Lesson #14 Ready (1 of 3)

I would like to welcome you to For God, Fore His Glory, and invite you to join me on the road to Emmaus. Of course, this is a spiritual journey but one uniquely designed with you in mind. It doesn’t matter what road you are walking the Lord will accompany you. Information has been made available for you to read and determine what is of interest and applies to you. This information is not meant to overwhelm; quite the opposite, it is meant to enlighten and empower as it has done for me. 

My purpose for sharing has a threefold intent: (1) That God’s love would radically impact lives, (2) That eyes and ears, hearts and hands would open so ALL that God desires to personally bestow would be received, and (3) That knowing God and His Word and His loving-kindness would result in negativity just naturally losing ground/control in our lives because strongholds would be broken by the resurrection power of the Spirit of the Lord.

It makes no difference who you are, what your personal beliefs or where you call home we are all functioning in some fashion in the error deception causes. And of course, if we knew we’ve been deceived then it wouldn’t be deception. With this in mind, there is no way we could possess the “IN-TO-ME-SEE” knowledge that only the Spirit of Truth can reveal about ourselves and God and our human condition. There are so many things to learn like feelings and beliefs are not facts. Please don’t let offense sway you, for what is generated by offense: Discomfort, upset, anger, insult, sin, shame, disapproval…rises from deep within us and works against us. 

My heart’s desire is to share knowledge of God and His Word, Christ Jesus, so you too can find rest for your soul. Our  thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behaviors and beliefs have been affected by negativity – Fear, pride, anger, rejection, rebellion, bitterness…the list is long and can prove debilitating. 

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Revelation 12:11 says, “We overcome the forces of evil by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony.” Now a testimony can offer encouragement and hope, but it cannot provide what’s absolutely essential a profound personal impact. Nor can a personal impact bring about lasting change, for that can only be accredited to a miraculous metamorphosis: Spiritual Transformation. For the Lord has surely said: 

“Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit.”
Zechariah 4:7

If anger, fear, unforgiveness, resentment…are present, then true compassion, kindness, respect…for self and others will in some measure be lacking. This life-changing transformation is not about plastic surgery or weight loss. Outward appearance is what people look at, but God sees the appearance of our heart (1 Samuel 16:7). 

We possess a very special knack for making what is wrong seem right. Not before, not during but afterwards, when the heat of onus (reproach, admonishment) occurs, the heart responds though the flushing of shame and guilt and embarrassment may not. How the heart manipulates thought and feeling to do what it desires. But, what can’t be manipulated; instead, only obscured by denying, rationalizing, justifying, comparisons…the crimson stains sin places on our soul. 

A life-changing transformation is accomplished when God and His Word and Holy Spirit recreate (restore, renew, revive) our spiritual being! Their work won’t be seen or felt it will become evident when we’re thinking, behaving, believing somewhat differently.

FINE – Favorable, Illuminating, Noteworthy, Effectual

Adjustments are made, for God imparts spiritual gifts – Faith, truth, wisdom, knowledge, prophecy, healing, counsel, fear of the Lord, joy, peace, discernment of spirits….Gifts that change us from the inside out so we can: Arise and shine when heaven’s Light comes and the glory of the Lord rises upon us (Isaiah 60:1).

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How can what injures so personally be overcome if a different perspective cannot be viewed? Paul explains this better than I can: I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. I have discovered this principle of life – That when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong (Romans 7:15,19,21). Now there are so many who have been abused unjustly, and I’m sorry. You did nothing to do deserve such mistreatment.

But, there are answers. There is hope. What has holistic harmful effects – Anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, hatred…from the bondage of such powerful forces we can be released. Psalm 146:3-5 says: Blessed are those who seek God’s help, whose hope and trust is in the Lord their God. Why? No mortal man can save, when their spirit departs, they return to the ground. On that very day their plans come to nothing. But a child of God will overcome them, because the One Who is in them, Holy Spirit, is greater than the one who is in the world (1 John 4:4).

God’s plan, His purpose spans throughout time and eternity! There is much to discuss with this being the motivator – Knowledge is power. A power we need because there is much that comes against us. And though you may not be very familiar with the Lord, Jesus Christ, God’s Word will strengthen you (Isaiah 45:5-7). So you too can hear Him say, “Friend, move up to a better place,” (Luke 14:10). So you too can be among those who come to know Him with a deep, instinctive, personal affection as for a close friend (John 21:17 Amp).

Truly, we could all use such a Friend who is faithful, and works to strengthen and protect us not only from the evil one so we won’t be outwitted, but also as I have learned despite ourselves, for we’re unaware of the devil’s schemes (2 Corinthians 2:11). Jesus is a friend we can have confidence in. Acts 10:38 tells us Jesus of Nazareth went around doing good and healing ALL who were under the power of the devil because God was with Him. God anointed Jesus with the power of Holy Spirit. He offered the kindness of a friend to everyone.

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God has given us His Word, and Jesus has revealed His Father’s great compassion for mankind. The problem, which is made quite apparent just by turning on the news, knowledge of Gods’ loving-kindness may be lacking for all sorts of reasons: but, what’s absent is personal experience, and this is what this journey offers.

How can we come to know the One Who directs our heart into God’s love and His perseverance (2 Thessalonians 3:3)? How would we come to believe it is the hand of God that sustains us (Psalm 89:21)? How can we pass through those gates to walk the Way God has prepared and chosen for the people (Isaiah 62:10) without knowing the thoughts and feelings the Word of Truth, Christ Jesus, shares?

If you invest in this precious commodity God has given us – Time, then most definitely interest will grow! Come along! Embark on a personal journey on the road to Emmaus, which means a warm spring and mule. Luke 24:13 tells of two men who had left Jerusalem, which includes this meaning: To flow as water, to point out, to teach, which was about seven miles from their destination – Emmaus. 

Along the way they were discussing everything that had happened that day. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus Himself came up and walked with them; but they were kept from recognizing Him. When asked what they were discussing, they stood still, their faces downcast and said: “Do you not know the things that have happened these days in Jerusalem?”

“About Jesus of Nazareth, He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. He was crucified. We had hoped He was the One Who was going to redeem Israel. In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning, but didn’t find His body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said Jesus was alive. Some of our companions went to the tomb, and found it was just as the women had said, they did not see Him.”

The Man walking with them said, “How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter His glory?” Then, beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, He explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning Himself. 

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They strongly urged the stranger to stay with them for the day was almost over, so He went in to stay with them. The Man sat with them at the table, took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them, when their eyes were opened and they recognized Jesus, Who disappeared from their sight. They asked each other: “Were not our hearts burning within us while He talked to us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” They got up and returned to Jerusalem to find the eleven and those with them saying: “It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon?”

While they were still talking about this, Jesus Himself stood among them and said:

“Peace be with you!”

This is what God wants us to have peace of mind and heart, which His Word freely bestows. Jesus appeared to the one who denied Him not once but three times – Peter. How many times have we behaved in ways that have caused us to feel ashamed? All that is said about this time Jesus spent with Peter is exactly what those men said: It is true the Lord has appeared to Simon. Why? We each need His personal attention. We desperately need His individual and compassionate care. Anger, denial, rejection in words cannot prevent Jesus from coming to us. It’s a heart filled with anger and deception and wantonness that places distance between the Lord and ourselves.

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Jesus may be a complete stranger to you, or He may be as those two men thought a Prophet, but it wasn’t until they became familiar with God’s Word that Truth was able to emerge and Christ, the Anointed One, was truly recognized. 

Time flows like a spring of water, but a mule can’t be led to drink. And, like sands through an hourglass, so are the days of our lives. We can’t change the past or what tomorrow will bring, but we don’t have to be stuck or stymied by stubbornness or rejection or fear. 

Jesus invites us to walk with Him in miraculous realms. This may stir your spirit, but there is much about us that robs us of experiencing its reality. Quite possibly there’s a mountain of obstacles that must be moved, but God is the only one who can help us overcome our ordinary life perspectives so extraordinary accomplishments can be realized and achieved. 

Only God can accomplish what is impossible for us, and this is the mission He sets us on – Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery, and there is so much to discover. For God has designed a process that promises transformation will just naturally occur: 

ASK      SEEK      KNOCK

For this is God’s promise, ask it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; those who seek shall find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened (Matthew 7:7-8).

Know, there are multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision (Joel 3:14) so I ask what is your decision? Are you willing to seek a friendship with Jesus? In Isaiah 26:7 the Message Bibe identified the Lord as the Leveler, Who stops us at the crossroads so we can look around
(Jeremiah 6:16), and give thought. Consider well your decision, to develop a friendship with the One Whose righteousness levels and evens a path in this fallen world with Truth and Grace so we can linger, for it is sign-posted with His decisions (Isaiah 26:7 The Message).

Praise God! The Lord desires to show you a more excellent way!
 1 Corinthians 12:31

God’s Word reveals the One, Who offers Peace instead of confusion; Truth instead of our patterns of denial; Understanding instead of ignorance; Wisdom instead of foolishness; Righteousness instead of error; the Way to an abundant Life. Where fear is overcome by Love, for God is love! And His desire is to fill us with His Word so we not only come to know, but receive all the benefits that result from knowing the only One Who is Good (Matthew 19:17). For we are surely very familiar with the drawbacks and disadvantages of knowing evil!

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The information I share has not been gained by just reading books, though the knowledge I received from them was essential. I also share what is based on experience. A lifetime of experiences has been woven together by the only One who could accomplish such a miraculous life-changing feat – Supplanting (usurping, displacing, cutting out) fear with Love and Power and the Soundness of Mind that God’s Word of Truth bestows. 

Our will, our words, our emotions are powerful for how we think and feel generates action. However, what cannot be disputed there are only ever two choices: Good or Evil, Life or Death, Peace or Discord, Right or Wrong…and two wrongs will never make things right. And, unfortunately our heart and the ways of this world keep us bound to self-interest, and many lessons are being learned the hard way. 

If there was interest in the image God created us to be, then it would be possible for the likeness of the Lord to be seen. For then, we’d better understand how our prideful nature really does set us up for failure. For the first Adam became for us a living soul; however, the second Adam, Christ Jesus, became for us a Life-Giving Spirit (1 Corinthians 15:45).

So much interest has been invested in the standards of this world, and as a result, moral and ethical, social and work-related decorum (civility, correctness) is not only being trampled, the techniques-of-deceptions are readily being used. Yes, the white-washing of denial: Rationalizing, justifying, minimizing, accusing, blaming, excusing… is being applied in attempts to cover wrong-doing. Prayer was removed from schools and metal detectors are being installed. What is being gained? What is being lost? What really matters? 

OUR SPIRITUAL LIVES MATTER!

Every person born on earth is automatically enrolled in the world’s school of hard knocks. However, a choice must be made to enroll in Holy Spirit’s Academy “Transformational Life.” Jesus shows Love and saves – Not by bow, sword or battle by horses and soldiers, but by the Lord God (Hos. 1:7), by the power and authority of God’s Word. He brings us victory over any enemy (anger, addiction, fear, shame, guilt, hatred, offense, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness…)! He will put these adversaries of ours to shame (Psalm 44:6). 

Along with Knowledge, Understanding and Insight, Holy Spirit gives us everything we may need to overcome and rise above those things that come against us. No matter our circumstances and whatever our differences God’s Word will always help us. 

A banner has been set up for those who fear and worshipfully revere God; a standard displayed because of the Truth (Psalm 60:4). Twenty-five lessons are being offered that to date have evolved from a 30-year process of growing and gaining knowledge of God’s Word of Truth, Christ Jesus. During those early years, my mouth was filled with empty talk since insight and discernment were simply not a concern. Too much time was devoted to earning approval, seeking acceptance and validation in order to feel valued, in order to feel loved.

Countless attempts were made to protect and defend against all the regrets, disappointments and failures of my yesterdays, while at the same time being hindered, even impeded by the fear I projected into my tomorrows. Working to earn the love and respect of others; however, going about it with character deficits and learned behaviors that caused people to be put off. Unable to recognize the Truth of our human condition, so surely not realizing how flawed my efforts and how unrealistic my expectations. 

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I was being frightened and made off-balanced by my own doings: Critical, disrespectful, judgmental and self-righteous opinions and attitudes that absolutely affected, while also infecting my soul, my spirit, my way of thinking with diseases such as codependency, people-pleasing, the confusion and fear and deep-rooted anger that emotional traumas generate. 

So much fear and confusion amassed since childhood wanting to please and be accepted, to be valued and loved. Trying to cope; yet, deluged over and over by the uncertainties of life. How difficult to remain even-keeled when feelings specific to self-interest are unpredictable and fragile, and so easily injured by the teeter-tottering of emotion. 

I was made aware of God’s process for transformation while going through the upset and emotional trauma adversity causes. I would not wish such adversity on anyone, but I have personally experienced, like so many of us have, the turmoil and pain that stubbornness and trusting my ways were actually better causes. 

Hurting people hurt people intentionally and not so intentionally, we still get hurt. There’s an insanity involved in all of this when we’re doing the same things over and over yet expecting, hoping, praying for a different result. God can’t snap His fingers so our learned behaviors could be removed. The result would be like suffering a form of amnesia, with this essential component unrecognizable: What we really, truly believe. But God, He is very aware of the purpose and potential He has placed in us, and He is very willing to birth new Life within us!

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If your interest has been peaked, I pray you consider taking part in these lessons and receive whatever God is waiting to impart. Each lesson has the title given to it by Pastor John Baker, so steps can be taken, twelve, that will take us further than we could have hoped or imagined. Like Jacob who wrestled with the Angel of the Lord, and afterwards received the new name Israel, which represents his change of character; we too can experience miraculous changes when the strength and power of God’s Word is known.

Yes! These steps have been established so we can walk into realms of understanding with Holy Spirit as our Guide, as we set off on this journey of Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery. There are principles Pastor Rick Warren established, eight in all, that will provide support and protection, as spiritual guardrails, during this process of our becoming more God-dependent rather than codependent. For then, we can truly experience what it means to celebrate Renewal, to Celebrate Recovery, to celebrate friendship with God, Who seats us in heavenly realms (Ephesians 2:6) and does immeasurably more for us than what we could ever think or ask (Ephesians 3:20). 

The first key is to maintain an honest view of the spiritual reality God wants us to know. Begin by not only considering circumstances and events as substantial, but by becoming aware of the substance of Truth – the Life, the Alpha and Omega, the heart and spirit as we work on taking steps of faith remembering, proclaiming:

God exists and I matter to Him
That God could and would if He were sought

Admitting I am powerless
If God is your co-pilot, switch seats

Acknowledging in certain areas my life became unmanageable
Sorrow shared is halved; Joy shared is doubled

Believing God will restore me with Love, a Sound Mind and Power
Success means getting your BUT out of the way

Believing God will help me stay committed to this decision to put all of who I am
Into His possession and safekeeping
There is no magic in this process of renewal and recovery only miracles

Believing the Word of God will encourage, support and strengthen me as I make
A searching and fearless moral inventory of myself
There is pain in this process. Misery is optional

Because of God’s loving-kindness I have become willing to admit to God,
To myself and another person the exact nature of my wrongs
The road to resentment is paved with expectation

With Truth as my solid foundation I have become entirely ready to have God remove
All my defects of character
Courage is faith that has said its prayers

Having received faith and hope and love for the Surety God has given
I humbly ask Him to remove my shortcomings
F.A.I.T.H. = Fantastic Adventure In Trusting Him

Having gained knowledge and insight and understanding I have become willing
To make a list of anyone I have harmed, and to make an amends to them all
Just for today I will try to live through this day only,
And not tackle my whole life problems at once

Having gained confidence and trust in God’s refuge I have become willing to step out
With the mindset I am doing this with God and for His glory to make my amends
Whenever possible unless to do so would cause injury to others
Remembering nothing is going to happen today that you and God can’t handle

I embrace my covenant relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit by continuing
To take a personal moral inventory, and when I am wrong being prompt to admit it
We are not human beings having spiritual experiences;
We are spiritual beings having human experiences

I invest in my relationship with God by communicating through prayer and meditation
To improve my conscious contact with Him seeking knowledge of His will
And the power of grace to carry that out
If God seems far away, who moved?

I seek Revival, Restoration and Reconciliation, a spiritual awakening, as a result of taking 
 Steps to carry God’s message to others and to practice these principles in all my affairs – 
 Worry is a conversation you have with yourself about things you cannot change.
Prayer is conversation with God about things He can change!

Within each lesson information from the following sources has been included:

1. Co-Dependent No More                                         Melody Beatty
2. Beyond Co-Dependency                                        Melody Beatty
3. Codependents Guide to the Twelve Steps             Melody Beatty 
4. The Trauma Zone                                                   R. Dandridge Collins, PH.D  
5. Breaking Free                                                         Pia Mellody & Andrea W. Miller
6. Celebrate Recovery Leader’s Guide                      John Baker

Denial is the first of 25 lessons incorporated into our journey of Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery, an undertaking that will make you ride high and soar above what disillusions and shames. You’ll be free to enjoy God (Isaiah 58:14 Message)! Honoring the Lord in what we do, not following our own desires and pleasures, not talking idly. Then the Lord will be our delight! He will see to it we each receive our full share of blessings as God’s will is being done to Refresh, Replenish and Revive – a spiritual Rebirth – as His purpose is given definition: Rebirth. The English Language Learners helps us to better understand:

1. The act or process of becoming healthy after an illness or injury; the act or process of 
   recovering                                       INNER HEALING

2. The act or process of returning to a normal state after a period of difficulty

                                                             DELIVERANCE

3. The return of something that has been lost, stolen, etc. 

                                                               SALVATION

• Denial has been defined as:
  • A false system of beliefs that are not based on reality   
  • And a self-protecting behavior that keeps us from honestly facing the Truth

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The Psalms have been my prayers, and I asked: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting,” Psalm 139:23-2. For surely Lord, “You desire truth in the inner parts; therefore, teach me Your wisdom in the inmost place,” Psalm 51:6. 

The Lord answered and sent me on this journey of inner healing and recovery, and it’s my pleasure to share the discoveries I have made with you. Within each section the amassed information emanates its own distinct findings and encouragement; however, when worked and melded together, like a kaleidoscope, they offer radiant portrayals of God’s love and concern for our overall well-being. For this quest is one designed with the support of God’s Word, which provides a solid foundation one not swayed by opinion or emotion for this sole purpose: Life changing breakthroughs would be experienced! 

The Message Bible tells us not to shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of us. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ (Colossians 3:2).

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Yes, the Son of God has come and offers us knowledge, insight and understanding, so that we may know Him Who is True (1 John 5:20a); Who said: 

“I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear, to be in awe and wonder of Me, so that they will never turn away from Me. I will rejoice in doing them good with all My heart and soul. I will betroth you to Me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness and you will acknowledge the Lord.,” Jeremiah 32:40.

This is God’s testimony: He gives us eternal life, and this life is in His Son (1 John 5:11). And this is eternal life: That they may know the Father, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, Whom He has sent (John 17:3). 

Praise God! It took time but I received this Good News, and now I know that Jesus, God’s Word of Truth and Life and Grace, continues to walk on earth accomplishing the miraculous so we can open our eyes and see, open our mouths and taste how good God truly is (Psalm 34:8). The Lord doesn’t leave us lame, He becomes our Righteousness making us upright, putting us in right standing with God (1 Corinthians 1:30), for He desires the upright to see His face (Psalm 11:7), and share in His glory (2 Thessalonians 2:14). This is why He says:

“Come now, let us reason together.” 

Are you aware of the exchanges God was able to make for you through His Son?

1. Jesus was condemned that you might be forgiven
2. Jesus was wounded that you might be healed
3. Jesus was made sin for your sinfulness, that you might be made upright by His 
   righteousness
4. Jesus tasted death for you that you might receive everlasting life
5. Jesus was made a curse that you might receive an abundance of blessings
6. Jesus endured poverty that you might prosper and be in health even as your soul 
   prospers
7. Jesus bore your shame that you might receive His glory
8. Jesus endured rejection that you might know God’s acceptance 
9. Jesus was cut off that you might be united with your heavenly Father
10. Jesus laid His life down so you could be made alive in Him 

This is why I have prayed over this outreach – For God, Fore His Glory – that it would be as a beacon that signals safe refuge in the arms of Jesus, while holding out to all – the Word of Life (Philippians 2:15 TLB); which is a Beacon for sound advice; a Light that emanates good teaching; a Life path of moral and corrective discipline (Proverbs 6:23). 

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There is much that has been lost, given away and taken from us. This time is God-given for you to recover from the abuse and trouble and harsh (codependent) servitude you have endured (Isaiah 14:3 The Message). This time is God-given for you to discover tools, keys and truths that will work to free you from the chains of injustice and the cords of that yoke (cruel and abusive exploitations of this world). To set free those who are oppressed (dominated, coerced, belittled, demeaned); and break every yoke (anger, hatred, prejudice, lust, greed…). (Isaiah 58:6-9).

All that’s needed is a willingness to say Jesus,                                                

 “Here I am! I’d like to be Your friend.” 

This is the God-given time to be edified so any falsehood in which you have been living can be identified, and those things weighing you down can be removed. Along this course of Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery, I saw myself walking down a very brightly lit white corridor, and as I navigated through each and every step, following principles, receiving what these lessons imparted, I saw myself setting things down – emotional baggage. Ridding myself of self-blame and shame and guilt. I was learning the difference between accountability and responsibility what was mine and what was not. I was learning to be patient, respectful and kind to myself, to take care of my side of the street, to live one day at a time. 

There is a lot of information; however, remember to keep in mind this material is meant to work in your behalf to release you from character deficits and self-destructive behaviors that are harm-filled one step at a time; one day at time (a process). And, if assistance is needed for one moment, one hour at a time, God’s Word will always be there to support and empower. That you might recover cheerfulness and encouraging strength and know gladness (Psalm 39:13) and wonderful times of refreshment that God sends from heaven, the presence of the Lord (Acts 3:19 TLB). 

This information is life changing! For you will grow in knowledge and confidence knowing, trusting, believing – God loves you; and it is God Who will help you remain confident in His love for you as He helps you to apply what pertains to you and your life at this present time. God will help you reclaim your power from the likes of fear or anger or issues of control that we have empowered for such a long, long time. And what’s so very sad, the empowerment we provide the forces of negativity is being used to inflict harm against ourselves and others. 

So I encourage you, no matter how simple or complex the circumstance you face – keep in mind there are only two choices – two directions in which to go. My prayer, my hope is you choose daily to continue on God’s mission of Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery. Come, travel its paths and find rest for your soul (Jeremiah 6:16). Discover God is a fountain of Truth (John 3:33). Discover His words and live, really live; body and soul, you’ll burst with health (Proverbs 4:22) as this discovery is made – Who you really are, and your place in God’s family (Matthew 5:9).

STEP SIX

(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
WE WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE
ALL OUR CHARACTER DEFECTS              

“Humble yourselves before the Lord,
And He will lift you up,” James 4:10

PRINCIPLE FIVE

VOLUNTARILY SUBMIT TO EVERY CHANGE GOD WANTS TO MAKE
IN MY LIFE AND HUMBLY ASK HIM TO REMOVE
MY CHARACTER DEFECTS

“Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires!”
Matthew 5:6

LESSON FOURTEEN
READY
PART ONE

• STEP SIX:
  • “WE ARE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE ALL OUR DEFECTS OF CHARACTER”

• The purposes of Step Six are:

To identify the defects of character you are now ready to see, and
To become willing to live without them and learn a more mature way to live

• By doing Steps Four and Five you began to see yourself as having problems:

• These problems are defects of character that come out of your experiences of
  • POWERLESSNESS

• The following are descriptions of several typical character defects many of us who        
  • Lean on
  • Trust in
  • Depend on others develop
• Along with a discussion of how each defect sabotages your life
  • When you try to relate to others using these shortcomings
• This is not an all-inclusive list
  • Nor is it meant to say you struggle with them all
• Read each description
  • Consider how any may apply to you before proceeding to the next one

1. STRIVING FOR POWER
   • When you approach life from the better-than position
     • You are often in power struggles with those with whom you relate
   • In a power struggle, each of the combatants is struggling for the right
     • To be in charge of
       • What the other one does
       • When it is done
       • Who is right
       • What the rules are
       • When they can be broken, and so on
   • This striving may take place
     • At home with your mate and children
     • At work with your boss and colleagues
     • Socially with friends
   • Whether you win or lose the struggle
     • The other person is affected just by your engaging in such
       struggles in the first place
   • How this sabotages your life:
     • Relating to a person who continually tries to be in power
       • Is very difficult
     • If you are the power-hungry person and win a power struggle
       • The other person usually winds up in the less-than position
         • Which does not feel good
   • Thus, staying in a relationship with you requires the other person to
     be willing to tolerate this
     • Less-than position
   • Whether you win or not, the fact that you treat relationships as a power
     struggle and constantly attempt to win means
     • Other people around you very often have to put out energy and
       effort to defend against you in the struggle for power which can be
       • Exhausting
       • Discouraging
         
         
2. OVER-COMMITMENT
   • The result of not being able to say NO to others
   • You become overwhelmed with outside commitments at
     • Work
     • Church
     • In the community
     • Helping friends and distant relatives with projects
   • How this sabotages your life:
     • The people in your family, or those with whom you have significant close
       relationships, face quite a challenge when phrasing an everyday request
       • They are sensitive not wanting to overwhelm you
       • They may keep quiet about their own needs and wants
       • They can see how overwhelmed you already are
     • Also, it is lonely and painful for others to be shut out of your life while you are
       whirling around trying to meet all the unnecessary commitments you made
       • Because you couldn’t say NO
         
         
3. PHYSICAL OR MENTAL ILLNESS
   • When you are overwhelmed with too many obligations, the resulting
     STRESS can
     • Create physical symptoms
     • Mental conditions such as
       • Depression
       • Irritability
   • Often you do not acknowledge these symptoms that warn of more serious
     illnesses until they develop
     • Painful debilitating ones such as
       • Allergies
       • Arthritis
     • Or life-threatening ones such as
       • Cancer
       • Heart disease
   • How this sabotages your life:
     • The people close to you must endure your irritability and
       • Give you space to heal and recover from the stress of Illness
         
         
4. TOLERATING SEXUAL ABUSE AND LOSS OF PERSONAL MORALITY
   • With damaged or nonexistent sexual boundaries
     • You may not be able to remain faithful to your spouse or
       significant other
       • Sexually
   • A separate issue from infidelity
     • Tolerating sexual abuse from the person to whom you are
       • Committed to be faithful
   • This includes not being able to say NO when your partner asks you
     to do sexual acts that are
     • Uncomfortable
     • Painful
     • Embarrassing
     • Against your moral code
       • For example, mate swapping, posing for pornographic pictures, etc…
   • How this sabotages your life:
     • A person living with someone who leans on, trusts in and relies on others,
       who cannot be faithful sexually because they are unable to say NO to
       inappropriate sexual advances is subjected to
       • Betrayal
       • Unfaithfulness
         • By someone they have loved and trusted
     • This is very painful
     • The unfaithful individual
       • Is subject to guilt and fear about not being responsible
         for their sexuality
     • If you cannot say NO to unpleasant sexual activities
       • Your sexual partner is deceived into believing you enjoy them
     • You are subject to loss of personal
       • Comfort
       • Dignity
         • Along with possible physical injury
     • Also your level of respect for this partner may deteriorate
       • Seriously impairing your ability to relate to the person in a
         • Functional
         • Loving
         • Respectful manner
     • The deterioration of the relationship takes place without the other party
       knowing what the real cause is, giving that person no chance to deal with
       the real issues
       • The consequences are similar to those resulting from people-pleasing
         
         
5. BLAMING OTHERS FOR YOUR REALITY AND TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE
   REALITY OF OTHERS
   • With damaged or nonexistent internal boundaries you have reality in reverse
     • Blaming other people for your own reality and taking responsibility for theirs
   • For example, you tell others that it’s their fault that you are depressed (or angry,
     fearful, and so on)
     • On the other hand, you may think that you caused their feelings or behavior
     • You interpret events
       • With your skewed thinking
       • Have skewed feelings
       • Blame the other person for your discomfort
     • Because of your own denial
       • You find it difficult to believe what the other person tells you about their
         own reality about an event
     • How this sabotages your life:
       • Living with someone who leans on, trusts in and relies on people, who blame
         others for
         • How they look
         • What they are
           • Thinking
           • Feeling
           • Choosing to do or not do
             • Their reality is painful and difficult
       • Every day it’s as if the person living with you is walking through a mine field
         • Waiting for blowups
           • Attacks that cannot be avoided because they don’t know how
             you are
             • Interpreting events
             • Doing your skewed thinking
             • Then having inappropriate feelings and outbursts about it
               
               
6. INDECISIVENESS
   • With damaged or nonexistent intellectual boundaries
     • You have a very difficult time making decisions about the everyday
       events in your life
   • For example, an indecisive codependent might have difficulty deciding
     • Where to eat
     • What movies to see
     • What suit to buy
   • Or another example might be as follows:  A husband and wife agree on a certain
     policy about disciplining the children. But then the wife’s mother comes for a visit and
     the mother has her own strong opinions that are different from those of the couple.
     The codependent wife changes her thinking and adopts her mother’s opinions,
     opposing the husband
     • This is very painful for the husband
   • How this sabotages your life:
     • The person living or working with an indecisive codependent is subject to
       • Bafflement
       • Frustration
       • Anger
       • Pain
       • Confusion
     • When they experience the codependent’s change from supporting the ideas
       the person presented to opposing them
       • After being influenced by someone else
         
         
7. PUSHING OTHERS TO BE YOUR HIGHER POWER
   • When you cannot own your thinking very well
     • You often cannot make decisions about the everyday events in life
   • You expect the person with whom you are in relationship to come up
     with a decision
     • Then you go along with it
   • If you do not like the other person’s decision
     • You often feel free to
       • Attack it
       • Whine
       • Complain
         • It isn’t the right thing to do
   • When asked, you do not come up with a decision of your own
   • How this sabotages your life:
     • The other person finds themselves solely responsible for decisions and
       opinions on many family issues, such as
       • Child rearing
       • How to spend the money
       • Whether to take the children to doctors
       • When to get the house repaired
         • Whom to hire
       • Where to go to church and so on
     • The responsibility for decision making pushes that person toward the
       role of god or goddess of the relationship
     • The chosen decider is also subject to your criticism and attacks when
       you don’t like the decision they made or
       • It doesn’t work out well

• Codependent character defects are
  • Attitudes
  • Feelings
  • Behaviors you hang on to that
    • Sabotage your happiness
    • Your relationships
    • Keep you from taking responsibility for your own life
    • Your journey of inner healing and recovery

• Once you have recognized these character defects
  • You can then make a decision          
    • You are ready to have your Higher Power remove them
• Recognizing how these character defects are sabotaging your life by affecting                  
  you and also the people in relationship with you
  • Is a painful process
• It has been said that inner healing and recovery
  • Is a pain-driven process
• Until you get into enough pain
  • You are not motivated to do anything about genuine healing and recovery

• Step Six has been referred to as the Step
  • “That Separates the Adults from the Kids”

• What does it mean to be READY
• We are ready to
  • “Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in our lives”
• Certain character defects we are very willing to have go away
• However some defects are hard to give up
• Like weeds in a garden
  • They develop roots
• We’ve formed our
  • Defects of character
  • Our hang-upa
  • Our habits
    • Over periods of ten, twenty or thirty years
• Together you and God are going after these defects
  • ALL of them

• Step Six begins the process of actual transformation as we work to identify our          
  defects of character/our protective devices, because we become willing to let                    
  go of them, and ask God to heal us from:
  • Our tight grasps on people
  • Controlling behaviors
  • Manipulation
  • Our need to control 
  • Desperation
  • Fears
  • Old feelings that clog us up
  • Negative, limiting beliefs
  • Worry; anxiety
  • The need to blame our pain on others
  • Waiting to be happy
  • Minimizing

• While working this step
  • We let go of allowing others to
    • Control us
    • Our lives
    • Our happiness
• We become ready to let go of our
  • Caretaking
• Our tendency to focus on the
  • Problems
  • Issues
  • Feelings
  • Needs
  • Chaos
  • The lives of another
    
    
• We become ready to let go of the underlying belief
  • We are responsible for others
• We become willing to be healed from the issues underlying caretaking: 
  • Weak or inappropriate boundaries or limits
  • An unclear sense of self
  • Self-responsibility
  • The responsibilities of others
• We become willing to be healed from the belief
  • Others or ourselves are incompetent
    • Cannot take care of us or themselves

• While working this Step, we become READY to let go of:
  • Low self-esteem
  • Our self-neglect
  • The belief that we aren’t responsible for ourselves
    • Cannot take care of ourselves
  • Our desire to have others
    • Take care of
    • Be responsible for us
  • Self-rejection
  • Self-hatred
  • Lack of self-trust
  • Lack of trust in God
    • Life
    • This process of inner healing and recovery

• Our TRUST issues with people
  • Inappropriately placed trust
  • Not trusting when it is appropriate 
• Our addictions
  • Guilt
  • Shame
    • That pervading sense that who we are
      • Is not okay
        
        
• We become READY to let go of:
  • Our reluctance to feel
    • To deal with our feelings
  • Our difficulty dealing with and expressing anger
  • Our inability to experience
    • Joy
    • Love
  • Our negativity
    • Hopelessness
    • despair
  • Our fear of joy and love
  • Our fear of commitment
  • A closed mind
    • A closed heart
  • Our attraction to unavailable people
    • Dysfunctional systems
  • Our need to be in dysfunctional relationships
    and systems
  • Our need to be perfect
  • Our abuse from childhood
  • Our need to be victims
  • Our participation in our own victimization
  • Our fear of intimacy and closeness
  • Our relationship-sabotaging behaviors
  • Our problems and fears with sexuality
  • Our blocks and barriers to joy and love
    • Even when we cannot name those blocks and barriers
      
      
  • Our “Don’t Deserves:
    • Don’t deserve
      • Love
      • Happiness
      • Success
      • To be heard
      • Cared for
      • Have fun
      • Enjoy life
      • Buy a new hat, coat….
        

• While working this Step we ask God: 
  • To take away everything that stands in the way of us
    having all we deserve in our lives
  • To show us the blocks or defects in our lives
  • To show us the blocks or defects we need to be willing
    to let go of
  • To help us become willing to let go of them all

• We become ready to be healed
  • From our past
  • From unresolved feelings of
    • Guilt 
    • Anger
    • Hurt
    • Grief
      • Over the many losses we’ve endure
• We are ready to let go of the negative beliefs that we latched
  onto as a result of our past
  • We’re unlovable
  • A disappointment
  • A burden
  • Not good enough,          
  • Stupid
  • Unworthy
  • A problem
  • A bother
    
    
• While working this Step, we BECOME WILLING to let go of whatever
  we have become aware of during our work in steps 4 & 5;
  • Whatever we don’t like
  • Don’t want
  • Can’t stand
  • Feel helpless about
  • Want to be done with

• We become willing to let go of anything that is no longer useful
  • Any behavior or beliefs that get in our way
    • These are what we become ready to release  
  • The deeper we’re willing to go
  • The deeper the healing we will receive
• While working this step, do not limit its use to character defects
• This step works on feelings
  • FEELINGS ARE NOT DEFECTS

• During this step, if we get stuck in a particular feeling, especially
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Resentment
  • Grief
  • Sadness
    • We can become willing to let go of that
• We are on a journey
  • We are not meant to carry heavy baggage
    • Instead to travel lightly

Dear God, thank You for taking me this far on this journey of Inner Healing
And Recovery that You have set me on. Now I pray for Your help in making me
Be entirely ready to change all my shortcomings.
Give me the strength to deal with all of my character defects, which I have turned over
To You. Allow me to accept all the changes that You want to make in me.
Help me be the person that You want me to be.
In the name of Your precious Son I pray, Amen.