Lesson 1 Denial (2 of 3) - For God Fore His Glory

STEP ONE

“(WHILE SEEKING FRIENDSHIP WITH JESUS)
WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER OUR ADDICTIONS
AND COMPULSIVE BEHAVIORS AND THAT OUR LIVES
HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE

“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature,
For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” Romans 7:18

PRINCIPLE ONE

REALIZE I’M NOT GOD. I ADMIT THAT I AM POWERLESS
TO CONTROL MY TENDENCY TO DO THE WRONG THING
AND THAT MY LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE

“Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor,” Matthew 5:3

LESSON ONE
DENIAL
PART TWO

This is an important step
- It must be taken first
Much of our struggle is to
- Accept whatever it is we must accept
  - Our denial
  - Bargains
  - Efforts to control
  - Rescuing
  - Anger
  - Hurt
  - Grief
All of which have been responsible for
- Propelling us to this place
Many of us are survivors of the
- Pain
- Shock
- Stress of past traumatic experiences
We have been carrying on with life until new demands bring
the old wounds of the past storming back to the surface
Why?
- Emotional trauma is tricky and powerful
It is possible to think, to believe
- Its grip has been removed, but trauma can
  - Pull you back
  - Bring you down by
    - Belittling
    - Berating

THERE IS HOPE

During our journey of inner healing and recovery
- We will gain a better understanding of
  - How trauma works
  - How to be freed from its persistent grip
We are reminded that although
- Trials
- Hardships
- Testing may be unwelcome
  - We are not alone
God is with us to
- Protect
- Guide
- Comfort us
This is CRUCIAL knowledge
God helps us by leading us through the storm
- Moving us to “Higher Ground”
God’s Word offers us
- Courage
- inspiration:

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.
Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path, for my enemies
Are waiting for me. Do not let me fall into their hands. For they accuse me of things
I’ve never done; with every breath they threaten me with violence. Yet, I am confident
I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.
Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.
Psalm 27:10-14

The following identify the consequences related to emotional trauma as
described by R. Dandridge Collins, PH.D in his book the Trauma Zone:
- Survivors of stress related issues enter a zone similar to the Twilight Zone
  - Where many thing’s don’t make sense
- In this zone that emotional trauma has constructed
  - The occupants are full of the “Can’ts”
    - Can’t cope with emotions
    - Can’t tell time
    - Can’t move
    - Can’t learn
    - Can’t see

1. CAN’T COPE WITH EMOTIONS

The very nature of trauma is to become
- Overwhelmed with emotions
This barrage of feelings leaves one wondering what
is different about themselves
At times it is easier to feel nothing at all
- The intensity of emotions is too hard to feel
Reactions may become so forceful
- They feel unmanageable
  - Sadness becomes depression
  - Anger becomes rage
  - Anxiety turns to panic
Fears may be
- Immobilizing
The pain may be so tormenting
- Life is lived in the past
Reality may be so hard to cope with that choices
to live in a world of
- Fantasy
- Denial
- Worse
  - Possibly becoming hooked on anything that
    - Deadens the pain

2. CAN’T TELL TIME

Being besieged by past pain can distract from living life
in the present
- Nightmares
- Flashbacks
- Intrusive thoughts
They prevent us from being grounded in the here and now
- It is quite common to get the past confused with the present

3. CAN’T MOVE

There is often the complaint of
- Feeling stuck
It is difficult to move on and leave behind
- Disturbing memories
- Bad experiences
Getting out of the position of being a VICTIM is
- Challenging
The process of making a decision could be causing
- Additional pain
Procrastination and low self-esteem produce an overall
lack of
- Life-progress

4. CAN’T LEARN

Mistakes are reoccurring
Addictive behaviors
Alcohol abuse
Drug use
Sex
Romance
Work
Shopping
Eating, etc…
- May ensue even when it is evident
  - They are not working
What applies here
- “Insanity is doing the same thing over and
  over again expecting a different result”
Relationships fail
There is a tendency to change the people in your life
- Instead of self
Blaming others for your mistakes
Inability to learn from the pain

5. CAN’T SEE

Surviving in a state of Denial
Handling the pain in lots of creative ways
Pretending it doesn’t exist
Believing what you have been through is
- No big deal
Memories are blocked

THERE IS HOPE

GOD’S ABILITY TO HEAL IS VASTLY DIFFERENT THAN
TRAUMA’S ABILITY TO RIDICULE AND WOUND

During this first step we start to realize
- We have been trying to do the impossible control
  - Our addictions
  - Our compulsions
We must admit
- We are powerless to control our tendencies to do the wrong
  things
- That our lives have become unmanageable
  - Out of control
  - In some way
God has a unique plan for each of us
God’s plan is for our good
- Not a life full of
  - Dependencies
  - Addictions
  - Obsessions
We must be willing to get rid of all the unnecessary baggage
- The past failures of our lives
  - That keep us stuck
Hebrews 12:1 says:

“Let us strip off anything that slows us down or holds us back,
And especially, those sins that wrap themselves
So tightly around our feet, and trip us up”

Upon hearing step one
- Its importance may not at first be
  - Recognized
  - Understood
It is natural for us to desire control
It is natural to think and feel as though we are in control to
- Think we know ourselves
- What is best for us
It is also natural to believe
- We can handle any circumstance by
  - Our sheer force of willpower
As a matter of fact
- We believe being in control is expected of us
  - It’s an obligation
That is until, we begin this journey of
- Looking within

Many of us are being held back by
- Our past pain
- Hurts
- Our own habits
  - Habits that are
    - Self-destructive
    - Defeating
Many are stuck in bitterness over what someone else has done to them
Many are stuck in bitterness because of what they expected someone
to do for them
We continue to hold onto the hurt
- Refusing to forgive the ones who have hurt us

Some of us may have been abused as
- A child
- In a marriage
Holding onto that hurt
- Not being willing to forgive the person who hurt us in the past is
  - Allowing them to continue to hurt us today
    - In the present
With God’s grace, it is possible to find the
- Courage
- Strength
  - To forgive

Forgiveness may not come immediately, but
- As we travel our road of renewal (inner healing) and recovery
  - God will help us find the willingness to forgive
    - We can be freed from their hold on our lives

Some of us are bound by GUILT
Trapped and stuck in guilt
- Continually beating ourselves up because of some past failure
You may think
- No one is as bad as you are
- No one could love the real you
- No one could ever forgive you for the terrible things
  that you have done

GOD FORGIVES US!

Jesus went to the cross for our sin
Jesus knows everything we’ve ever done
- Everything we’ve ever experienced
To be free from our past hurts and habits
- We need to deal with our past
  - Bitterness
  - Guilt
  - Shame
    - Once and for all
Isaiah 43:18 tells us:

FORGET THE FORMER THINGS; DO NOT DWELL ON THE PAST

That DOESN’T mean to IGNORE the past
We need to LEARN from our past
- Offer forgiveness
- Make amends
- Release it
  - We can be free from our
    - Guilt
    - Grudges
    - Grief

Remember, God isn’t interested in how we started
- Instead, how we finish the race

As you start this journey of inner healing and recovery
- You may be worried
  - About your future
  - Afraid of change
Everyone worries about things that we
- Have NO CONTROL over
- Have NO power to CHANGE
We also know
- Worrying is a lack of TRUST in God
Truth assures us:

“The Lord is my Helper and I am not afraid of anything that
Mere man can do to me”
Hebrews 13:6

It is possible your hurt or habit has become
- Your identity
  - You have been in it for so long

THE BELL
I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God’s child ( John 1:12)
I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15)
I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price (1 Cor. 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt. 5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation (Rom.8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil.3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor.5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom.8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor. 1:21-22)
I am assured all things work together for good ( Rom. 8: 28)
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit ( John 15:16)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God’s temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)

I am God’s co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God’s workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil. 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14). I’ve been adopted as God’s child (Eph 1:5)
I belong to God
Do you know
Who you are!

Maybe you have been abusing
- Alcohol
- Prescription drugs
- Food
Maybe you’re afraid of what you will do
- Without your substance of choice
- Without your process of choice
You may have been enabling someone in a
dysfunctional relationship
- For years
Let the Bell of
- Healing
- Deliverance
- Salvation
  - Ring loudly in your life
    - Instead of
      - Guilt
      - Shame
      - Remorse
      - Regret
      - Condemnation

For this very reason God sent His Son into the world so
we could know
- God’s GOODNESS instead of GUILT
- His JOY instead of SHAME
- His TRIUMPH instead of REMORSE
- His GLORY instead of REGRET
- His LOVE instead of FEAR

God so loved the world
- He gave His one and only Son
  - Whosoever believes in Him
    - Shall not PERISH
    - Instead, shall have Eternal Life
God sent His Son not to condemn the world
- Instead, to SAVE the world through Him
Whoever believes in God’s Son is
- NOT condemned
LIGHT has come into the world

Whoever lives by the Truth comes into the Light so their works may be plainly
Shown to be what they are – wrought with God (divinely prompted, done
with God’s help, with dependence upon Him)
John 3:16-21

Like Paul each of us are
- Blasphemers
- Persecutors
- Violent people
God shows mercy because we acted in
- Ignorance
- Unbelief
He pours the grace of the Lord abundantly on us
- Along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus

We can come to know how trustworthy and deserving of our full
acceptance in this saying:
- Christ Jesus came into the world to SAVE sinners

You too may be as Paul
- The worst of sinners
You too like Paul could know
- God’s mercy
- The Lord’s unlimited patience
  - If you believe (1 Timothy 1:13-16)

Jesus the Provider of the alternative
- Instead of eternal separation from God – Jesus offers Eternal Life
- Instead of ashes – Jesus bestows a Crown of Beauty
- Instead of mourning – Jesus anoints us with the Oil of Gladness
- Instead of a spirit of despair – Jesus provides us a Garment of Praise
- Instead of shame – Jesus shares His Victory
- Instead of sorrow – Jesus gives us His Peace
- Instead of disgrace – Jesus bestows an Inheritance
  - A double portion
God sends Holy Spirit to work
- With us
- In us to
  - Renew our thinking
  - Restore us with knowledge of the Fear of the Lord
    - The Awe
    - The Amazement
    - The Wonder of God
Holy Spirit reveals the Truth, Christ Jesus
- We can understand and experience God’s
  - Goodness
  - Faithfulness
  - His unconditional Love
    - We can soar as an eagle
      - Above the adversities of this world

All this so we would know what it means to be called
- Oaks of Righteousness
- A planting of the Lord
  - For the display of His glory and splendor (Isaiah 61:3,7)

While working this step we are in search of Truth about God and
ourselves by practicing accountability:
- We realize
  - We are not God
- We acknowledge
  - We are not in control of ourselves or others
- We realize that good itself does not dwell in us
  - In our sinful nature
- We admit we have the desire to do what is good but
  - We cannot carry it out (Romans 7:18)

The Message Bible gives a very good explanation of why we need to seek God,
accept His Word as being truth, and discipline ourselves to be grateful for His
interest in our well-being so we can demonstrate our obedience, by training
ourselves in the application of His Word.

I can anticipate the response that is coming: ‘I know that all God’s commands are
spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?’ Yes. I’m full of myself — after
all, I’ve spent a long time in prison to sin. What I don’t understand about myself is
that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.
So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for me and then do it, it becomes
obvious that God’s command is necessary.

But I need something more! For if I know the law, but still can’t keep it; and, if the
power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I
realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good,
but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions,
such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me,
And gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is
there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not
all of me has the desire to join in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when
I least expect it, they take charge.

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who
can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right
in this life of contradictions, where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind,
but I’m pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different,” Romans 7:14-25.

God doesn’t want you to stay frozen in a
- Unhealthy relationship
- Bad habit
He wants you to do your part in becoming HEALTHY

Don’t let fear or despair keep your mind closed because
- You think you don’t’ deserve any better
Remember, 1 John 4:18 says:

“Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s
Perfect love drives out fear.”

First, we can ask God to drive out any fear we may have regarding
our inner healing and recovery by acquiring knowledge
In Hosea 4:6 God says:

“MY PEOPLE ARE DESTROYED, THEY PERISH FOR LACK OF KNOWLEDGE”

Father, let that not happen to us

RECOVERY

Self-Destructive Patterns that stem from our leaning on, trusting in
and relying on self and others are very common
In fact, they seem normal, even ordinary because
- Universally everyone struggles with self-defeating tendencies that
  - HURT

Inner healing and recovery means learning
- How to stop the pain
- How to be renewed in our thinking

Many have been traumatized by people and circumstances only to suffer
and re-suffer their effects as
- Our unhealthy learned behaviors
  - Bursts into flames
Devastating life events can require an extensive, sometimes frustrating
rehabilitation process
The heart of renewal and recovery is sometimes a grueling, extensive
reconstruction process of
- Acquiring new behavior

However, from its core flows
- Grace
- Forgiveness
- Love
- Hope
During this process of Renewal (Inner Healing) and Recovery:
- We stop enduring life
  - We begin to live it
- We learn where our trust should be placed
  - In God
- We learn how to trust ourselves and others
- Instead of obsessively trying to control others
  - We learn to Detach
- Instead of allowing others to hurt and use us
  - We set boundaries
- Instead of reacting
  - We learn to relax
    - To let things settle into place
- We replace tunnel vision with PERSPECTIVE
- We forego worrying and denial
  - We learn constructive problem solving skills
- We learn to feel, and express feelings
- We learn to value what we want and need
- We stop punishing ourselves for other people’s
  - Problems
  - Nonsense
  - Insanity
- We stop expecting ourselves to be perfect
- We stop expecting perfection of others
- We stop reacting to the powerfully dysfunctional systems
  - That so many of us have been affected by
- We stop getting tangled up in craziness by learning to
  - Recognize
  - Eliminate
    - The UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
      - We have placed on ourselves and others
- We acquire the art of removing ourselves as victims
- We stop compulsively taking care of other people
  - We take care of ourselves
- We learn to be kind to ourselves to
  - Have fun
  - Enjoy life
- We learn to feel good about
  - What we’ve accomplished
- We stop focusing on what’s wrong
  - We notice what’s right
- We learn to function in relationships by realizing it is time to STOP
  - Criticizing
  - Defending
  - Stonewalling
  - Expressing Contempt
- We learn to respect ourselves
  - We can better love and respect others

The Four Horsemen, identified over decades of research by Seattle couples’
therapy experts John and Julie Gottman are:
- Criticism
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
- Contempt.

CRITICISM:
- As explained by marriage and family therapist Shane Perrault,
  - The difference between criticism and complaint
    - A criticism is deeply personal
      - Which is why it helps to learn how to complain
        Effectively
DEFENSIVENESS :
- Defensiveness can arise in response to criticism it is essentially
  - Dismissing
  - Invalidating
    - Another’s statement it represents
      - Turning away from them
STONEWALLING:
- Stonewalling means someone isn’t communicating
  - There’s a physiological component to it, as well
    - Called FLOODING
  - Your pulse goes to about 110 beats per minute
    - You can’t take in new information
      - You’re prepared for fight or flight
  - It’s important to take a break when this occurs
    - Before coming back to the conversation
CONTEMPT:
- When contempt is there
  - You are turning against that person
  - Their need for affection makes you hostile

It’s important for us to know that before any progress can be made in
our journey of renewal (inner healing) and recovery
- It is necessary to face our DENIAL

                               Therefore I pray for minds hardened by denial, disbelief,
          Self-reliance and mistrust because they have caused a veil of misunderstanding
              To lie over their own hearts. A veil that can only be taken away whenever
                                       A person turns to the Lord, Jesus Christ.
                       For the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is,

THERE IS LIBERTY!

                           So I pray for unveiled faces to behold as in a mirror the glory
                           Of the Lord, knowing we ourselves are being transformed
                                          Into that same image from glory to glory.
                        For the Lord, Who is the Spirit, is making us more and more
                                  Like Himself changing us into His glorious image.
                                                          (2 Corinthians 3:14-18)

“This is the crisis we’re in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women
everywhere ran for the darkness (fear-driven). They went for the darkness because
they were not really interested in pleasing God (instead, pleasing themselves and
others), Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion,
hates God-light and won’t come near it, fearing a painful exposure (then punishment).
But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work
can be seen for the God-work it is (Healing, Renewal and Recovery).” John 3:19-21
Message Bible

There are ungodly (impious, profane) persons who pervert the grace (the spiritual
blessing and favor) of our God into lawlessness and wantonness and immorality, and
disown and deny our sole Master and Lord, Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed
One). Jude 4 AMP

Jesus looked up to heaven and said, “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son so
He can give glory back to You, for You have given Him authority over everyone. He
gives eternal life to each one you have given Him. And this is the way to have eternal
life – to know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one You sent to earth. I
brought glory to You here on earth by completing the work You gave me to do. Now,
Father, bring Me into the glory we shared before the world began. John 17:1-5 NLT

At just the right time Christ will be revealed from heaven, by the blessed and only
Almighty God, the King of all Kings and Lord of all Lords. 1 Timothy 6:15-16 NLT

Dear Lord, I come humbly before You asking You to heal me
In every area of my life.
I give You my heart in faith that You can make me whole.
Praise Your name!
Jesus, I believe that You are my Healer and Redeemer!
I want to know You better, Lord Jesus. Amen