeshed in the lives of other people and their issues,
so focused on them and out of touch with ourselves
- We lose control of the external affairs of our own lives
Our internal affairs
- Our feelings
- Thoughts
- Reactions to others and ourselves
  - Can become unmanageable
- Depression
- Fear
- Anger
- Sadness
- A whirlwind of chaotic thoughts and feelings
  - Can overtake us
Our mind and intellect could become unmanageable, clouded by
- Denial
- Fear
- Our attempts to control others
Our thinking process becomes caught up in a torrent of obsessive and negative
thought patterns that are detrimental to our
- Health
- Well-being
We become neglectful of
- Ourselves
- Our careers
  - Causing our financial affairs to become unmanageable
    - By overspending
    - Or under-spending
    - Depriving ourselves

Our lives can become unmanageable because we deprive ourselves so badly
- Feelings of victimization are ongoing because of our
  - Martyr
  - Self-sacrificial behavior

Unmanageability can occur when we subject ourselves unnecessarily to
- Oher people
  - To their inappropriate
  - Abusive
  - Out-of-control behaviors
Unmanageability will also occur
- We are unable to set the boundaries we need to set

UNMANAGEABILITY could mean our behaviors are out of control
- They may be as crazy as the behaviors of the person we are trying to control
UNMANAGEABILITY could compel us to take care of others
- Which actually diminishes their ability to take responsibility for themselves
  - By being covert caretakers
  - Walking through life feeling responsible for the feelings and needs of others
    - We neglect (which is a form of abuse) our own feelings and needs

UNMANAGEABILITY is created:
- When we can’t say No
- When we don’t or can’t say what we mean
- When we are not in touch with what we want and need
- When we are not living our own best lives

The effects of unmanageability could lead to becoming trapped in unhealthy
relationships
- Because we feel unable to extricate ourselves
We can become isolated, terrified of risking further involvement with people
because we feel so unable to take care of ourselves in relationships
- Because we are so frightened of being disappointed or hurt again

UNMANAGEABILITY:

Could lead to the use of alcohol and drugs and other self-destructive
behaviors in an attempt to stop the pain
- Compulsive behaviors
- Physical illness from stress
- And from not dealing with our emotions
- Suicidal ideation
- Actual attempts of suicide
- Unmangeability can leave us
  - Feeling terminally miserable
  - Enduring life
  - Just getting through
  - Waiting for heavenly rewards
    - Not knowing there is a reward each day in being alive
      - Living our own best lives
- Unmanageability can creep into our search for inner healing and recovery,
  no matter how long we’ve been on this journey:
- Whenever we try to control something we cannot control
- When we allow our fear and panic to control us
- When we allow other’s expectations
  - Demands
  - Agendas
  - Problems
  - Addictions
    - To CONTROL US

UNMANAGEABILITY can occur:
- When we neglect our responsibility to take care of ourselves with loving-
  kindness
- When we exert power where we don’t have any, and continue to do so even
  though what we are doing isn’t working
- When we FORFEIT our own personal power to
  - Think
  - Feel
  - Make choice
  - Live our own best lives
  - Take care of our lives
  - Take care of ourselves

Father, thank You for being with me today.
Today I am going to place my hope in You alone.
I am learning to trust You, Father, in all things because You are sovereign.
You have control of all things. And even though I don’t understand
All that is happening in this dark and dreary world,
I believe You exist and that I matter to You!
I acknowledge my powerlessness and how necessary it is
For me to learn to trust in You alone, and You are so very worthy of my trust.
In Jesus name I pray! Amen.